Hello minti world.

My life is hectic but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  things are really coming together now.  Most of the assessments of the house cracking are now complete.  i think the general consensus is that its due to soil movment, which is good because I am not liable to fix any structural damage and i dont have to chase the original builder to fix it.  I have had insurance check for water leaks and i am witing on the written report, but verbaly i was advised off the record to not go through insurance, because there is very little they would pay for and it could take up to 2 years to finalise the claim.

so I have already had a quote from a builder to fix it........much much better than my original quote and he seems to be a really helpful guy.  he even offered to get my paving paint for me at tradesman cost!  I am hoping within the next 2 weeks it will be fixed and I can start painting. 

In the meantime, I have been busy working on outside jobs, such as painting the cubby house, paving and cleaning up.......next week i am going to paint all the pattern pave concrete.

Before paving (and after rain)

after paving.......much better

my goal is that within the next 3-4 weeks my house will be ready to go on the market.  I am hoping to have a new place before the kids get enrolled into school (term 1 next year) so i know which school to put them in and they are not disturbed part way through a term.

I am also looking for a new job.  I am a little tired today, as i was up late last night typing a 5 page essay answering questions for one of my job applications.  I want a job where i dont have to start at 7am, so i can get the kids to school next year, a job where i dont have to work weekends, so I can see the kids when they are not in school ( and also so their dad doesn't have to look after them because his supervision and attitude towards their care sux.....go more into that in a minute).  I wanted to stay in the hospital where i work now, but nothing is available now that suits my criteria,......and for the safety of the kids i want a new position sooner rather than later.  I checked with my home loan company, and they said that as long as there is no probation period for the new job, i should be able to get approved for a home loan.

On the negative, it seems like everytime the kids dad has them (when I am at work) one of them gets hurt.  the last weekend i worked, charlotte got bitten and scratched by his pet rat because he left her holding it unsupervised.  then treated it by washing it under water and sticking on a bandaid......needless to say, when i got home from work on a saturday afternoon with no available drs appointments, i had to wait 2 hours with her in the waiting GP clinic, she got put on antibiotics and had a betadine wash.  Thats not the only thing, but i think so far its the worst.  my dad almost reported him when he found out.

I am really looking forward to moving into my own place with the kids, and starting a new life in my own space.  even though i am sooooo busy at the moment, i can see the progress and i am achieving my goals so its easy to keep going.  i know what i am working towards and this craziness is only temporary.  I feel really good about everything at the moment (except for not being able to protect my kids all the time, and it frustrates me that its out of my control until i get a new job).

Had a stressful month, and I don't think its about to let up any time soon.  in fact, I think it will be at least another year before everything has settled down.  At the moment I am dealing with a lot of change in my life....nothing is stable or constant.

-The separation- I am over.  I still believe this was the best decsion of my life and he continues to prove what a jerk he is.  As every day goes by i think less and less of him and wonder what the hell i ever saw in him.

-the house- i am still waiting to find out why my house is falling apart. so far i have had a valuer, building inspector, insurance company and engineer come.  all have different opinions and I am now waiting for the plumbers survey.  if its soil movement then i have to pay for repairs, if its structural, then i have to chase the builder to fix it (thats going to be a nightmare since they have already claimed its not their problem), if its a burst water pipe under the foundations then insurance should cover it.  either way....its going to be messy.

                     - I am keeping an eye on the house market.  I have accepted that I need to move house, even though it would be nice to have familiar surroundings through all this.

                    - when I move the kids might have to change schools.  i really dont want to uproot them but if i have to i would prefer to do it before the school year starts (i think i have no chance of getting the house ready for sale and moving in the next 5 months).

                   - i am not sure what belongings/furniture i can keep.  the next house will be smaller and i will have to sell some stuff.

-work- when the kids go to school I have to find away to do some shifts and get them to school.  i cant change workplaces or go casual because i will need to apply for a home loan soon.  stressing over my options there.  i have already spoken to my boss and she cant give me any shifts on a permanant basis other than the usual 0700-1530, 1300-2130 or 2100-0730.  my best bet is to get day shifts in outpatients, clinic or day surgery.  I want to do shifts that eliminate the need to rely on the kids dad for care (so weekends are out).  i am so far not impressed with the lifestyle he is encouraging and the mess he lives in.

my body- even "I" am changing.  i have to do some shopping for summer because my clothes dont fit.  my usual size 12 (was up to 14 for a few months after imogen) is now a faded 8-10.  I have no breasts and when I finish breastfeeding i will have to get all new bras. 

I can understand how it is said that change is the most stressful thing in a persons life.  The only constant in my life is my 3 gorgeous kids and my family.

I am still going to counselling to keep myself rational.  I am having my first girls night out in several years for my birthday.  I am very much looking forward to that one.  I bought new shoes!

I’m back, only briefly.  Thankyou to all the minti members out there for your compassion and understanding.  You have all been so supportive.

I have been away for a little while to sort through a few things.  I decided to stop my minti time for a little while, because I had to focus on other things and I know that minti can be very addictive- the more I read and write, the more I have to read and write!!!

So what did I miss? Any births? Weddings? (??DA, LOL), catastrophes? Triumphs?

 

Well this is what I have been up to:

-working, as usual.

-saw the lawyer and found out that I would no longer be able to afford my house after settlement.

-went through a short grieving process about losing my dream home and the kids stability.

