Guilt vs Freedom vs love play time...

Ok  now remember how I was working at my sons Day Care three days a week... And he was there for 4 days...

Well that has changed now...  It is 7$ a day care, and the government reimburse the rest of it.  I think 25$... Anyway.....

Heres my thing..   When I was told I was no longer needed for three days ( as she was having trouble paying me because of her new work) She said that she'd will have Francis come in still for five days a week, and if it was ok with me come in for 3.5 hours one day a week, and that will cover the $7 a day.   Fair deal... Ok now here is where the vs comes in..

Here are my guilts... Not necessarily in this order...

Guilt 1 ****Because I am not working, so Francis could be home with me.

Guilt 2***  She insists that she keep Francis, and she is still getting paid by the people that reimburse her $25 I think. I pay her with the 3.5 hours of my time (it covers a week worth of Francis being there) But she is still getting paid by the government to keep him.   As she is closing in December she can't really take on any other kids to get more money as two kids have just left...  So there is 64$ a week less she is getting.

Guilt  3***  On days when I do keep Francis home with me just because I am not working, he gets upset every time he sees his friends go out for a walk, and for most part of the morning even if we are having a good time together he prefers to go play with his friends... (I don't know I guess I need to work on my three year old imagination some more).

Guilt 4****  When he is at the day care, I enjoy the time alone to do things like clean out the weeds from the back yard, and am going to start getting ready for baby because we have to start renovations and cleaning out the down stairs blah blah blah all stuff that can't be done while Francis is wanting to spend time with us.

So really I guess you could say I feel guilty because I send him to day care while I am not working, I feel guilty because the government still pay for him even though i am not working, ( but the day care provider insists that he stay there.) I feel guilty for keeping him from his friends when I have an attack of the guilts and keep him home, I feel guilty because I enjoy the free time to get things started around the house, and do the blue jobs (Stuff hubby should be doing) that need to be done..  And even then being pregnant I can only do so many of them.  While I do cover my part of the payment by working there 3.5 hours a week, it still feels weird...  But he loves going. 

Ahhhhhh I often think of pulling him out and keeping him home, but hubby also thinks it is good for him as he plays with his friends.  And he really does enjoy it so much.

Heres the thing, with all that guilt I have, the only reason he is still there is because he loves it so much... And even if I was to pull him out his place would not be given to anyone else because she is closing soon, and won't take on anyone else, so she has told me....

Anyway that is all the guilt I can handle for the moment...  :)