Parenting Blog - Take the Total Attention Challenge - jenlemen

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Oct

2006

Take the Total Attention Challenge

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Busy? Scattered? Always on the Go? I'm noticing lately that even though I'm with my kids all day, I'm not always with them. I'm preoccupied, half-listening, doing a hundred things at once. When my kids catch on that my attention has been diverted, all kinds of craziness is unleashed on our household. Big messes pile up and simple exchanges become occasions for World War III. My voice raises a couple of notches and out come the threats of the end of the world as we know it. This isn't how I want to be with my kids, and God knows this isn't the way my kids want to be with me. So for seven consecutive days, I'm taking the Total Attention Challenge. Here's how it works:

Pick three times a day you intend to give your kids your total, undivided attention. No one's going for sainthood here, so let's just pick three 10-20 minute increments where you are going to be all there, one hundred percent. That's just 30-60 minutes a day.
During your designated times, let your child take the lead. Read the stories they pick, play the games they initiate, talk about the subjects that interest them the most. Resist the urge to redirect the activity or take charge. The point is to connect with your child in whatever way is most meaningful to them.
Leave a comment on this article, saying you're in with a short list of your Total Attention Time Zones--the times you will set aside to connect with your child (or children!) everyday.
Blog on your Minti Blog about your experience with the Total Attention Challenge. Be brutally honest about how easy (or hard!) it is to give your kids your total attention three times a day.

Starting time is breakfast--Friday, October 6th, 2006--whenever the sun rises in your part of the world. I'm a newbie to Minti, so who knows if this is a permissable way to use the advice article or if anyone will join me, but let's give it a try! I need to make a concerted effort to pay attention to my kids, and I'd love to do it with my Minti-sistahs. Pass this article around and let's see how many people we can get onboard.

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	October 2006 \| rachelcook

This is great!!

Okay, time before breakfast, just after his nap and before his bath!!!! My radar system in my head must have been on...the first time in a few days, I sat down with Codi and let him lead, spending some engaging time with him. He had been sick with gastro the last couple of days and we have been hanging out together, but this was really special, like a project I was supporting him in (building a tower) he was in charge!!! I am in for the TOTAL ATTENTION CHALLENGE!!

We also can start a group to record our experiences, Jen you can just go to the groups main page and click on the link "start your own group", (if you haven't already)

(full attention -lol)

Time for me is when Codes has a nap!!! 2 - 3 hours of chilling on the couch!!! I will have ti get creative when it's another bub in the house :)

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	October 2006 \| Izzy

This is great!!

There's already a group, Rachel.

http://total-attention-challenge.minti.com/

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	October 2006 \| rachelcook

This is great!!

Ah, I should have guessed!!! Our beloved Minti is all grown up - lol, I am on my way there :)

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| Rachelle

Love it!

Reading this made me realize that I am multi-tasking while playing with my kids...how unfair I have been. Live and learn. I love this concept. I think it will be great for my children and myself! Thanks so much!

After school for my oldest...and after the little ones are in bed will be the times to give TA to my 10 year old. I will try mornings too but we'll see how that goes.

For sure after breakfast in the morning...I usually pop open the laptop and spend some time online. I can change that around easily!

Then after lunch I try to get them to nap...not too successful these days but that would be a great long time to do this! And we all usually have total attention for a half hour before bed everynight. Does that count?

Well I know that I need to improve when it comes to this so thanks for bringing to my attention!!!

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	4.00 (Good) \| October 2006 \| jenlemen

Love it!

it all counts, rachelle!! glad you're in.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| dramamom

sure, why not

I think my best times are after breakfast, after lunch and before dinner (my hubby cooks dinner, lucky me) for 10-15 minutes, depending on Arianna's attention span. Sometimes she just walks away to go play by herself.

Is there a way we can keep each other accountable? I think I might need that.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| jenlemen

sure, why not

maybe we could just use our blogs to report on our progress and try to keep up that way. or should we start a group??? i'm still trying to figure out how to use minti so any suggestions would be great. for example, if i just comment to something you say here, how do you know i did that??? or would it be better to send you minti mail or comment on your blog?

either way, it's just seven days and i think we can do a good job together.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| dramamom

sure, why not

I didn't know you had replied. I suppose I could put it on my watch list. The group is great!! I think you know more about Minti than I do, so don't feel too bad.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| jenlemen

woohoo!

this is so great! i just got back from errands and i'm so excited i'm not alone in this. okay, i guess i better decide on my times here.

i think i better divide up madeleine and carter/10 min each 3x per day. sounds pathetic but my tolerance for kid stuff can get so low at times. i have to work at it.

for carter--on the way to school, right after school and bedtime should do it.
for madeleine--i think she needs a bigger block of time. she's an early bird, so before school is good for her and maybe after carter goes to bed as well.

thanks for doing this with me guys!!!! i'm excited.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| tracey

I'm in!

