Ok so the story goes . . as you can tell from reading my previous blog we were having more troubles with the in-laws yet again and I have been too angry and upset over the past couple of days to blog. So I've finally pulled my finger out and this is how it went. FIL had dropped off the presents at my mother's house (in it were 3 or 4 for Jesse and 1 each for Sam and I). The card that was meant for us which had movie tickets in it had been stolen by Sam's brother when we originally had just returned the card.

So we put it out of our minds on Christmas day and had Sams Uncle over in the morning which went well. And even he said they were pressuring us too much and to just cool it from them (and he is mother in law's sister) so there you go. Even he thinks they're in the wrong and we're in the right. And we didn't even have a bitch to him - the mother in law had done all the bitching lol!! We just said we were cut out and we didn't now why - boom boom!

Then it was Chrissy lunch at my Nan's house with all my extended family where Mum brought along all the pressies from the in-laws!! Grrrr so when we left Nan's we had to decide what to do with the pressies. So we pulled into a carpark and had a talk while Jesse sleeped in the car seat. I told Sam I didn't want to interfere and it would have to be his decision as I didn't want be blamed yet again for another family interference. I did however say that I wouldn't be accepting the present from them as they have disrespected me and hadn't even spoken to me in 6 months but as for Jesse's and his it was up to him. So in the end he decided he wanted to return his and Jesse's presents as well. In hearing this I suggested he leave a note with the presents explaing how we felt so it didn't look AS rude!! The note went something like this:

"I don't understand why you are giving us presents if you two have cut me and my family out of your lives? If you haven't cut us out of your lives and it was all just a joke then you have seriously hurt me, Samantha and Jesse. If it wasn't a joke and you have cut us out of your lives then please stop playing these mind games with us and please leave us alone. I hope you can understand now why we can't accept these gifts. All the best for the new year."

And so we dropped the presents back off out the front of their house with the note and then left. At first we felt really guilty because we are both very nice people who hate conflict and our conciences were killing us but we reasoned that everyone makes mistakes. And if we had just made a big mistake then at least we can be adult enough to admit it and we would apologise if it had unintentionally hurt anyone. But as we drove on and discussed things further we knew we had done the right thing by our own little family as we had the feeling we were just being manipulated yet again.

So the night was going well (keeping in mind this was still Christmas night) and so at 9pm I decided to have a shower before we would settle down and play with the playstation games we had received for Chrissy. Then after I had hopped in there was a knock at my door and immediately we suspected it was father in law. I told Samuel to simply open the door and ask him to leave. After all it was late and we were looking forward to having a bit of alone time together now that the family do was over and done with. Well when it had been about 5 mintues and he still hadn't left I wrapped a towl around myself and listened at the door as father in law hadn't been invited in. Gah he could have at least called first!

Basically I heard Sam getting a telling off like he was still a child and saying that his mother was hurt yet again. Sam said nothing. His father continued he never had cut him out of the family he had just got his wording wrong - YEAH RIGHT!! FIL always changes his wording afterwards but their actions speak louder than words and they hadn't spoken to us in 6 MONTHS!! To which Sam said well that's what you said - once again the blame was put back on Sam. And still Sam said nothing. Then Sam asked well why hasn't Mum contacted me or Sam in 6 months to which FIL replied Sam would have to make the first move. God - how old are they? And it's them who we are waiting for an apology from. And then his father went on to say that his mother was torturing herself every night looking at photos of Jesse. And I'm listening in thinking - um hello if she is that upset about the situation then it dosn't take much for her to scribble a note saying hey let's work this out!! But still Sam said nothing. And then finally Sam explained that our psychologist had advised us to cool it from them for 6 months and then Sam went on to say if after 6 months they wanted a relationship with us they would first have to have a relationship with himself and me before Jesse would even be re-introduced back into the picture. And then his Dad started to completely contradict himself by first saying that Samuel hadn't been cut out of the family, then saying that from now on he or MIL wouldn't be contacting us anymore, and then finished it off by saying that they'll always love him and they're always there if we ever needed them. So what on earth was he trying to get at? In the same sentence it sounded like we weren't cut out, but now he was cutting us out but they're still there for Sam. What the?? And always there if we needed them - what a load of bolony!! I don't know a time when we could be needing them more - hello we're teen parents, both battling depression and trying to buy our first house on a very limited income. When would we need their help more than now? But yet when we went to them for help: 1. I was not invited over and 2. Sam ended up being cut out of the family. Then to top things off I heard FIL drop his voice and start talking about me. I heard him say that it was my fault what went on between MIL and me and that I had caused all this but Sam denied that's what FIL had said and told me that he'd actually said he was instead putting me down because I had considered an abortion when I first found out I was pregnant and that they had wanted to keep my baby - who wasn't even born yet!!! So either way whatever FIL had said it was rude and uncalled for yet Sam said nothing to him!! And then before FIL left he said he was always there for Sam and that when he had nobody else to turn to and life was just getting him down they would be his only lifeline!! Um hello - what am I a piece of dirt??? I'm Sam's lifeline not them!! They've left Sam feeling alone and upset and who's been there for him - ME!! NOT THEM!!!!

