Because your partner, like yourself are still very young, you can't really expect him to stand up for him like you imagine. No doubt he is hurting and it's very hard for a son to stand up to his father in the way you expect. The fact that he is still with you, is standing up for you in itself. Don't let it get you down. Have you thought of going round to MIL and sitting down to have a chat to sort it out? or is that not an option. Maybe you should be the better person and opologise first even though you know you have done no wrong. It might be worth it, rather than going through this every so often. I know some people you just can't talk to, as I've experienced that with family members also. Sometimes you feel like your hitting your head against a brick wall just trying to have a conversation with them to sort it out. 

Good luck! I hope you's can work thing's out with FIL and MIL

p.s I know you don't want to, but it really might be worth going to mil and fil and sitting and talking it out. Because they are older and wiser you will need to show a little submisive, which i know from reading your blogs you will find very hard BUT! it will be worth it in my opinion. You don't need to be going through what you's are going through, just end it by makeing up with the olds and let them think that they have won as you really have nothing to loose but only gain.

heya. I know how u feel with the in laws. My MIL didnt speak to me this christmas at all. (but thats a whole different thing)

I have thought about moving over east as well. we actually last year to middle of this year had plans to move to tassie, was looking at jobs, rentals and schools that helped Autistic children. Moving my help u in the immeadeate future but not long term. Sadly long term is either mediation or getting Sam to get a backbone (I say this only from what I have had to do with my Mum) and finally say No to them and stand up for his family unit. It took me 7 years to do it with my mum. loads of counseling as well.

Men with depression are not good at making choices or desisions (nor are us chicks either) so having someone as mediaor is a good idea, even ur Mum if u are really close could help cause she will have the " I am a nanna" feel to her as well, she also could meet up with Sam's mum to see what her prob is with u. Personally I think her prob is that u have taken her ****kicker away (my mum did the same with my hubby) and made him have responsibilities and she cant handle it.

Good luck with it. Leaving may be the answer, but I doubt it. If u are anything like me, Sam is ur rock and U are his.

Your man needs to take some assertiveness classes.  they will boost his confidence and give him the tools to deal with his family properly.  It will make you feel good seeing it too! lol.

Hun, you are so young to be under such a weight.  If you feel moving is going to help you, then do it.  queensland's nice! lol.  Actually, house prices in our area are quite reasonable at the moment, and we are pretty central to a lot of places.

You and your family must come first.  If that means you have to ignore his family, then do it.  Remember, they have no legal rights to your son so don't feel you have to let them see him.  just do it, and make your own life.  moving away would solve the problem, but comes with other problems too, so you need to weigh up the pros and cons.

You for yourself, have to do what feels right in both your heart and your head.  Don't leave just because it is too hard, that's letting them win!  Arm yourself with the tools to deal with them.  Self defence classes are vey empowring and teach verbal tricks too.

You are in the care of a psychologist so use them and their contacts.  They will know of some courses that will help your whole family.

And hun, I too have had to deal with a man who was similar.  It took a lot of ear bashing to get him to realise that I am here for him and would do anything for him and that I'm stronger than he thinks for him to finally realize that I'm not part of the problem, i'm his solution.  Trouble is, my man is in his 50's, and I had 50 years worth of damage to fix, but I did it.  I couldn't walk away because I don't back down from a fight.  I keep an out open, but once the challenge is set, I fight with heart and soul because what I want and what he wants and our family is worth it!

You need to get your man into training and get him to realise that his actions hurt you just as much as his families.

Oh Samantha. how Aweful!

You know, it hearing what you've been writing, a few things come to mind. First, is that i beleive you really love your husband, and want this to work, and that you really just want the pain to stop. And the mind games your out laws are playing only aggravates your mental health issues.

I had a boyfriend who was really passive, and wouldn't stand up for himself. I discovered that pushing these people to stand up for themselves doesn't work. I fell into that trap, and i just ended up being more miserable. I have since learned that what it really comes down to is that these people have been stepped on their whole lives. Some people react to this by fighting back, others decide there is no point, and stop all together. Given the things you have said, especially about the mind games they play on him, I'm guessing he simply reached a point where fighting back only made living in that house worse. It sounds like they do this kind of mind twisting alot, espectially whenever they feel challenged. Sam developed coping techniques when he lived in that environment. He may be rolling over and playing dead because then they stop attacking. Not that I endorse this approach, but hoping that considering it from this perspective may help you. History tends to repeat itself, and most people are creatures of habit. 

I find my self wondering if Sam almost perdicted what happened or at the very least was unsurprised by what happened. The painful thing here, is that you are having to learn the painful way lessons he expereinced way back when. The tricky thing is that Sam's way of coping with it seems not to be a healthy one. So, i'm wondering if it would help if you too talked more about his childhood, focusing on the games they played, and how he coped with them.

Here's a little thought- If he's open to it, ask him to pick one scenario from his childhood. One where the mind games were perticularly painful perphaps, but one where he has clear memory of all the details. Once he shares the story, then you start looking at the thinking behind the choices made. Make a list of all the possible choices he had, focusing on the ones he didn't think he had. ( Most people feel hopeless or like they have no choice because they automaticly rule out things that actually should be considered more closely). Go through with him the options he knew he had, and ask for why he didn't think they'd work. When he says "Because they would  do" ask him how he knew. there will likely be another story, and then you help him examine if they would necessarily have responded the same way, etc. Is the story reasonable evidence that they would respond badly to the approach he was considering, or was it just an excuse, or simply fear?

I'm wondering if hearing his thinking behind his actions would help you to understand. People change, but it is reasonable to wait to see evidence of a change before you base your actions on it. Also, History repeats itself, because people tend not to learn from History. there were three times in history that Russia was invaded, in the late summer/fall. The guy in charge should have realised that they were going to be dealing with Russian winter. And by the time the third guy did it, he should have known that they use a burnt earth policy ( torch their own land and retreat) and let winter kill their invaders off. I wonder at that third guy who made that decision- if he'd known history he was either pride filled or stup*d. anyways, back to my point. i'm hoping you can learn from your husband's expereince and the history he has with his family so that you don't have to repeat it in painful ways.

I want to encourage you that he is handling it the way he is because it is a way that worked, at least at one time. Now sometimes coping mechanisms backfire, and this appears to be happening. Yet, he is doing the best he knows how to in the moment. So, support him. Don't try to push him to stand up for himself; he could just go belly up under your presure. He has learned that being quiet and showing his belly is a way that at least at times stops the attack. I'm guessing he was attacked when he was defense less (not surprising since he was a kid in this house, and although something may have made it worse, i'm guessing these mind games have gone on since his parents got together if not before. ) this is an old, old pattern your dealing with. Since he was defenseless from the earliest attacks, any attempt he made to strong action would have been squashed out of him. He likely feels he has no choice, and that there is no point to him standing up because the legs are always knocked out of him when he tries. That's when you help him build himself up to understanding that he's not a defenseless child any more, and you help him to have the confidence that it's okay to stand up for himself, and to give him the confidence that his legs will no longer be knocked out from under him.

One of the difficult things about being in one's late teens early twenties is realising what it really means to be an adult. And I know that most young people beleive they already know. And I'm sure the two of you know most of it. But I'm not so sure that he knows that now that he's an adult, he's not a child anymore. It sounds like he goes back to a child role around his parents, and learning to be in an adult role when people actively push you back into a child role is very very difficult. These are things he will need to learn, and you can support him in this.

Anyways, I hope this has helped you. I feel like I've maybe drifted off mark, but I hope I've said something that may help. All the best to you in dealing with this, and I pray for a peaceful week ahead for you.

I Am's child.