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Thank you all for more than 3 fabulous months at our new site!

I know some of the moms from our original site haven't made it over yet, and I miss them. It can be confusing learning to use new technology. I hope they find the time to come on over and see the great things we are doing here.

I'm excited for all the new moms who have joined us from all over the world! We've actually had more than one hundred members, but I have had to delete a few spammers. You all keep this place fun and I appreciate all the respect you show for each other. I love that we have continued the drama-free tradition over here!

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My sweet, handsome, intelligent, cuddly little man was just rejected by his daycare provider. She says he is "like a baby." He cries too much and he's inconsolable. He started last Monday and was sick by Wednesday. I kept him home until Tuesday, so he's had no time to adjust. Brian says we should think of it as a blessing.
I can't help but feel incredibly sad that my baby was rejected. I feel like I did something wrong in the way I've raised him. He only wants his mommy. Sometimes I think maybe I should have just formula fed him or let him CIO at 2 months like his pediatrician suggested.
I need a plan B. I don't want to put him through more rounds of daycare just to be rejected. I think I'm going to look for house cleaners instead. I just can't work, take care of the kids and keep the house clean. If I can get someone to clean for me, I should be able to work in the little bursts of freedom I get with Zaeden home.
Sorry to vent. I just feel so down.

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I have always been a little bit reclusive, but losing my baby sent me more toward the "hermit" side of the scale. It has been almost two years, and though I think of her every day, I have made many emotional adjustments in the last few months. The last few years, I have only gone out to shop and to the necessary school acitivities and work functions. When I do go out, I rarely make eye contact and try to avoid conversations.

A few weeks ago, a new YMCA opened in our town. We live in a very small town and it is almost impossible to go anywhere without running into someone I know. We signed up for a family membership and I went to the gym. I immediately saw someone I knew and we started talking while riding the bikes. I had an entire conversation without thinking about whether she was wondering about the baby. I know that sounds odd, but I still wonder what people think.

When I left the gym, I recalled that she was the same person I saw in the library and hid from a few weeks after losing Cami. It was it big hurdle for me to realize I had the ability to have a normal conversation without feeling sorry for myself. Since then, I have talked to a few other moms, attended Linda's handbag open house and even signed up for a local play group!

I don't feel nearly as much nervousness as I used to. I think it really helped when I did that presentation for work this summer. It made me realize I am more than my experiences. I am a person beyond someone who experienced a tragedy. I am a mother and wife and employee. I am a member of the community and I think I can even be a friend!

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I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Last night I dreamed I found the perfect nanny! She was amazing. She showed up on short notice and when I got back to the house, after a few hours, it was all clean and the kids were asleep. She was nice and didn't charge too much. I wish I could find her in real life!
The night before, I had a dream that Brian stayed home from work to play World of Warcraft and I yelled at him for being selfish. I told him he should save his sick days for when I had a job interview. The strangest thing is that in real life, he sent me an email that morning saying he almost stayed home from work. Not only that, I got a call later in the day for a job interview!
So I have an interview next Friday for a Director job. It's in a town about an hour away from us, so we would need to make some changes if I got it. I'm not sure if I am ready to work outside the home yet, but it is rare for these jobs to open up. I also applied for one that is very close to my house, so I hope to hear from them as well. For the interview next week, I have to do a 10 minute presentation and bring handouts for 8 people. I'm not too scared because I spoke to over 100 people last month. Also, the interview process I went through last year was so brutal, I just can't imagine anything that severe. It is nice to be going in without needing a job. It makes all the difference!

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I still don't believe it, and I have no idea how it happened. I wanted to be a size 10 by October. I've lost about 10 pounds since July, which is a nice, slow loss. Yesterday I walked into a store wearing my size 14's and thought I would try to squeeze into a 10 and see how close I was. They fit!
I sent Keisha a text message and took a picture in the dressing room because I couldn't believe it. Then I realized they were actually falling down a little. So I moved on to another store and grabbed 2 size 8's from different designers. They fit too! I can't believe I did it. I still think of myself as fat.
I have to add a disclaimer, I still have the muffin top and giant boobs! I've been going to the gym a few times a week and doing some working out at home. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of that and about 15 pounds. Then I will be really happy!
Here's the ugly dressing room photo when I tried on the 10's. I'll have to get a reduction bra!