So when FIL left I got upset and angry because I was sick of Sam never sticking up for himself or me. And I knew what FIL had said about me yet Sam kept denying it. I then went on to suggest that maybe we should break up as I couldn't handle the pressure from his parents anymore and that we could still be friends and I'd always be there for him but I couldn't keep living this way. And instead of sticking up for our relationship or anything like that he just fell asleep when I was talking to him!!! Grrrrrr . . So I spent all night until 4:30am talking to another Minti Mummy (hehe you know who you are) who made things a little bit clearer as I was dead set on leaving him. But now I'm just SO confused and don't know what to do anymore. I hate how him and his family always make me feel and since being with Sam I've never ever felt happy. My depression and suicidal thoughts just keep on getting worse and it's hard to tell whether he is a part of it or if it's just his family. And I know if we split up I would be devastated and never get over it but I would also feel this enormously huge weight lift off my shoulders. And I would know that in the future I would pick a suitable husband who knew how to stick up for himself and for ME!!! But I don't know what is the right thing to do - to stand by him or leave him? I just hate this and I hate this situation and it completely ruined my Christmas!!! Spoil any other day for me fine - but not Christmas. And it's like because FIL and MIL have pushed all their family away and have nobody on Christmas, it was a good enough reason to come over here and ruin ours too. I've thought of us leaving the state (this is how much they get me down) but I'd miss my family SO much. But that could be the answer - move over East!! I'm just so confused and don't think I can do this anymore . .

Just letting everybody know that I am finally getting around to replying back to everyone who left me comments on my pieces of advice. Things have been a bit hectic for me lately and I've still been figuring out how this site works. So if you're one of the many people who have left me a comment on my pieces of advice then you may very well have a reply already or one over the next few days!!

Also I am probably long over due for a new blog entry as I have more venting to do LOL!! It's to do with the in-laws and Christmas day and so far I have been to angry and upset to write about it but if I get the time tomorrow I might finally blog it off my chest LOL!!

Anyway I'm really tired as it is VERY late or should I say VERY early and my tummy is giving me a bit of grief so I'm off to bed. And oh darn I have to remember to ring this consumer line tomorrow about the sandpit I bought Jesse for Christmas. The darn wood has split on 4 of the pieces and will need to be replaced before I assemble it else the whole thing will just fall apart. So fingers crossed they can just send me out replacement pieces instead of me having to return the bloody thing back to where I bought it as it a pain in the a** to get in and out of the car as it SO heavy and bulky and BIG!!! LOL!!

Sorry had to complain about something . . I wouldn't be me if I didn't . . LOL!!!

Goodnight all and thank you so far to everyone who has been leaving me comments and lounge entries and so forth!! I'm getting there on all the replies I promise LOL!!!!

YAY it's Christmas tomorrow and I am SO excited!! Well actually it's Christmas in about 45 minutes lol but anyway haha!! I cooked a yummy Christmas feast tonight and Sam and Jesse were both SO full that they couldn't even eat dessert hehe!! Then we watched Shrek the Halls while Jesse had his bottle of milk and then we left cookies and more milk out for Santa lol!! It was so cute Jesse cracked up laughing in this one bit in Shrek the Halls and when he was putting out the cookies for Santa we told him to put out 3 on the plate. So the first two went on fine and then he decided that the 3rd one he was going to eat himself hahaha!! And I tried getting Jesse to drink out of a poppa tonight but he didn't get it LOL!!

