Hi Jacqui,

Looks like between winnie and yourself, you have come up with a great solution a caravan, good one!

I can't add much, just to say after reading your articles and knowing what you and daugther have been through, neither one of you deserve to put yourselves through the worry and stress of how your son might behave....you both deserve peace and serenity in your own home.

I hope the day goes well at cour so there will be no drama's.

Love Janice

winnie has given you excellent advice and you have come up with an excellent solution

its hard as a mother i know because its either way you go you lose. however you have more to lose from your daughter in this case. ive seen too many people destoy the rest of the family all for one member. the end result that one member has had no respect of the situation and has gone on to even abuse the situation in their own selfish advantage

wanting more and more. in one case the son who was married used to go to the mothers house always wanting to borrow money not always paying it back. dropping in all times expecting to get fed. even demanded certain foods to be bought for him.

it got to the stage where his own parents were intimidated by him they were elderly they didnt need this and althogh drugs wernt involved alcohol was. the end result . demanded more money mother stood her ground wanted the previous money paid back that the grandson(his son owed) plus what he owed to.

he came back threw the money at her  but not before he pushed her around and said he never wanted to see her again! 

this poor woman did everything possible for him 

annie xxx 

Hmm, seems to me only from the little information you supply that he has managed to get into this predicament because of the Drink and Drugs, is that right ! I know you love your son, I know you want to stand by him, but really is it worth the risk to your daughter.

You did promise not to have him in the house again. I have to say that the one place that should be a haven for us all is our home. Your Daughter needs to have that reassurance of safety within the home at all times.

From experience, I urge you not to allow your son to stay under your roof unless, he can refrain from, drink,drugs and outbursts while with you. If he cannot manage that, then he would be better off going into B&B while in the area. I also don't think it wise to be meeting him at the pub, it just gives him validation from you to continue to behave the way he is.

My mother supported my Uncle through some tough times, he was a drunk, a violent drunk and though he never hit us, he did scare and threaten us. My mother enabled that behaviour by still allowing him to come stay, when things got tough and only throwing him out after the outbursts had started, damage done. When I was 14yrs I told my Mum straight, that if he was ever allowed to come to the house again I would be gone, no arguments. He was never allowed back in while I was there.

I also told him shortly after the birth of my Daughter that if he ever got drunk or abusive again wether I was around or just heard about it ,he would never,ever get to see her and my Sister and Brother would also cut contact forever. My mother had during this time, thats the only reason I was seeing him.

Blow me, he gave up drinking and a nicer, kinder man you could not hope to meet. Shame my mother and grand mother validated his behaviour for so long. Life could have been so much better, for all concerned and we as children would have felt safer within our home, when he was around.

Please give your daughter priority here. If she is not 110% behind having him in your home then don't do it. This is his life he has to face the consequences of his actions, your daughter should not.

You can still be there at court and to support him through, just not from your home. Thats what I would do if in your position.

Many Best Wishes, with whatever you decide.

Luv Winnie.xxxx