hey every one,

im feeling much better today  i went to the docs yesterday and he told me every thing is normal it wasnt a very exciting appointment!! and i just spoke to joels work hes gone for a month not 2!! silly him told me 2 but he probably just wanted to surprise me, hes done that before  i stayed with my aunty and cousin last night they are so good to be around and went to work today which isnt the greatest...i cant wait to leave. i used to love my job but since ive been pregnant im looking forward to being a mum so much that nothing else interests me and also the fact that i know i wont go further in my job cos i have to leave.

Anyway i also want to thank you all for your advice

bye for now

joel left today  i hate being left on my own and the first day is always the hardest for some reason.

I also have a doctors appointment today to get my results from my scans, im not even that exited about it i didnt want to do any of this by myself. joel always said to me he didnt want us to have a baby untill he had another job because he wanted to be there for every thing and do you think i listened....NO. I dont want to feel depressed or feel guilty through this pregnancy because i knew from the start that joel wont always be here but i dont know what to do to make myself feel better about our situation.

i have very supportive friends and family but i still feel nothing but sadness untill joels here again. im very attatched to him always have been form the very start. everyone told me to back off a bit because when hes not there it will make it really hard and again did i listen?

anyway im going to have a lay down

ciao