I felt kind of sad when I was eating dinner though because I knew I'd cooked enough to feed at least 6 people and I just wish that I could have had 3 hungry people sitting at the table next to me :o( and to think we couldn't even finish what was on our own plates :o( But other than that we enjoyed the carols for a good 2 hours as we live right behind the Church so while we were eating dinner we got free entertainment hehehe!!

Oh and then like the in-laws couldn't give us one day of peace - my Mum calls and said that Sam's Dad had been over there and told my Mum to give Jesse the presents they had bought for him!! It's like HELLO you cut us out - what are you playing at? Why won't you leave us alone? And if you haven't cut us out then why did you say it for? And duh they know where we live, they know our phone numbers - why didn't they come over and bring us the presents themselves? Or even post it for that matter? Or even better - give us a call and see if we want to come over on Christmas Day!! BUT NO!!! But I know the reason why - it's because we probably still are cut out of the family but because it's Christmas they want Jesse to have his toys and once Christmas is over it will be another 364 days of us being cut out before once again they try to unload presents on us!! Argh and getting my family involved in all of this is just horrible!!! I can't stand them and so now I'm contemplating whether or not to return the presents with a lovely little note stating "You cut us out, so what are you playing at?" or just donating them all to GoodWill hahahahaha that means everyone comes out happy hahaha!!!

Anyway I'm off to bed as *clears throat* I'm playing Mrs. Clause tonight and Santa needs some help putting Jesse's presents under the tree and eating all the cookies hehehe!!

To all who read this I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Thanks to all the Mintiers out there who have supported me throughout the last couple of months of 08 and I look forward to getting to know you all better in 09!!

Love Samantha xoxoxoxox

It is funny how I went from having a totally shit day yesterday to such a fantastic day today!! Yesterday I was upset because of how cruel others can be (*clears throat* in-laws) and today I am happy because of how giving and caring others can be. 

Mind you I only just this second opened a letter from SKG Radiology saying they were summoning me to court for unpaid charges even though I must have phoned them about a million times saying I was still waiting on the cheque from Medicare - duh!! Bunch of idiots are going to get abused over the phone by me tomorrow. Someone in the office isn't doing their job properly!! Gah now I am SO mad!!!

So . . I am going to go back to focussing on why my day was good before I just opened that letter LOL!! I had a visit from my social worker this afternoon as she comes over weekly and when she arrived she asked me to come out to her car as she had something for me. Anyway when she popped the boot of her car there were two big hampers of food in there for me and my little family :o) all dressed up in Christmas bows!!

I was SO happy!! I hadn't had a chance to do any food shopping for Christmas yet and with money being SO tight after all our medical bills recently, this has really come in handy. I was like a kid who'd just received a toy from Santa that they'd been asking for all year hehehe!! My eyes were SO wide lol!! So yeah I got heaps of yummy goodies, to name a few: sugar, pudding, custard, lollies, softdrink, ham, milk, cheese, Milo, tinned fruit, tinned vegetables and the list goes on. Karen (my social worker) said most recipients usually only receive one hamper but when they found out I had a baby as well they said I deserved an extra hamper :o) How nice is that? They're so sweet!!

And when I opened it up later on I realised it had a Bible in it and the hamper was made up from donations by Christians from our local Churches!! Basically every year they donate about 500 hampers to services around the Fremantle area which then goes to people who are having a tough time or are in need of a bit of cheering up. Karen said not many people usually get a hamper and that the reason they picked me was because I was such a young Mum and I was coping so well given my situation (being so isolated) and having to deal with my mental health problems as well. And I think she may have known about how much the medical bills took out of my savings. So she said they all thought I deserved it for being such a great Mum and that they were so proud of me!! Her words meant the most of me - just to hear that I was a good Mum brought tears to my eyes. It's all I've ever wanted to hear because I always doubt myself. And she said all I need is a little self-confidence because I am doing such a fantastic job!! So yeah I am so happy right now and so grateful to everyone who helped make these hampers a reality for me!!

And it's funny because not long ago I offered to help out a fellow Minti Member who was having financial troubles and I knew that even though I didn't have much I probably had more than some others. And when some other members were asking about my generosity I told them that I believed in karma and that if you do good to others, then good will come to you. Well I never even asked for help and just like that I am blessed with 2 hampers full of food. So if that isn't good coming to me for the good I've done - then I don't know what it is. I guess it just goes to show that generosity really is worth all it's cracked up to be and that giving can be just as rewarding as receiving. So give a little this Christmas and you might just find something goes in your favour :o)

Now I'm off to worry about this final notice for payment and my summons to court - they will be hearing from me first thing in the morning!! These new Medicare Claim forms are just ridiculous because they take so bloody long to send out the cheque that in the mean time I'm being harassed for non-payment!! Grrrrrrr . . .