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I have a ticker on my page with a countdown to Halloween. I love Halloween and was excited today to see that there are only 28 days left. Then I realized that meant there are only 28 days until Zaeden's first birthday! It is so amazing to me that almost a year has passed. He just still seems like such a little baby.
He's not walking yet, but cruises all over the place. He especially enjoys pushing chairs around the kitchen, because they are so loud on the floor. Zaeden has his own language with dozens of words that all sound like, "Da." We know what he's saying! He's still nursing, but cut back a little bit yesterday. It was the best day we've had. He played on his own and didn't fuss. I got a lot of work done!
I'm going to have to start working on his birth story to share. I think the story of my pre-term labor experience will be more interesting, though. We haven't planned a party. I haven't thought of presents. It's time to start preparing for my Halloween baby's 1st birthday!

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It seems like it's been forever since I've updated. Things have been very busy around here lately. I'm trying to work 30 hours a week and it's impossible with the baby. Last Friday I had a job interview. It was in a city about 85 miles from here, so the whole family went. We looked at some houses in the area first, but were not impressed. One of them was completely trashed!
I did something innovative in my interview. I used Google presentations and actually had a chat room full of educators in my presentation. Because of that, other people started blogging about it and I ended up being invited as a guest on an educational technology weekly show. That was Sunday evening.
Sunday I decided to give Ivy's room an extreme makeover to surprise her when she got home from her dad's. She loves it! She just wants to stay in there and read all the time. I can't even keep up with how many books she has gone through in the last week.
As you can see from the video I posted, Zaeden started walking today. He's just so cute. We found him a new daycare and I'm going to try him there tomorrow. I'm just so scared it won't work out and I'm sad about putting him in daycare. I really like the teacher. The kids are all 12-18 months and the classroom and curriculum are nice. There are web cams in the classroom like Stacey has at her kids' daycare. I'm just so nervous about starting him!
Brian did a sweet thing today. He was setting up an account online so we can buy Tool tickets when they go on sale Saturday. He bought Ivy and I tickets for Disney on Ice! I'm so happy I get to go on a date with my daughter!
Well, it's getting really late and I'm doing this instead of my job. I guess I need to get myself to bed.

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Join the Winner's Circle and Play!

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Friday I returned to the BTC campus for a follow up interview and was offered the job. You can read about it here. Now I have to make a decision and it just seems so huge! Should I go back to the real work force? It would be such a big difference in our lives. How do I know when I'm ready to go back to my career?

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or some other bodily fluid. I can't imagine every owning an expensive item of clothing. It seems as if I have been covered in baby/kid goo for 6 1/2 years. I wonder if I could chip through some layers and actually lose weight! What do mommies in fancy clothes do to keep clean? There must be some secret force field they activate with their shiny danging earrings, another thing I haven't worn in 6 1/2 years.

Zaeden is now on his fifth day of this cold. Thank goodness I didn't throw away all of my giant men's t-shirts when I promised I would! My shoulders are covered in snot. Not only that, he likes to stand up and wipe his nose all over the sofa. This morning, he discovered he could blow the snot out his nose and then spit (raspberries) and make it go everywhere! Maybe that is a good sign of recovery.

The clinic doc said it should last three days. His pediatrician called and said she wanted to see him if it went five days. His fever is lower, so that is good, but he is just so cranky! Have I mentioned that his top two teeth popped through as well? So now I'm not sure how much of his pain is from teeth and how much is from the cold.

I should go get something done while he sleeps! Thanks for letting me share my gooey vent!

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Z was hot when I picked him up today. His caregiver thought he was warm from being in the sun with warm clothes on. He fell asleep before I even got the seat belt on him. When I got him home, I took off his warm clothes and decided to check his temperature. He was squirming quite a bit and every reading I got was over 100. His nose started running. Before long, his temp was up to 102. I took him into the walk in clinic. The doc says he's got a virus. Most of the kids coming in with it are sick for 3 days. He wants him to stay home the next 2 days and we are to alternate motrin and tylenol. This time he said not to use decongestants. He said there is new research out and they are advising not to use it on babies his age.
As an aside, I asked him about peanut butter because his caregiver gave it to him yesterday. He said we could go ahead and give him PB, eggs and whole milk because he's so close to 1. He doesn't need to have formula if I do get a chance to wean him. He doesn't want me to wean while he's sick though.

