Well gee. my last blog seems a world away! I must remember to journal on here more often. so much has happened. My daughter is now 4. I am single and have been for some time. I am also very overweight now. Ive been through the crux of depression. And apart from my girl I feel I have nothing to show for my life. We are temporarily back at my parents in a one bedroom unit. After a full time job working 50 hours a week as a single mum one day I just said enough is enough and I quit. but lol cant say it has worked out all that well for me. Whilst I try to study now Remedial Massage part time via distance i am finding it more difficult than I thought. I am restless. I am lonley. Some days I just want to pack up the car and take em around australia but then reality sets in a bit lol. Any travel partners out there hahahah.

So yeah Im not sure where to start on my update. feel like i have got no where. I definately struggle being single and lonely and so desperately want that someone special in my life to complete it. so please all those who are happily married be grateful for your partner because the grass aint green at all on the otherside.

I seperated from ems dad after his alcoholism had taken his toll. thankfully for emily, now her dad has been sober for 18mths and is more involved. but during that time where I was still full of anger and hurt he moved on and is in a relationship.

I have so much to give in a relationship and a family unit. But as a single mum how will I find mr right? Emily can be a hand full. and single parenting is difficult. she has no sibblings so is very demanding for attention and play time from me. OHHHH MY and her attitude. I think she would have more respect if our picture was complete as I fear she walks all over me a bit. And I have know doubt that is reflective of my behaviour but I have just felt so empty, restless and lacking direction I dont blame her.

Majority of my friends are married with kids. or they are single without kids. so I kinda get forgotten a bit as the ones with partners do coupley things or dinner with other couples and the single friends what to be out drinking and I cant do that even so yeah it can get pretty lonely. and even when you do go to things you just get sooooo sick of being there by yourself.

My message probably kinder sounding morbid. I dont mean it to but I dont know how to catch you all up in my life. I probably would like to meet like minded friend on here with the same struggles or just other parents.

I have many dreams and desires about where I would like to see me and em but finding it very difficult to accomplish on my own because I never thought Id be here having to do this. so single girls or guys Id love a chat. I dont talk much to my family or friends bout whats on my mind as I just play the role of happy go lucky so I guess this is my chance.

Thanks for reading. xx

 

It has been a month since I was last on. Where did that go.Stupid me, my sister and her husband have gone on a cruise and I offered to stay at her place and have the kids. So right now Im doing the single mum thing with 3 kids under 5. AHHHHHH. It is 10am and Im telling you, Im ready for a drink already! Today is going to be a bad one I think. 37degrees and boredom. Lots of DVDs today I think. And no sugar. Best get some applications in for jobs while they are quietly watching the wiggles cause I know it wont last long.

Em gets sooooo bored at home. I dont blame her, I do too! Cant wait for christmas when she will have a bunch of new toys to keep her entertained. She is saying more and more words every day, Its so cool to hear them come out with a new word everyday! She must be hungry. She just brought a sweet potato too me! Maybe she is telling me what we should be having rather then the rushed stuff I just put in the oven.I do hope mum doesnt pop in for a visit tonight. The house is in a shambles! My own fault. No excuse. Just lazy. But you get to a stage where you just think. Man Im just not cleaning up after to you. Night last night cause after he bath she pooed on the carpet while I was getting her jarmies together and of course dad just said, yickkksss Ill put her jarmies on you clean it up. Today she has just been bored so my market items I sell she has just been pulling out one by one including 50 purse mirrors, soaps and rubbing them along my treadmill, she cracked 3 eggs on the kitchen floor ( I know my fault they shouldnt have been in reach) , right now there are 300 ~Lorraiane Lea Linen invites across the lounge. Just a complete mess. No point picking up till she goes to bed but hey.after 43 degree yesterday Today is much more pleasant but soooo windy. Shauns on evening shift so left just after lunch. and me going Nup I refuse to clean. So I think I might ask nanny to have em for a couple of house tomorrow so I pull my head in and get this place back in order!~ PS. dont bother dieting before christmas. JUST TOO BLOODY HARD~

JUst got emmy off to bed. Busy day again!. Yesterday she went to day care then I picked up shaun as he put it in to get the head gasket  fixed c/o my credit card. Then I had to do some linen pickups. Then we had to go to my sisters house to baby sit  her two kids for a few hours as they are in QLD and my mum and dad who are having them, had a luncheon to go to then we had to race up to Werribee plaza to pick up the photos of em I got down. Ill try and post them online later. Laybyd a couple things for her birthday raced home then to get shauns care and pick em up from mum and dads cause mum picked her up cause we werent gonna get back in time. Thank god she had giver her tea. Shaun and I had a couple beers last night but pretty much had an early night. And I call thursday my day off. Its rediculous. I always seem to do more then any other day.

Today the normal morning routine. I try to get shaun to get up to emmy for a change to give me a lie in. Nup, never will happen. Wanted to give me dad a break from the kids this morning so I went and picked them up and took them for a drive then to the park, then to the shop for an icypole. Then had to get them back to dads cause I had to get em ready to drop off to a friends cause I had to go to the funeral of a good friends father. Got her dropped of in time then I got picked up for this funeral about 2 hours away in Melbourne. Nice service. Sad though. Its it a very large Iris family and there are feuds going left right and centre. its such a mess. So thats wen I got the lump in my throat when all the brothers were together for once carrying their father out of the church.

Picked up emily from friends then popped in to pub for a hour. Remember we are in the country so do ing that is not our of the norm.

Another lonely night I guess. Another early one I hope. Yeicks tmrw is going to be 38. Will probably end up at friends pool a few doors down dispite me being so insecure about my weight right now. Personal battle. We'll see.