Ok so after getting only about 5 hours sleep last night I forced myself to wake up so that I could meet Mum at Bunnings to grab the sand for Jesse's sandpit as well as some tarps to keep the dog out of it when Jesse's not playing in it. Jesse had a ball there as Mum took him up to the staff room to show off her grandson to all her colleagues and he was given a toy Bunnings truck and forklift which has kept him entertained ALL DAY!! Yay for that!!

Then Sam dropped me and Jesse off at Mum's house so he could go and pick up the sandpit and chalk board from the layby. All the seats in the car needed to be laid down because I have such a small car LOL and so they're now sitting at Mum's and Sam will have to come and pick them up on his way home from work tommorrow evening.

While he was out doing that he went over to his parent's place to pick up the gifts and Christmas cards from the extended rellies over in New Zealand. He accidently brought a card home that was from his parents so after we finished our shopping we planned to drop it back off there. (To catch you up my in-laws (Sam's parents) have cut us out of the family and told us they would get back in touch with Jesse when he turns 16 so it's been about 6 months since they've seen me or Jesse and about 2 months since they've seen Sam and MIL hasn't spoken to me in along long time). See my question on in-laws in the Q&A section of Minti.

So then I went shopping at Priceline to get myself some new eyeliner for Christmas as my old one had broken and while there I decided to treat myself to some more shampoo, conditioner and foundation. YAY!!

Then it was back to the in-laws to drop off the Christmas card. In it read that we were welcome to come over Christmas day if we had the time, mind you they had told all the relatives that we wouldn't be coming over for Christmas because we weren't a part of the family anymore and when they rung Sam up a couple of days ago his Dad just said there are presents here for Jesse if you want to come pick them up. So there was no mention of an invite on the phone and although Sam's Mum wrote the card she has never once called us to speak to us on the phone or even bothered to come over and see us.  So now we're stuck in a pickle and rather confused as to what they're getting at. They told us we were cut out and then a few days before Christmas they write a nice card. But even though they had bought us gifts (well mainly Jesse) they didn't bother to send them to us or drop them off to us they just said come and pick them up. If I bought someone a present I would consider it common courtesy to send it to them or drop it off to them, not expect them to make the trip and pick it up themselves. What the?

So to cut a long story short Sam turned up at the in-laws while I waited in the car with Jesse and Sam's brother came out with all the presents (that's right his own parents didn't even come out to see him or give him the presents themselves, instead they're using Sam's brother as the messenger boy caught in the middle.). Anyway Sam said "No we're not accepting the presents from Mum and Dad because they cut us out of the family and now they have to live with their decision." And get this then his brother said "Can't you just take the presents and make them happy?" Well the answer to that was an obvious no, why would we want to make them happy for Christmas when they have hurt us all SO much. So then his brother continues "Don't be a d**khead and just take them. Just because Samantha had a whinge and now they can't see Jesse or give him presents." To which Sam replied "No, you don't even have the full story." And then he placed the presents on the driveway and walked back to the car.

Well never have I been so hurt in my LIFE!! I think Sam could tell I was upset but I told him I was fine. Anyway he walked in on me about 10 minutes later crying in the bedroom. I am just SO hurt and upset that it feels like my heart has been ripped out and stomped all over. I have been nothing but nice to my in-laws and Sam's whole family. I have NEVER EVER done anything nasty and if I have ever done something wrong (as everyone makes mistakes) I've always made sure that I apologised for it and made it up to them. And now for them to have gotten Sam's brother involved and blamed it all on me  I just feel absolutely CRUSHED!! I have always been so nice to Sam's brother and have never done anything wrong to him so why does he now automatically hate me? What have the in-laws said about me? I always bought his brother food to eat, gave him i-tunes money, let him use my i-tunes account and we even bought him a present this year despite being on a very very tight budget! And this is the brother who doesn't even come out of his room to speak to his own parents. Where are we going wrong? Now I'm just so worried that eventually Sam's other brother will start hating me as well and so will his uncle. It's like I'm losing a whole second family and so is Sam and all on hear-say. Nobody has even heard our side of the story yet.

