Hmm ok so I'm SO bored! Jesse's watching Huey's Cooking?? What the?? Oh well at least he's quiet. So 2 days in a row I planned on catching a bus into Fremantle and 2 days in a row that didn't happen. So I'm hoping that tomorrow being a Saturday and all that I'll catch the bus in with Sam and then at least that way I'm familar with the bus route and then I've made my trip after all - 3rd time lucky. Mum's coming over tomorrow to spray the weeds out the back of my house haha and then who knows what else I will do. Might do a bit of tidying up tonight - it seems that no sooner have I got things clean than Jesse comes behind me and messes everything up again! Arrgghhh! He's had 2 accidents today - one involved a backflip off the couch which hurt his head and the other one was a slammed finger in the glass door! Ouchies!! Boy did he yell! And then I was hitting the door right and saying "bad door" so that Jesse would laugh and next thing I know I've hit it to hard and my ring has indented my finger lol and then I was like "owwww!!" Lol oh well at least that made Jesse laugh - why do kids always laugh when you hurt yourself haha? Haha now Jesse is laying down on a pillow and watching cartoons - that's more like it lol! I think he changed the channel over from poor Huey! Well with this whole global depression looming over everyone's heads I'm not too sure whether or not is a good time to buy a house. We're only renting atm. I kinda like the look of Toodyay in WA but it's fairly rural and then there's Northam which is about the only other place we can afford. There's always Victoria or Tasmania as that's reasonably cheap as well but then I won't know anyone! So anywho that's my dilemmna! I'm so wishing I could have another baby - stupid wisdom teeth - but I must be patient. I don't even know when they are going to remove them. Also anyone want a dog? My dog's driving me nuts lol! She's not yet a year so I spose you could still consider her a pup but all she does is dang well bite me! Unfriendly little eejit!! I'm reading Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder atm. I love Laura and all her books!! Any other fans out there? I wish I could teleport back to her day - things seemed so much more pleasant and peaceful back then! Ahhhhh *sighs*! Well I have a social worker coming over on Monday so it looks like these professionals might be helping me after all! Fingers crossed! Ok well I'm off to have a shower and bath the little one! Before I go does anyone have any suggestions on swimming lessons for kids? Jesse's 20 months so when should I start him in swimming? Ok seriously I'm going I'm going . . .

Ok so I had one very difficult day yesterday and this morning wasn't any better. I swear having depression is so crippling sometimes that yesterday I was wandering around feeling like an empty bottomless pit. I couldn't bring myself to do anything, I was just SO exhausted. This was then followed by no sleep - it took me hours to get to sleep last night and so I finally drifted off at about 3am only to be woken 3 and a half hours later by Jesse!! Ahhh! So I laid down on the couch with a blanket watching Sunrise to try and wake myself up but this brought on a temper tantrum. He chucked a wobbly because he was so tired and then proceeded to lay down on his baby couch and fall asleep. Thinking all was fine I drifted off for a little bit but when I woke up he'd moved from the couch onto the carpet close to the heater. So I woke him up which was followed by another tantrum and now he is finally in bed with his Minky and his Pooh Bear.

FIL also came over last night to say that him and MIL went to see our psychologist about sorting out our latest argument so at least progress is being made there. It looks like cutting us all our of their lives was just an empty threat after all or maybe my talk with FIL finally got through to him. I have the most difficult in-laws know to man.

And lastly one of my friend's from Mother's group has asked if she can come over this week to see me and Jesse and so that the kids can play. I really want her over here but I'm ashamed of the mess and I know I'll just exhaust myself trying to get it all clean before she comes over. I don't want to say no to her . . . oh I'm just so confused! If only everyone could know what it feels like to live with depression . .

Actually had a question about that if anyone knows the answer? Why are things like depression, anxiety, OCD, IBS, etc. all so prevalent in today's society yet I don't recall anyone suffering from any of these problems in people who lived 50 to 100 years ago? Could it be consumerism doing this to us? A really great site to check out if you're into the green movement or want to learn a little more about what consumption is doing to us then go to http://www.storyofstuff.com/ and play the 20 minute video there. Really really interesting and also poses the happiness question as well!

