Hi all

I don't know what is going on with me lately (great opener hey..)

I don't think that I am depressed, I mean I don't feel sad continually, I am not crying for no reason...u know, the classic symptoms but then I have to wonder... I wake up in the morning and think to myself, God is it morning already...no I just cant deal with the kids, house ect again today....isn't everyone like that? Mmm...

I feel so unmotivated and tired...I am full of wanting to get out there and get stuff done but I just can't seem to drag my ass along. Tomorrow tho will no doubt be a different story. I wil probably have one of those few full of energy, get it all done days. Pity they are so few and far between. I could quite easily sit on my bum all day and do nothing right now but then feel such guilt at having done nothing while Ryan is out there working. I only have to work on the weekends!

I was doing the food shopping this am and began having a very minor panic attack. I have not had one for a few years now but anyone who has had one knows how scary they are. I feel mine coming on tho and am able to kinda talk myself out of..weird hey! I get this adreniline hit out of nowhere and I feel my pulse quicken and harder and I feel like i am gonna pass out. It is bloody awful.

I get these totally irrational fears in me too. (u all probably rekon im nuts now..) It is my birthday next week and hubby wanted to take me to melbourn for a night (also so he can see the crows play a game...blah, dont think so!) Mum would have been watching the kids overnight but I kept putting it off and now it is too late. If I am honest here, it is because I am scared to fly. What if the plane crashes..what if there is a terrorist on board? I dont wanto to die in fear! What about the kids? Then i think its just not worth the risk. WHAT RISK?? I know rationally that I could be in a car accident ect but the whole flying thing...do u understand...if u dont then just humor me ok..

I worry about everything..Driving...I wont turn right across traffic infact I will go via darwin if needed to avoid it! I hate driving actually...be happy if i never had to again. Hell I wont even go onthe ferris wheel at the show..how pathetic is that?

My god...i am writing this and am actually starting to think I am not all there!! I thought i was a perfectly normal person...now im not so sure lol.

I am gonna take a breath (and maybe a vodca) and count to ten...and maybe a lay down....

breath in...breath out...relax and chill.... ooohh thats a bit better!!