I just feel like I've been walked all over. After everything I've done for them I still can do no right. I gave Jesse to Sam's Mum on my very first Mother's Day for a couple of hours which she took advantage of and kept him from 9am til 6pm that night. I became sick with Mastitis from not being able to breastfeed him and she fed him formula. Yet I handled the situation calmly and brought it up with them later although MIL didn't think she had done anything wrong and I never received an aplogy, then when Sam's grandparents came over from NZ I stayed with them for 2 weeks not long after I gave birth so that they could see him (although they barely did because MIL kept taking him off them), I brought Jesse along for what was supposed to be a family photo shoot with our joint families yet when all the prints came back they were just of MIL and my son, then for Jesse's first Christmas we were invited over for dinner at 3 to which I asked if we could come at 5 as my family was doing a lunch and Jesse would need to have a nap around that time - they agreed it was OK but when we turned up at 5 and still hadn't been served dinner by 7 we asked where the food was only to be told they'd eaten at 3!! The list goes on of all the stuff they've done to us but for some reason they have managed to manipulate everyone into believing them instead.

I never ever had a whinge at Sam and told them they couldnt' see Jesse. All I ever asked from Sam was for him to stick up for me instead of his mother all the time as his father was there to do that job and we are supposed to be a couple. Finally he started sticking up for our own little family unit and now all of this has happened. And even our psychologist Tony told him that when you start a new life with a partner you're supposed to side with you're partner not you're parents even if you're partner is wrong because you have decided to grow old together and start a family together. The psych also said it is a lot better to argue with someone outside the household than in the household because at the end of the day it's us 2 that share a bed not Sam and his parents. And I wasn't even there on the day Sam was cut out of the family so how on Earth could I have had anything to do with it? I wasn't even invited over that day, I was told I was not welcome and so how I can be blamed for them cutting us out is beyond my belief. Not to mention that Sam is the one who now wants to cut ties with them after the way he was spoken  to - NOT ME!! I would love for them to go back to being the same great in-laws they were before Jesse was born but now Sam says that's it they're cut out. And so it makes me feel even more horrible because I feel like I have caused all of this. And then I start feeling like I am going crazy and I begin to doubt my actions. I start thinking "Am I manipulative? Have I caused this family fall-out? Should I have been more lenient and let Sam side with whoever he'd wanted to? Should I have done some things differently? And with all my mental health sruggles atm this is the last thing I needed. I felt like I was getting back on track with all the work I've been doing with my social worker and now I've just hit rock bottom again. I just don't know where my heads at. I feel sick to my stomach, I'm tired and my eyes hurt from crying. I don't even know if any of this will make sense because I'm just pouring my heart out and my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts. I just can't type fast enough. And now because I have been down all day I am SO far behind in my housework, I haven't got anything organised for Christmas or any presents wrapped. I just feel so useless and hopeless and like such a bad mother and partner. I just . . I dunno . . hate it how these people can make me feel so darn right down about myself that I couldn't care if I lived or not. How do they have this power over me? Am I going crazy or is this all understandable given my situation? I just feel so alone . . 

 

Am SO tired!! It's 2:23am in the morning and I have to get up early to meet Mum at Bunnings so I can use her store discount card to stock up on sand for Jesse's sandpit which he is getting from us for Christmas. Then onto Target to pick up the last of Jesse's presents from lay-by. Then I'm supposed to be going to a friends 21st but it goes for 5 hours, it's a dress-up party and I have no costume and I haven't bought her a pressie cuz we're tight on money atm so I think i'm going to have to skip that although I will feel absolutely horrible about doing it. Then it's more washing, ironing, cleaning and baking before Christmas. Then walk the dog and then its onto Church or Christmas Carols!! Arrgh I just hope I can drag myself out of bed in the morning after SO little sleep. And it doesn't help that I'm on my "monthlies' and feeling as drained as ever with the worst stomach cramps!! Gahh can't wait to crawl into bed tonight so I'm off to brush my teeth and wake up hubby who has managed to pass out on the couch while watching some stupid movie hahaha!!