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We are going to take a big step this week. Zaeden is going to start day care! I am working 30 hours a week for the next three months and just can't do it and take care of the kids and the house. I have been checking out centers, looking for in-home help and scouring listings for home daycare. I finally found a home child care that I think will be great. Brian checked it out yesterday and we went back today to confirm Zaeden's place.
Tina, the mom who runs the daycare, has a beautiful, clean home with professional equipment and great toys and activities and a huge back yard with play equipment. There is another boy Zaeden's age and two three-year-olds. She also has her daughter, a kindergartener, around some of the time. She is going to help me wean him and is completely fine with helping him transition and giving him extra comfort.
Zaeden loves the place. He would play for a while and then come check in with me. There were a lot of toys he was interested in and he was very responsive to Tina. One of the other parents is a high school teacher and the others run a wine distribution business. I feel so lucky we found this place on craigslist!
I am nervous about him being in someone else's care. We've tried him out at the YMCA last week and he did fine 2 of the 3 visits. The third time he cried and they came to get Brian. I think he was just tired on that day. I'm trying not to worry and just think about how I will finally be able to get some work and housework done and Zaeden will be in a fun, loving environment with other children.

Update
It was the longest we've ever been apart! I don't think I could have done it if the day hadn't been chaotic. I couldn't find everything I needed to do his paperwork. Then I only packed half Ivy's lunch!!! We got to her school and I realized I couldn't remember finishing her lunch. I had to take the dog for a run, then go back home and find Zaeden's stuff and get the rest of Ivy's lunch. He fell asleep in the car, even though I was supposed to keep him awake so he could have a nice nap there. I woke him up and he was mad! I gave him a nutrigrain bar while I packed up his stuff and pumped and he was just covered in strawberry goo. So then I had to give him a bath. Anyway, we got there a half hour late. Her daughter was pushing other kids and I had to tell her I would not keep him there if there was danger of him being shoved. She sent her daughter up with her daddy and told me she would have a talk with her. Z was very interested in everything so he didn't notice when I left. She called me after a few hours, like I asked, and told me he had done a lot of crying, but she was patient and willing to hold him to help him transition. She held him for his whole nap. He didn't drink any of his bottles, so I don't know how much pumping I will keep doing. She says he got much better when they went outside for water play. He and his little buddy wore the same outfits today! The caregiver apologized so much for her daughter and she really is doing her best to help Z. I feel okay about it for now. He was singing the whole way home and was less fussy tonight.

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So you want to get rich quick. Where do you start? There are so many people who think they have the right idea; miracle opportunities to line your pockets and set you up for life. How do you choose the right one for you? How do you know which opportunity best suits your lifestyle and interests? I have the ten secret tips you need to know to get rich quick and fill your life with richness any time you feel the need. My strategy is free and you are welcome to share it with others.



1. Unplug - Have a technology-free weekend and spend quality time with your family.
2. Read a book.
3. Teach something! Share your unique knowledge with someone.
4. Replace your negative friends with uplifting new friends.
5. Adopt a rescue animal.
6. Garden.
7. Make an extra meal one evening for someone in need.
8. Listen to a different style of music than you usually do for an entire week.
9. Go for a walk outside.
10. Write a cover letter for your dream job describing your best attributes.

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I'm getting ready to head out the door for my first day at my new job! I will be attending a faculty in-service and giving a presentation at the end. It should be fun. After that, I meet with HR to process paperwork and pick up the keys to my new office. Apparently they already have phone and computer set up, even though I won't be back until the 5th.

I'm off to my 90 mile commute!