OK well I'm off either to start cleaning the house like crazy or to go sit on the couch and feel numb for the rest of the day! Ahhh thank God I have this site to vent to lol!

I just wrote a whole blog on everything that happened last night and it all got deleted!! Ahhh! Basically the 21st was great at the beginning and I was catching up with old friends. One 17 year old thought I was younger than him which made me feel good lol! But one of my mates chipped in and said nah she's 20 and has a kid!! LOL oh well at least I know that I don't look as old as I feel! Don't you find that after having children you feel as if you've automatically aged 10 years? Or is that just me? So the party was going great and then the next second someone pulls out a joint (I refused to participate of course!) Well it didn't go unnoticed by the host's mum and to my great surprise I was found the guilty one! Of course that didn't sit too well with me considering I was the only sober one at the party and so being the mum that I am I tattled on the ppl who were actually smoking it lol! As the night grew on ppl became more and more drunk (surprise surprise) and a few ppl were on drugs other than weed so I definitely started to feel out of my element by then! And I was beginning to stick out like a sore thumb as all I'd had to drink all night was one can of Sprite - yay for softdrink! Thankfully there was one other partly sober mature person there and so we were the ones stuck with bringing our host glasses of water and mopping up spills on the carpet lol!  I managed to stick it out until the numbers had practically dwindled away and then I was getting ready to call a taxi when darling hubby said he'd come get me!! And it was SO cold last night!! So that was my night and I am so thankful that tonight I can sit on the couch with a good dvd (actually hubby picked it so I'll probably hate it haha), a cuppa and a blanket over my knees. I might even get a spot of ironing done while I'm at it . .

Well my dear hubby has taken up some extra work and is spending the weekend detailing cars about 45 minutes from here. So I'm bored stuck at home and Jesse was dissapointed to see Daddy walk out the door on what was supposed to be his fun time with Dad. But we could do with the extra money so I suppose I shouldn't complain. I have a 21st to get ready for soon - it will be the first party I've ever gone to and I'm looking forward to the break away from the little one. And not to mention how good it will be to catch up with all my old friends and my sister as well. I bought a brand new outfit and have my nails painted all ready to go. No alcohol for me tonight as I don't drink so I'll have to remember to buy some V to stay awake. Yes that's right I'm tired come 8pm and the party starts at 7pm so I need something to keep me going. I have a feeling though that I will start feeling out of my element after an hour or two and will be begging Sam to come pick me up. My idea of a good night out or should I say good night in is curled up on the couch with a good dvd and a quiet toddler lol! Oh how motherhood changes everything! I thought I would grab a spot of sun while it was still shining so I set up the buckets of water to keep my little one amused and before I'd even had a chance to get into my book the storm clouds come rolling in and we started to get sprinkled on. Needless to say Jesse wasn't too happy about cutting his outdoor play off short but now he is happily amusing himself with all the packets of food in my cupboard!   Hmmm better go and check that a mess isn't being made . . .

Well my wisdom tooth is killing me at the moment. I can't wait to have it out - although the thought of having it cut out scares me to death (I'm not much for dentist's lol). I just keep looking ahead to the positives - once it's out we can start trying for baby number 2!! It's exciting; however I'm not looking forward to the experience of morning sickness again! Darling hubby (he's actually my fiance but we refer to each other as hubby and wife) is making me dinner tonight so I get the night off! Gotta love him - it gives me a break!! And with the pain I'm in which is affecting my ear as well, I can't wait to just lie down. I'm really enjoying this Minti community and I look forward to adding my life story to this blog and my experiences as a teen mommy. Well that's all for today - I have to go the pain is so distracting. LOL I don't see the point of wisdom teeth if all they do is hurt and need to be pulled out!