PETA  (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wrote to ice cream maker, Ben & Jerrys urging them to use human milk in their ice cream.

Seriously? I'm all for ethical treatment of animals, but are they saying animals deserve better than humans?

After a total of 12 weeks of physical therapy for both my knees, there was little improvement. The doctor wants to do surgery on one knee to see if that improves and then do the other one. When the surgery is up to me, but I'm of course not jumping on that band wagon. I'm not refusing the surgery, but I'd rather wait. My father in law is undergoing knee replacement sugery in the middle of October so we will have to wait for him to recover (we need them to give us a hand when I have my sugery). So right now, I told the doctor that it'll probably by January. So he's set up an appointment for December so we can talk about it and schedule the surgery if it all works out then.

In the meantime, I have my knee braces to use and some anti inflammatory meds.

Thing 1 walks now and rarely crawls anymore (unless she's trying to get to something before Thing 2 does). And Thing 2 is just starting. She walks several steps when asked and motivated. And the 2 of them, along with Big Brother are all now getting into trouble playing with each other. They all want this push car!!

We spent the day at the botanical garden today. It was our first time and it was great fun. There was barely anyone around!  It's a huge place, so we just concentrated on the children's area, which had a tree house. It's not really a tree house, it's huge!

The tree house at the botanical garden.

The girls playing in the tree house.

I'm sitting with the kids as they had their morning snack.

The kids are now playing with each other. It's fun, it's loud, it's chaotic. The girls want to do the same things and of course, don't know how to take turns. Oh joy.

I haven't cooked in a while, but it's time to get back to it. We're eating unhealthy foods, not to mention it's expensive. I have just finished making a meal plan for the next 2 weeks (cooking 4 times a week), and it's not easy feat! My son only eats chicken (occassionally hot dogs and hamburgers) and fruits and no vegetables, except carrots, my husband only eats meats and potatoes, the girls can't eat anything with milk products, and I don't like bland food! Oh boy. We'll see how this goes.

I've been doing so well on the Power of Attention (paying attention to positive things and not the negative behaviors) ever since I started this journey to becoming a better parent. It's amazing how much calmer and happier we all are when positive behaviors are the focus of our day to day lives. Out of the last 2 weeks, I can definitely say that there is just a couple of moments where I almost lost it. But today, I did lose a little bit. The little man refused to get dressed, brushed teeth, etc.. I was too focused on heading out the door on time to get to school, I lost focused on the positive behaviors to get him moving. Instead, I kept telling him "no" and therefore kept focusing on his misbehaviors.

I must re-group and get back on the horse.

In the meantime, I am now practicing the Power of Love. This part of the book talks about seeing the best in one another. Instead of thinking that my son's refusal to change into his school clothes is intended to make me angry. Instead of putting negative intentions to his actions, I must practice putting positive intentions behind them. His refusal to get ready for school must mean he had other things that hasn't been met yet.

The same principle applies to my own life, not just parenting. Someone cutting me off on the road is not an intent of that person to intentionally anger me. I must apply positive intent to the action and think that perhaps the person was so late, he's in such a hurry to pay careful attention to other drivers like me. With this though, anger is not the first emotion I feel, but sympathy and pity.

My son started Soccer this weekend and had an absolute fun. What's even more fun for him is that his 2 best friends are in the same team.   For first timers, they all did quite well.

There are several people who is in the opinion that Minti no longer holds the same magic as it once did and for this reason, some people chooses to not be as active as they once did. I want to offer some insight on this, as some people seem to think that whatever state Minti is in currently is a result of one or two choice people.

Minti is a community. And as such, it is not governed or influenced by just one person. The influence each member has on others and the relationship of these different influences dictates the 'flow of the water'. People may think that removing one or two key members from this site will all of a sudden make Minti a better place is to be. This is erroneous thinking. It isn't one or two or three key members that make Minti negative. The same people who complain about the negativity and "bitchiness" are the same people who participate in it. And I'm quite frankyly baffled as to why others don't realize this.