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This year has just gone by too quickly. I can't believe my little guy is one! Last year on Halloween I was laying on the couch, talking to my mom and waiting for trick-or-treaters. Some neighbors came by and asked when I was due. I told them November 30th, but I was trying to get the baby out that night. Shortly after they left, I felt a little bubble pop and then a gush!
I actually was able to hold the water in and walk to the bathroom. Brian and Ivy were out trick-or-treating. When they got back, I told Brian my water broke and it was time to go in. He rushed to get the car started and I posted to some boards, sent email and called the birth center to tell them we were on the way.
Because I was on Lovenox, I couldn't get an epidural right away. The anesthesiologist had to check online with colleagues and determined it had to be 10 hours since my last injection. I had to wait until 10 and then it took a while before it worked. Back labor is just the worst! Thank goodness Brian was there jamming a tennis ball in my back!
I think the doc came in to check me around 11 and said it was time to have the baby. Zaeden arrived at 11:15, my little Halloween boy! He was so adorable with tons of curly red hair. I don't even remember his weight and length, how sad is that? I know he was big for a preemie. I do remember that he kept peeing through his diaper all night! I had to keep calling the nurses for new blankets.
I was going to make him a smashing cake, but he saw a spider cake in the store today and got excited. I had to get it for him! Ivy and I will make another cake for the family. We still haven't wrapped presents. Brian took him to the toy store last Friday and out to lunch.
Zaeden has not been an easy baby, but he is the sweetest thing and we all adore him. He's my little buddy and I miss him when we aren't together.

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Sorry I'm not around much. We're all sick. Z started with the stomach bug on his birthday and then Ivy and Brian got it. I went to the walk-in clinic with Ivy and the baby yesterday. Brian was too sick to help. Ivy's temp was 104.2 and she's got pneumonia. She had to get antibiotic shots because she's throwing up everything. When we got home, the stomach bug hit me. It is violent and nasty! I saw Ivy's x-rays and it looks like the pneumonia is just at the bottom of her lungs. Doc says it isn't a raging infection.

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Things are starting to calm down around here. Yesterday, both kids were back at school and Zaeden even had a great day at daycare! I love my new job. I can't imagine a more perfect fit. They have not had any prior support for distance learning, so I get to be creative and innovative. We have the opportunity to take advantage of new online tools because we aren't stuck with old, expensive systems. There are several instructors just itching to get started. My boss is amazing. She doesn't micromanage and gives me whatever support I need. She is completely understanding of kids getting sick and says we will work around it. I am so excited about this job! I love being around students working hard to improve their lives!

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I know this is going to sound strange, but I am so excited to finally have a real weekend! For the last 14 months, I have been working from home for a government grant. I have had a set number of hours I was supposed to come close to each month. That meant I had to try to work in between all my other stuff. This included evenings, nights and weekends. I never even took maternity leave, just kept on working.
I finally get to enjoy my family and home without being on constant pins and needles wondering when I will be able to squeeze in the work hours. I don't have to feel guilty doing things I enjoy. I'm not frustrated that the baby won't sleep or that I have too many errands to run. It doesn't matter because I don't owe anyone hours!
That said, I have been doing some work, but on my own time. My former boss has a presentation today and there were some problems with the Web site that I had to fix. I also need to back-up all the files from that job and get them off my computer, but I'm not really in a rush. I have been checking in on a Ning network I made for the new job, but that has just been a few posts and I really enjoy it. So, cheers to my new life! I'm loving it so far!

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I just can't log on at work and by the time I get home, I don't really want to turn a computer on. I will try to catch up over the next week when I am off. Work is going great. I love it there! The people are very welcoming and I'm having a lot of fun. I'm in the car 4 hours a day, but it hasn't been too terrible. The worst was one afternoon when Brian sent me a text that the truck wouldn't start! I was too far away to get the kids on time and I started to panic. He worked it all out, but it was a little bit of a scare. Now we are thinking of replacing the explorer.
Sorry I haven't been around to promote the site and to leave comments. I appreciate those of you who greet all the new members!

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We leave tomorrow morning. First we will drive to Boise to see Brittany and spend the night in a hotel. Then we will go on to visit my family in Utah on Wednesday morning. I'm very excited to be there, but not to drive there! Sunday we will drive straight back, which usually takes about 16-18 hours! Yuck! I'm supposed to be packing and cleaning now, but I keep procrastinating. For UT mommies, we will be at the museum on Friday morning. I'll post more details after I get to UT.

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Well, it has been fun and exciting so far! We missed a turn yesterday and added an extra 2 hours to our day. When we hit 10 hours, Zaeden was DONE! He yelled and cried the last hour. Now he's got a big of a temperature and is stuffed up. The hotel room has down blankets and pillows and I think we are all allergic.
We were planning on driving straight back on Sunday, but there is no way we can be in the car that long. I just wrote my boss and asked if I could take another day off. Our drive today is much shorter. I had better get packing!