Yay my period came LOL!! It's a little lighter than usual (but to the normal person it would probably be fairly heavy haha) and a heck of a lot more painful than usual but at least it came. I will be checking with my Doctor in the New Year though to make sure there definitely is NO baby there lol as this is 2 wierd/light periods in a row now and this one was 4 days late! YIKES!! Although I was a little disappointed not to be expecting again, I'm happy that I have the chance to get my licence first. Sam and I had a REALLY REALLY long discussion last night haha and we definitely want a large family of at least 4 children - but we've agreed we'll see how I go after the second hehe!! As for when to start trying for baby number 2 - as soon as I've passed my practical and gotten up at least 5-10 hours we will start trying. Hopefully if I do around 2 hours a week I should have my licence in about 3 months and then finally no more isolation!! YAY!! I know having a mode of transport will improve my mood SO much because I'm a very social, out-there, confident kind of girl who rarely shuts up (LOL) so to have the chance to get back out there will be great, given that I've been trapped inside 4 walls for over a year now :o(!! And with a car I will finally be able to go back to work or study part-time so I can only see things looking up! Well these blasted period pains are making me feel pretty shocking so I'm going to go and have another lay-down. It couldn't have come at a worse time because I have SO much to do before Christmas but at least I didn't get it on Christmas day haha as my planned outfit consists of white pants lololol!!! Hahaha!!

Well I've been tossing up whether or not to say anything but I'm going crazy here. I'm 4 days late so I seem to have skipped a period unless it's just coming really really late (mine come like clockwork), I am SO emotional and moody, I'm getting killer headaches, I'm always starving and now I've started cleaning because I feel like it (what the?).

I'm not sure whether to be happy or scared or a bit of both. I know I'd be disappointed if I took the test and it came back negative but I would also feel SO relieved. And if it came back positive I'd be happy but then I would be crapping myself!! I've always wanted a second baby but I just don't feel the timing is right. I'm only just starting to get back on track with everything and catch up on all my jobs that have been put to the side for the past year or so.

Does everyone feel like this when they find out they are pregnant? Even if they were trying for a baby? We weren't trying and we only had "relations" once using contraception so I'm trying to figure out how it is even possible . . Does everyone get this confused??

And how does one look after a toddler while being pregnant? My son is SO much hard work as is and if I am pregnant and it's anything like my first pregnancy then I'm in for a hell of a ride. The morning sickness was horrible!!!!!!!!! And I was just starting to try for my licence again - how am I supposed to have driving lessons with all day sickness??? It would be good if there was no sickness though because that's actually the only thing I'm scared of hahahaha!! And we've already bought all the baby stuff from when we were going to start trying before so everything's all organised, I'm just scared . . .

Plus two of the other Mum's in my Mother's group are pregnant and I was just a little bit jealous so this must mean that I secretly want a baby!! Oh I don't know!!! I wanted four kids so I don't know if this is just hormones doing this to me or not!!

Argggh someone please enlighten me!!

Yay the Christmas tree finally went up today and all the decorations!! It was heaps of fun and I feel so much better now that it's up! Also Sam and I are feeling heaps better so thank you to everyone who wished us well! Ok so here's a few snaps of us putting up the tree and rocking along to Mariah Carey Christmas songs lol!!

Santa's Little Helper

Me and Tazzy hehe!!

Hello!

Samuel with his sock arms hehehe!! (Actually he looks like an evil santa with that knife lol)

Bopping along to Christmas songs!!

Jesse finally lending a hand!

Jesse putting Santa on top of the tree . . .

. . . with a little help from Daddy!

The finished product!

OUR TREE!!

Well today was my first Minti-Meet up and it was heaps of FUN!!! It was SO good to finally meet you in person Kel - you're a blast!!! I wish Thuy could have made it though!

So anyway when I first got there Jesse cried for a good half hour or more and kept trying to run off back to Daddy (Daddy had to go home after he dropped us off cuz he's still sick). And then Jesse fell over and grazed his poor knee. But eventually he calmed down enough and we started playing a bit of soccer. Then Jesse decided to chase the birdies away and he slipped over and now has a massive boo boo on his little pinky finger. More tears lol!!! Then more soccer and this time Harrison joined in!

Jesse playing soccer!

My favourite photo!!

Jesse posing with who I think is Ella in the background!

We had a quick play on the playground where Ella and Mia were playing and then it was time for the group photo and then everyone left. I stayed for a while longer because I had to wait for a lift (lol good ol' lack of licence haha) so it was more fun in the playground for me and then we looked at the views on the little wooden boat thing they had at Heathcoat Reserve. Soon we were joined by another little boy Jackson and after a very long conversation about boats, sharks and lions LOL we played a little soccer with him before he had to go home. Then more playground for Jesse and me when finally Sam rocked up to take us home (but not before some more turns on the slide) hehe!