Someone blogs about Minti loosing it's magic and several members flock to the blog and comments, "It's the same for me. All the bitching...the backstabbing, why can't everyone grow up?" and many variations of essentially the same comment. Comments like this add to the overall negative feeling on Minti. Negativity is perpetuated by the same complaints.

Instead of complaining and adding to the problem, why not make a move towards becoming positive? This is easily done by first and foremost, ignoring negative posts. And if you are so inclined to make a comment, add something positive instead of commiserating. Commiserating with each other can prove useful sometimes, but taken too far it only serves to prolong the event - in this case, it prolongs the negativity.

Conflict is an opportunity for change. Spread positivity instead of negativity. Instead of using your energy to putting blame on others, why not expend energy on focusing on the good things? Let us take responsibility for our own actions.  Before posting a comment or blog post, perhaps we can ask ourselves, "Am I spreading positive energy with this post or am I only spreading dark emotions?"

I had all my kids yesterday. I took them with me to my chiropractor appointment and then off to the mall for a great time. One of the ladies at the chiropractor's office told me after I told her we're off the mall, "you're a glutton for punishment!".  How wrong was she.

There was a few opportunities for me to blow my top but I kept in control. My mantra when I find myself upset is, "I feel upset. If I am upset, I am focused on what I don't want. Do I want more of this in my life"?  So thinking that, I was able to calm myself down and therefore prevent a tantrum from my son. Kids are so good at feeding off of their parents' emotions, aren't they?

So this day, the first time I took all of them out, we had an awesome time. Yay!

Participation on Minti should be guided by Minti's Code of Honor:

The Minti Code of Honor

1. Above all else, respect others. If you see disrespectful behavior, report it, rather than further inflaming the situation. You can attack the idea/topic, but you can not attack the person.
2. Before you write, rank, tag or comment, ask yourself if your contribution increases the strength and virtue of the community.
3. Minti is for collaborative advice and discussion of the parenting ideas, not self-promotion. Posting full articles which also appear on your blog is acceptable but purely seeding your own links is not.
4. To keep Minti's positive atmosphere, personal conflict/issues between members should be handled privately.
5. Keep your titles accurate and free of sensationalistic language, the community will appreciate it.
6. Although full internationalization is important to Minti, please keep all posts and comments in English until the website is launched in other languages.
7. Keep Minti tidy by tagging for accuracy rather than for readership, editing titles to be compact and descriptive, and referencing your contribution to the original source in a respectful and legal manner where applicable

 

I urge everyone to help each other keep to what Minti is truly about - which is a place for parents to find and give support.  We can keep Minti positive by reminding each other other of the Code of Honor and ignoring the negative activities.

Have you heard of the advice many parents give each other about tantrums - ignore it? It is because the more attention a behavior gets, it increases the likelihood of that behavior happening again. If we perpetuate negativity by participating/commenting on it, it will just keep on happening. On the other side of the coin - if we reward positive behavior by participating, we are increasing the likelihood of that positive behavior being repeated.

Thank you.

The exercise for the week to to change my focus. The Power of Attention says that whatever I focus on, I get more of. This is the same guiding principle when someone says "ignore the bad" especially when it comes to ingnoring tantrums, but this mantra is a little bit more positive.  So to change my way of thinking and keep my focus, I must keep this in mind when I find myself losing control and feeling upset with my children - "I feel upset. If I am upset, I am focused on what I don't want. Do I want more of this in my life?  It's been great so far!

continuing on my journey to better parenting

I have all my children today since my son is now going to preschool only 3 days a week instead of 5. I've been preparing for this day in the last 2 weeks and have decided that I will losely follow the school schedule so that my son can have a consistent structure to his day. Mostly, I planned on keeping with the snack times, outside time and nap time. The activities in between can vary.