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It seems more and more difficult to keep up with everyone these days. This is the busiest season and I know we all have obligations. Some will be fun and some will be trying. I know I'm not going to be the only one grieving over the holidays. I hope you all are able to be gentle with yourselves and your loved ones and take things day by day.
Updates on our family - Ivy is obsessed with books. She just eats them up. She's been doing well in school and enjoys being in a class with 1st-3rd graders. Her teacher expects her to perform at the 3rd year level on most things, so she's had to overcome some laziness. Z has healed well from his eyelid injury. You really can't even tell it happened. He's been doing great in daycare. He even naps for 2 hours or more. I never thought I would see that happen! He had a babysitter in our home for the first time, and he did great!
Brian and I got to take Alex and Anina to the Tool concert this week and it was fun. Anina is back today to stay with Z while Brian and I go to his company party on a harbor cruise in Seattle. I will get to see my husband in a tie and jacket for the first time! How weird is that? I'm going to get my hair done this morning. I think I will go back to a solid color so I don't have to maintain the highlights.
I haven't bought a single holiday gift! I don't know what I'm going to do. We also have all 3 girls birthdays this month. I'll think about it tomorrow. ;)

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Ivy has always been a little more rambunctious than most of the girls here, but she was nothing compared to Zaeden! How the heck to you keep them from destroying all your stuff or becoming seriously injured? I just wanted to change his diaper last night and it turned into a massive chore. I put him down in the family room and walked 3 steps toward the counter for a diaper. He grabbed some CD's off the desk and threw them on the wood floor. CRASH! I turned around, picked them up, and put them out of his reach.
I took 2 steps toward the diapers again, only to hear him pulling the keyboard off the desk. I walked back and pushed it out of reach. Three steps again and I see him pulling on a kitchen chair. I shout and dive, but it was too late. He pulled the chair down on top of himself. His head hit the wood floor with the heavy chair smashing down on his face! He screamed and cried and now has bumps and bruises all over.
When he's not getting into things, he's pulling his junk out of his diaper and walking around with it all hanging out. One time he even peed while doing this! Fortunately, Brian was watching him at the time. How do you handle boys? Does it get easier with time? Is mine just exceptionally rowdy? He's only 13 months old!

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In case you are wondering about the peas in the header, they are in honor of an amazing blogger I follow who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. You can follow Susan's story on her blog. I've watched her story unfold from the minute she discovered the lump and now she will be having surgery this week. It has only been two weeks since she discovered the lump. Fans all over the world are showing their support with peas! Take a look at her blog if you get the chance.

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I've been getting into podcasting for work and have been discovering some that I really enjoy. We won a Zune at Brian's holiday party, so I have been subscribing to tons of podcasts to listen to on my drive to work. Here are a few of my favorites. You can subscribe to the series, or just listen to the episodes individually on your computer.

Organically Speaking I listed to the 100 Mile Diet podcast on my drive home last night. It was so entertaining and interesting, I missed one of my turns!

Positive Discipline They teach this method in the parenting classes at my college, so I thought I would check it out. I've listened to several episodes and love the philosophies so far. The only one I've tried is Focusing on Solutions #46 (Taming Temper Tantrums) with Zaeden. I think he's a little young, but the reaction I get from him is much better than with what I was doing before! Next I want to try the Focusing on Solutions #47 (Positive Time-Out—You First ) with Ivy.

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Today I have to drive 90 miles in the opposite direction to Olympia, the state capitol, for a state distance learning board meeting. I don't have to be there until 1:00, so it won't be as challenging today. Ivy's school is closed, but I signed her up for the "clubhouse care" there. It is basically daycare in the school. Friday was great! The people are friendly and casual. The campus is a few blocks from the bay. I was approached on every break by teachers who want help with technology. I think I am going to like it!

I haven’t nursed Zaeden since Friday morning. Ouch! I just keep the ice packs on as much as possible and take Tylenol. He is doing very well and will drink bottles. We have been able to get him to sleep in the play yard or the first part of the night.