As well as a few more pics of Jesse I managed to get some beautiful pics of the view from Heathcoat Park!

Some views of the water from Heathcoat Reserve.

Postcard Perfect!!

Jesse checking out the water views lol!!

Jesse starting to get all hot and puffy hehe!!

Yachts on the river.

It was a beautiful day for a BBQ!!

Me and grumpy bum (time to go home I think!)

Ahhh I finally get to relax :o)

All up it was a perfect day and I'm glad I dragged my sorry ass out of the house LOL!! It was SO good to have adult interaction for once hahaha! All the mums were lovely and the dads too - lets not forget the kids!! They were all so cute (little Ella and Mia with their gorgeous curls) and Harrison with the most beautiful eyes and the wickedest haircut!! Jesse has a mullett hahaha!! I must remember the suncream next time though, we both got so badly burnt and then  there was all Jesse's war scars hahahaha! So when I went and filled in Sam's script for more antibiotics I bought 2 lots of suncreams, aloe vera soothing gel and zinc cream! Now to get Jesse to wear a hat haha!! And you think after the day we had and all that running around Jesse would have had a nap for me - NO!! He's still wide awake and it's almost 10pm! Gotta love kids hehe!

Well *fingers crossed* we can make it to the RAC Christmas Pageant tomorrow as I'd been planning to go for AGES but I doubt it's going to happen. With Sam still sick, my chest pains and Jesse being so badly burnt, it might be another day at home where maybe just maybe I will finally be able to put up the bloody Christmas tree!

Well until next time . . xoxoxox

As the title states, Sam is pissin' me off hahaha!! We're on a limited budget and he is going through 2-3 icecreams per day, not to mention his idea of a drink is 1.5L of softdrink!! He is sick and he's supposed to be eating healthy, not stealing all my bloody icecreams! What ever happened to one a day? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . . . . . .

I'm still awake and it's 2:19am!! :o(

Thank you to all the people who showed their concern for me and Samuel's health. So as you know I rung health-direct and I stayed up until 1am to administer our antibiotics and was just settling in for a good night's sleep (as I had the worst case of indigestion/heartburn/reflux going on) when Samuel said his lungs and his chest were hurting. SO back on the phone to health-direct who said to see a Doctor within 24 hours and preferably to go back to the same Doctor who treated him on Monday. Well I wasn't happy with that Doctor as I thought the diagnosis of pharyngitis was a load of crap. Anyway Sam was looking pretty crook and I was thinking "Crap!" I have to drive him to hospital and I don't have a licence arrrgghhhh! So when I asked Sam what he wanted to do, he said he wanted to go to hospital asap and that he'd be right to drive so phew! We decided to go private instead of public because the public is USELESS and so we arrived at St. John Of God's hospital at about 2am. I STILL HADN"T SLEPT YET!! Luckily we were the only ones in the waiting room but there had been a rush just before we came and with only one doctor on we'd still have a fair wait! I was tossing up whether or not to Taxi it out of there because Jesse was driving me nuts in the hospital, I hadn't slept a wink yet and with my OCD I'm paranoid about germs LOL!! Well I couldn't leave Sammy there alone and I was still thinking I might have to drive home so I stayed and eventually we were admitted. *Fingers crossed* it was nothing serious and then we were seen by the Doctor. WELL we're still awaiting for the official diagnosis but basically upon examination his spleen and liver were enlarged and he was in SOOO much pain when the Doctor was pressing on them - I could see the tears prickling his eyes - AWWWWW!!! Then he was sent off for a chest x-ray which came back a little cloudy so there is an infection present. His tonsils were also enlarged and his glands were up. Then bloods were taken and we were told that he probably has glandular fever as well as a chest/lung infection. It could even be all these other technical names (I think one of them was bronchitis)! So we were sent home with more antibiotics and are still waiting for the results of the blood tests to come through. Sam also isn't allowed to go back to work for at least 5 days so now he has missed 2 weeks off work and we are out $1200 :o(!! Then with my surgery which set me back about $2,500 and the hospital bills from last night, I feel like I'm going crazy!! Plus I now owe $1400 in rent!!! OH THE STRESS!!!!! I've barely had any sleep and now we're off to go look at another house so I need to go and get dressed!! So I just want to thank God that it was nothing serious but also that I was blessed with a mother's instinct that told me something wasn't right otherwise Sam would be out working his butt off right now and anything could have happened to him :o(!! So please keep us in your prayers and if anyone out there has any advice whatsoever on my financial situation PLEASE HELP!! Especially with Christmas around the corner and no Christmas shopping done yet! I really need help with a budget :o(!!!!