Fantastic idea Jen. Since school has started I have been doing exactly what you are talking about. My youngest and I have an hour overlap between when we drop my oldest off and when we take her to shcool. I originally thought this would be an inconvenience but when I started using the hour as special time for us, it's been awesome. She totally looks forward to our morning play time. It's been wonderful for both of us.

And now that my youngest is going to bed earlier than she used to (she's not napping anymore) my oldest and I have been enjoying some undivided time in the evening, before her bedtime. It really means the world to my kids when I really give them my time.

I wrote a little something along these same lines HERE.

Thanks Jen, great challenge!!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| rogerslili

I'm In!!

This is such a good and wonderful and much-needed thing! I was just talking to my Dad about this, the other day. *hugs* Excellent stuff!

My times are as follows: (Eastern Time, lol)

Monday thru Friday (school days): 7:30 a.m. - 7:45 a.m., before school.
                                                              3:00 p.m. - 3:15 p.m. after school
                                                              6:30 p.m. to 6:45 p.m. before bed

Saturday and Sunday: 8:30 a.m. - 8:45 a.m. after breakfast
                                                             1:00 p.m. - 1:15 p.m. after lunch
                                                             6:00 p.m. to 6:15 p.m. before movie

YAY!! And those are not to include family rituals and Friday and Saturday night movies! *grins* This is going to be wonderful.

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	October 2006 \| rachelcook

I'm In!!

you go GIRL!!!!! I am inspired!!!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| HeidiRenee

The power of being present

This is a great idea Jen! Connection is so important, and you're right - our kids know when we're not. I have that mental picture of "that dad" sitting at the dinner table reading his newspaper - I try to think of "him" whenever I am distracted with my own kids. Pushing my chair away from my computer and turning it so that I can look them directly in the eyes while they speak to me is sometimes the most difficult thing I do all day (I know what a life...)

Being present to them and to myself long enough to engage in something meaningful will really change everything.

Great challenge!

I'm on Atlantic time - so we get the sun before all of ya! I'm only 3 blocks from Eastern time though so if I drop the ball I just take the kids across the border! HA!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| Tink1976

I'm in!

Such a great idea. I should find this easy as I only have 1 child (my daughter Amy) but I know that my attention isn't always on her 100%, what with housework etc, so when could i spend more time with her???? In the morning when she is at her most active so lets say 9:30 till 10 am then after her afternoon nap say 3;30 till 4pm then just after dinner (after bath which doesn't count because I have to be there) say 6;30-7pm, please let me know if this is right???

I have written these times down and put them on our Display Door so that there is no excuse to forget it.

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	4.71 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| Frontier

Ok, I will give it a go. (From a Minti Dads Perspective)

I am planning to write some advice on separating work from home (when you work from home) in a few days so I will give this a try as well for a few days and share my findings.
I have a lot of things that I do to ensure quality time with my boys but I find thare is not enough time with my wife. We have had a real role swap.

I have a million or so words to write about this subject and when I get some total attention

I will post more thoughts and experiences.
This is a great idea and fits well with some future advice I intend to put on this site and I will post to my blog in the next few days.
But now, I gottagoen pickuptha kids from schoolnkindi.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| tinker79

I am in!

I will give it a go!! I wonder if I will be able to get all 4 kids in on this. We will see you on friday sometime. It will be so nice to spend time with each child by themselves. This should be fun and interesting at the same time.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| mcm

Exactly what I need

Sounds like a great idea. I always have good intentions but time just goes by and who knows why I get cranky (I don't!)
I would like to take some time with my kids probably at 4 in the afternoon after my girl's school and before my baby goes down for a nap. See how we go.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| Izzy

I'm in, sistah!

I think this is a great idea. After reading the first bullet, I thought I may not be able to participate since my son is only 18 months old...but then again, I could. I too am scatter brained. Sometimes I'll be sitting on the floor with him and a few minutes later get up to do something else. Then I come back only to repeat the whole thing again. It'll be great for me and my son to wholely have each other.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| TheMentorMom

Great Idea

I love this idea, Jen! It is hard to be with our kids at times. I realized this several years back when I read The Power of Full Engagement. It made me realize I was rarely fully engaged with my kids, hubby, etc. Multi-tasking is over-rated. Count me in on this one sista!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| Izzy

Great Idea

Great point about multi tasking. There's a point at which it's completely disruptive. Too bad there's not a switch to turn it off. Or maybe there is, thanks to Jen's idea.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2006 \| tracey

You're so right

Multi-tasking is so not the answer. I always thought it was but I have realized it can be a huge problem in my life. I think I'll go pick up that book!

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Take the Total Attention Challenge

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