After breakfast this morning I took out the ball tent we have. It's been a long time since it's been out and I thought the 3 of them would enjoy it and they did. After that, it was outside time. We all went out, with the twins in the exersaucer. We blew bubbles, played with the water guns and then played soccer. The soccer tired my little man out, which is always a good thing. After coming in, we had snacks and the girls were down for a nap. For the boy, I instituted a Quiet Play. I didn't know how it would work but I told him that he could play whatever he wanted to play with in his room but he must do it himself and he is not allowed to call me in there because I was going to work. He agreed. I planned on getting him in 45 minutes, but he came down himself after 40. Not bad. And it was a blessed quiet time for me!

Then we did some projects: a brown paper bag owl, a construction paper owl and a mouse hat. He enjoyed using the scissors and gluing. Then the girls woke up and it was lunch. Before going down for a nap there was a small conflict. I took him to his bed and he asked for a bed time story. I said he couldn't have one right now because I had to go back down quickly because the girls were alone. This resulted in tantrum cry which drove me berserk. I raised my voice but I was trying to control myself at the same time. I told him, "I cannot talk to you when you are screaming like this and I refused to argue with you." With that I walked away. A couple of steps out and I reminded myself that I AM NOT giving him permission to make me angry and walked back to his room. While he was still crying I said, "We will have a story time after your nap, that way your sisters can join us too. And I thank you so very much for understanding. You are such a big boy for making such a great decision to wait to have the story time later after you nap so that your sisters can hear the stories too."   I said all this fast in a way not to let him get in any word. To my surprise, he said, "OK" in the middle of my monologue.

Phew. I didn't have to lose it and I am thankful.

My son is now 3 1/2 years old and is very independent, smart, and willful. We have a lot of good days, but we also have bad days. And the bad days are to a point that is affecting his personality in a way that my huband and I don't want to. Yesterday I went to the bookstore and picked up a couple of books and one of them is

Easy to Love, Diffucult to Discipline, The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflick into Cooperation by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D.

I am barely 15 pages into and it has already made an impact on me, and yet it has all been through inward reflection about who I am as a person and how I was raised. I want to share my journey and hopefully we can learn/teach each other to be better parents.

**********************************************************

"Seven Powers of Self Control

1. The Power of Perception: No one can make your angry without your permission.

2. The Power of Attention: What you focus on you get more of.

3. The Power of Free Will:The only person that can make change is yourself.

4. The Power of Unity: Focus on connecting instead of trying to be special.

5. The Power of Love: See the best in one another.

6. The Power of Acceptance: The moment is as it is.

7. The Power of Intention: Conflict is an opportunity to each."

*************taken from Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation page 6

So simple yet so powerful and here is what it means to me:

1. Perception - It isn't my son that makes me angry, it is me who is allowing myself to get angry.

2. Attention - Was my son particularly bad yesterday? or was I just so stressed and anxious that I only noticed his bad behaviors.

3. Free Will - I can't make my son do anything, but I can change the way I approach things in order to elicit positive behavior.

4. Unity - Instead of me telling my son that he can't do what he wants to do, we should talk about what he can do instead.

5. Love - Instead of focusing on bad behavior, I have to focus on the good.

6. Acceptance - I must not dwell on what has already happened but instead focus on what must be done now.

7. Intention - Conflict is not whether who is right or wrong and who's will must be done, instead it is an opportunity to bond and connect and learn from each other.

 

My hubby and I took the girls to the mall to have some social time in the play area and lo and behold we meet another identical twins that were walking around. The mom asked how old my girls were and when I told her, she said, "mine are 15 months too!". A few minutes later I asked if her twins are identical, and she said yes. So that was the beginning of a long conversation and some bonding.

It turns out that her twins have the same birthday as mine, and are only 1 hour apart (down to the minute!) and they are also 6 weeks early. But her twins are walking (actually running around) already, which amazed me. Apparently, one of the girls walked at 10 monts (8 1/2 months corrected age). Wow!

The birth mom (it's a 2 mom household) asked us if our twins looked alike to us, and before she could even explain the odd question, I answered a resounding NO! She laughed and explained that her girls don't look alike to them either so we had a good laugh about that. Our own twins don't look identical to us and we all can't believe that other people can't see the difference.

So fun to talk to another mom of identical twins who just happen to be just an exact 1 hour older. How funny!