Hi everyone

Jordan came home from school the other week saying that he really likes a girl called Tiffany. "She is really pretty and so smart mum", Jordan says.

It is so sweet hearing him talk like that. It is very innocent and I think it is more like a buddy buddy thing who also happens to be a pretty girl so I am not to worried. Also he is only 11. She gave him a J charm for him to wear on a necklace so Jordan felt like he had to give her something. Instead of buying something tho, he rumaged thru the lost property box at school and found a plastic heart and gave that to her. Ha..my son the cheap skate!

Anyway, Tiffany rang tonight to talk with her beau and then her mum wanted to talk with me to find out if I am normal! We swaped stories and soon found out we had more in common than we thought. Phew!! luckily she is just like me.

God, I remember having a little boyfriend when I was in yr 5. Can u?

 

Have a read of this...PMSL...Funniest email I ever got..wish I knew who the author is, they deserve a medal!!

When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.

Every cubicle is occupied.

But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.

You get in to find the door won¹t lock. It doesn¹t matter, the wait has been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook if there was one, but there isn¹t  so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume 'the position'.

In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadn¹t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'the position'.

To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for the toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare it¹s empty, the toilet roll dispenser is empty.. You hover looking around in the hope there's a new roll behind you  no such luck. Your thighs start to shake more. Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday  the one that¹s still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck & shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of your handbag for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work the door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding your bag around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue, the door takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple backwards. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and drop the precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to retrieve with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the floor.

If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

Yes - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.

Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ & life form that lives on the uncovered seat.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all the various life forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped to your ankles with your hems soaking up that puddle from the floor.

The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the basin itself.

You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting, where of course there are no paper towels so you move onto the hand blower, which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!

You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's an unspoken understanding between you all.

A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that you have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that when you NEEDED IT??? You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this'.

As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your handbag hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loos. It also helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so long and it also answers that commonly asked question  Why do women always go to the loos in pairs?

It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass you tissue under the door!

       

Hiya everyone, hope all is well

I got this email today and wanted to share...

  I want to live my next life backwards!

> > You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat. > Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. > > When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend > several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks. > When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. > > You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon > you're too young to work. So then, you go to University: play sports, > date, drink, and party. > > As you get even younger, you become a kid again. You go to elementary > school, play, and have no responsibilities. > > In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged > keeping you happy. > > You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like > conditions: central heating, room service on tap. > > Until finally...you finish off as an orgasm. > > I rest my case. > Hands up those who want life changed??? Thats all for today folks...have a good one Jo xx (oh, i posted a blog the other day on car park scam...have a read and be aware...very scary)

Hiya everyone, hope u r all well!

I got sent this email today and wanted to warn all of my friends out there about a perfume carpark scam happening more frequently. I was thinking about putting it the q&a section but i know it shouldn't really go in there so I put it here instead and will just cross my fingers that others will see.

It is basically about crooks approaching women in car parks and asking them what perfume they are wearing. Then they offer for u to smell their perfume products that they are selling at a discounted price. It is not perfume...it is EETHER. When u sniff it u will pass out and the men can then steal your purse, handbag and other valuables like your house keys and ID.

Up until I read this email, i probably would have smelt their perfume lines out of politeness but no way, not anymore.

As the email says...tell everyone you know about this.

Scary huh

Hiya all!

Jordan turned 11 this week. I can't believe how the time has flown. I once had this teeny, tiny baby and now he has suddenly morphed into this tall and lanky pre-teen. I am starting to wonder if the hormones might be starting to kick in. Everything is a major drama these days. Seriously, all I have to say is "go tidy your room" and i get back, "you don't love me, Im moving out..."  He continually snaps at his sister and has NO tollerence towards her. When did this all happen?? Where have i been for the last couple of years?? I will admit tho, I am sooo not ready for this! I can't nor want to imagine him growing up and am not sure how I will deal with the whole puberty, hairy armpits, pimples.....need i go on?

None of my friends have had to go thru this yet as their kids are all babies. They do say to me that what ever mistakes I make, they will take note of so they don't do the same! Gee, thanx for that... their response?  ...thats what friends are for!....Mmmmm!!

Oh, almost forgot..For those of u who remember me asking about what type of party to give him...He had a bowling party and it was really great. Very glad tho that we didnt have it at home...never realised how noisy and messy 8 11yr old boys can be!

Enough for now...Off to bingo with the girls...(dont laugh, im serious!)

 

Hi all

WARNING...the following material contains opinions about abortion and religion (dont say I didnt warn u...) lol

Now, whatever your opinion about abortion is, I dont give a rats a**. Its everyones right to choose and it is none of my business ( nor do I care to be quite frank) BUT...when will people realise when to stop with it all? In the last few months people have repeatedly asked questions or written advice and it has always ended up the same way with people getting narky and comments being thrown back and forth. Generally, I will not usually offer any comment to this topic but today I did as I really felt that this member was trying to "push" her beliefs about abortion (by making it her mums memoirs) and also threw a bit of religion in there for good measure. Actually, if people realy want to get up my nose, then all they have to do is crap on about god. As far as I am concerned, u can worship the bloody moon, just dont ask me to, infact dont even talk about it with me.

I have seen various religion based advice articles but have chosen not to read them but to read some advice about what u are led to believe is to be about abortion only to get towards the bottom and find it is also about her mums religious beliefs...AAgghh, i wouldnt have even read it if i had know!!!

I swear, sometimes I reckon members post these types of topics just to start a fight amongst members! You know.." Gee, things on here are a bit slow lately, lets spice it up...anyone wanna debate about abortion?...or hey smokers are the worst kind of parents" Dont people realise that these types of topics are inevitably going to offend?

Im all for freedom of speech but I think that when it comes to these conversations, some of us are simply not grown up enough to debate without offending. Maybe writing about abortion should be banned??? Oh and religion too please lol...

Ok had my whinge...Im off to pray...oops sorry, I meant put dinner in the oven!! lol