Ivy stayed with us this weekend because the older kids were supposed to come to celebrate Z’s birthday. They flaked, but Ivy and I got to go shopping together and have some quality mommy-daughter time while Brian watched football with the baby. Saturday we all went to the pumpkin patch and corn maze. This year we got ugly pumpkins! Last year my beautiful pumpkin was stolen from the porch, so I hope this helps deter mean people!

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It seems so unreal right now. I was able to get them to agree to me working 9a to 4p. That way I won't be gone any longer than I would have been if I had gotten the job closer to home. I can take the time off I need over Thanksgiving to go to UT. I also got the top salary in the scale (not a lot in state positions) and will probably start at the end of the month. I have to attend a few things on the 26th and 29th.
I have to find before and after school care for Ivy! The YMCA has openings before school, but not after. Z was only in daycare 3 days last week and he's already sick again. That is not going to be fun. I need to figure out how to boost his immune system. He's still nursing when he's with me, but does fine when he's not.

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This daycare thing is the pits! Just like last time, Z made it 3 days before getting sick. He's been home all this week and now the rest of us have it too. I don't know how I'm going to hold down a job with sick kids. I remember that when Ivy started daycare when she was 1, she was sick for 4 months. Then I finally pulled her out and took her back to my mom's. Brian has no sick time left. He still has to pay back some time he took when he hurt his back in the Spring. His boss paid him, to be nice, before he realized we had AFLAC. Now he owes it back and has to work overtime if he ever gets the chance.
Ugh. So now I have a nasty cold and I'm trying to complete a few months of work in just a few weeks, and I can't bring Z to daycare while he's sick! Sorry to vent.

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It has been a week and everyone is still sick. My poor little ones! Ivy has been throwing up every day. We all have upper respiratory problems. I'm tired of the sickies! I'm trying to clean and sanitize in between taking care of everyone, but I just can't seem to get enough done. Brian made some delicious chicken soup yesterday, but I don't even feel like eating anything more than toast.
The weather has been nasty, or I would open up the windows and get everyone outside. I feel like we are in a germ factory. We really need this to go away. I don't have any backup daycare plan for when Zaeden is sick. They are front loading my vacation time with 6 months (12 days), but I don't think they do that with sick leave. I will only earn one sick day a month.

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Ivy with Grandma

Spooky, the labor-detecting Dog

Seven years ago, I was 37 weeks pregnant and had spent the day shopping and baking for Christmas. My sister was coming to town to stay with my parents and my inlaws were coming to stay with us. Around 4 a.m., I woke up to use the rest room. I noticed a little pink streaking, but was too tired to think about it. I went back to sleep, but my dog would not stop bugging me. I realized I was having contractions, so I started to time them. After a little while timing contractions and pushing the dog off me, I realized they were close together and very regular.
I woke up my ex and he rushed around packing while I took a shower. We didn't take long. On the way to the hospital, the contractions turned ugly and I got my first experience with back labor! When I got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the monitors, which didn't register my contractions. They wanted to send me home, but I lied and said I lived 45 minutes away. I was not leaving! The contractions were 4 minutes apart and were killing me. The mean nurse made me wait another hour before she called the doctor. The doctor made me wait another hour before calling the anesthesiologist, so I just had to deal with the pain.
I finally got the epidural and Stadol and was out. There was only one doctor on call because of the holidays, and she had a c-section to perform. They gave me drugs to slow down the contractions. Finally, around noon, the doctor was ready. They told me she was on the way, and I said they needed to hurry because the baby was coming! The epidural had worn off and I was ready to go. I started pushing as they gathered all the equipment together and the doctor showed up just in time. Ivy was born after a few pushes. I had some complications, so I didn't get to hold her right away. My mother and MIL were going crazy, because they could hear the baby, but we wouldn't let them in. No one knew what we were having.
We finally let them in, and Ivy's dad announced she was a girl. She still didn't have a name, but she was just so gorgeous. Her eyes were wide open and alert from the very beginning. I can't believe she's already 7 and no longer my baby. She doesn't mind when I baby her though, and I am not ready to give that up!
Today she is with her dad in the morning and then we will have her until tomorrow afternoon. I have pink streamers and balloons to put up in the house and I will make a cake as well. None of her gifts are wrapped in Christmas paper, so she knows her birthday is separate. I'm so excited for her to come home!