Ok I am so glad I'm a worry-wart! Something was telling me that something wasn't right with Samuel (especially after what happened with Kell's hubby - poor Shannon) and so I rung health-direct and they said he def. shouldn't be going back to work and he should see a Doc tomorrow and that if anything changes to go to the hospital straight away. Slight problem I can't drive but I'm sure I'll overcome that barrier lol!! There is def. something not right about this, my poor little baby is sick and the darling has been looking after me all week following my surgery. I just gave him some water and a cold flannel but I still have a lot of time to kill before he's due for his next lot of antibiotics. Plus Jesse is due to wake up soon for his bottle of milk because he fell asleep in the high chair at dinner time so he def. won't be sleeping through the night tonight. Not that he did last night anyway. Hmmm I haven't really been able to rest following my surgery and I'm hoping we're both feeling a lot better for the minti-catch up this weekend. *Fingers crossed* we can make it and the Rac Xmas Pageant is on as well. Plus we're supposed to be looking at a home open tomorrow night! Dang we're busy for sick people lol!

I am SO bored right now!! And I can't sleep when I go to bed. Samuel has been asleep since 8pm cuz he's sick and I'm so worried about him. He's had an awful cough now for 3 weeks and he went to the Doc's on Monday only to be told it was pharyngitis and given antibiotics. The thing is pharyngitis is mainly just a sore throat and he doesn't have one of those - or any symptoms of pharyngitis for that matter. I am really starting to worry becuase this cough is just plain horrible and it seems to be getting worse. He's also had really bad headaches every day and feels sick from all the coughing. He's had some panadol rapid and his antibiotics and now I have to stay up to administer the next dose of antibiotics. We're both on them atm, mine is for my dental surgery. I don't know whether or not I should make him go to a hospital or if they'd even know what to do down there cuz they're pretty useless (well the public one I go to is) - we don't have private health insurance. Oh crap crap crap I just realised I missed an appointment I had down at the hospital today, that's no good!! Oh no they'll wipe my records now - crap!!! Grrr I wish me and Sam could just get better, I keep forgetting everything and I almost fainted today in the shops. And with Jesse we're just not getting any rest at all!! Hmmm I need help - what should I do about Sam?? He's supposed to be back at work tomorrow??

Ok so once again I am scared. The Doctors (3 of them now) have been trying to convince me to have a colonoscopy and a gastroscopy done but I'm still recovering from this latest surgery that I just don't want to put myself through anymore of this s**t (excuse my french lol)!! Thing is I want another baby but I don't know if I should have all these tests done first. I am so confused and scared and I just wanted to be able to enjoy Christmas. Now I have another thing on my mind to worry about grrrrr. Would it really be that bad if I put the colonoscopy off to my 30's or 40's? Has anyone else had these kinds of things done at such a young age - I'm only 20!!

Well technically I should be putting up the Christmas tree today with it being the first of December and all. I love Christmas and I especially love putting up the decorations. Unfortunately I am still very sore from my operation so I don't have the energy to do anything. I was surprised just how easy my op was though - I managed to stay calm right up until I went under. It was funny because I started to get real nervous when I was on the operating table and then the Dr. was like "I'll just give you something to relax" and then all of a sudden I had this real happy taste in the back of my mouth and when he asked me how I was doing I said "I feel so good right now!" "I'm so happy!" LOL and then the next thing I know I'm being shaken awake by one of the nurses. The pain is still annoying though as I stopped taking the painkillers - they were making my reflux act up something horrible and I'm also losing SO much weight from not being able to eat properly. What doesn't help is that I only weighed 40kg to start with. On top of that I'm feeling kind of funny (period funny) which is wierd though because my period isn't due for 15 more days. I'm starting to worry that maybe my ovaries are playing up sooner than I expected and I won't be able to have any more children. Ok I've gotta go, something isn't quite right!