- had a valuer come to value my home and found out that the structural damage in my home was more severe than we first thought.  I then got a building inspector in to do a proper assessment.  He said this is only the second house in 15 years that he has seen deteriorate so rapidly (he inspected the house when we moved in 4 years ago).  It just wasn’t built properly and the footings are inadequate.  The house is only 15 years old!

- trying to get the builder to come and fix it, may have to go through court if they are not cooperative since it should still be covered under their structural warranty.

-started house hunting to check out the market- don’t get much for your money these days.

-had nothing but trouble trying to get the bank to give me a general idea of how much I could borrow on my own, they eventually gave me a tentative figure to work on.

-the kids have been sick.  I think Lachlan had swine flu.

-I was contacted by occ health and safety saying that I had a swine flu exposure at work and ended up on tamiflu.

-Imogen broke her finger.  Charlotte accidently dropped her terracotta pot plant on Imogen’s hand.  I took her straight to the GP, who said that she was still moving her finger and using it so it probably wasn’t broken.  Told me on this Wednesday to wait until Friday and if it was still swollen get an x ray.  She cried all afternoon, even with regular panadol and I knew something was not right- she has a very high tolerance to pain and never complains.  After a night on painstop we were at the hospital first thing in the morning, x ray and confirmed middle left finger fractured in 4 places (2 on the proximal phalange and 2 on the middle phalange).  It was one of those incidents where you just can’t get the words “put that down” out fast enough!

-I have bee trying to keep the house as spotless as possible with all the various inspections.

-still playing netball twice a week.

-I am now an aunty.  My sister in law gave birth to a baby girl, 8 ½ weeks early but all are doing well.

-I have been spending a lot of time with a calculator, working out budgets and financial stuff.  I think we will be OK!

 

What I am thankful for

-         that Charlotte’s asthma was well controlled on her preventers when she got sick (I thought she was going to end up in hospital once she caught what Lachlan had).

-         Through all this I haven’t been sick once- And I have been exposed to just about every bug imaginable through home and work.

-         Listening to mother’s instinct and not waiting 3 days to get an x ray on Imogen.  I know my baby and I know that she wasn’t alright.  Just goes to show that just because a child is still moving and using a hand doesn’t mean that its not broken.

-         I am thankful that Imogen has a high pain threshold and has been coping very well with her broken finger.  She’s no sook.

-         I’m too busy to crash into a heap.

-         My tax time bonus came just at the right time.

-     Meeting and having our photo taken with cricketer Darren Lehmann at the hospital.  He was in promoting the new PED treatment rooms.  Imogen and I may be in the newspaper.  She’s famous at the age of 14 months!

-         The ex has been cooperative with all my requests with the house issues.

-         I have great supports and friends.

-         Now that I am over the initial grief over my house, I can focus on building a new home for the 4 of us, that is ours.

-         I am really thankful that I am strong enough to deal with all of this, and I know that I will only be given what I can handle.  I am thankful that I am organized and rational.

-         I haven’t broken down once- maybe I am suppressing, maybe I am in denial…..who knows!  Maybe I am just waiting for the right time.

 

The future

Get house fixed

Do some work on the house ready for sale

Buy a new home, hopefully nearby, so the kids don’t have to move school and childcare

Slow down and live again.

I was thinking I might buy a cheap Tarago after everything settles and take the kids, mum, dad and my sister on a family holiday.

 

I am still busy, and wont have much time to respond.  But I just thought I would throw in an update to let everyone know that, even with all the shit….I am still alive! (and I can still find the positives in my world).  I do read all comments, and appreciate them, and eventually I will get around to responding.

 

Love to everyone.

Xx josie

 

I have to disappear for a while.  sorry guys but I have some things to take care of.

1- I am probably going to lose my home when the settlement goes through.  With the rates and mortgage as it is at present i can afford to stay here, but when he gets his payout of his percentage he is entitled to i wont be able to afford to stay.  I have to leave my dream home for something cheaper and uproot the kids. (found this out yesterday)

2- I have some major structural issues with the home that i have to get fixed before i try to sell it (i am hoping that it is still covered under the structural warranty of the house so that I don't have to fork out many thousands to get it fixed). (found this out today)

3- i have to get the house ready for sale and find a new place to live.

4- going through the process of agreeing on settlement.

5- amongst the usual work and kids stuff, charlotte needs extra time spent on her for speech pathology homework and all 3 are still sick with the yucky cough.

trying not to have a nervous breakdown at this point.  baby steps.  dealing with one thing at a time. all while Mr no-responsibility gets to sit back and relax, occassional visits with the kids, can do whatever the hell he likes after work and not have to worry about any of this stuff (while i am paying for lawyers and building inspectors and valuers etc), and in the end get a nice sum of cash given to him.  whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?

i'll be back when things settle down a bit.

I have 3 sick kids.  today i wish there was more than one of me.

Lachlan has missed the last 2 days of kindy- his temp didn't get below 39 all day yesterday, even with panadol, with a chunky cough.  He spewed in his bed last night and ended up in bed with me.

Charlotte now has a bad cough as well, without the temp, but with her asthma these things always hit her hard.  she has also vomited a couple of times (once in my bed during a cough, and then all over nme when she was sitting in my lap....ick).

Now Imogen is hot and sounds like she has a sore throat- miserable and sitting on my lap as I type....waiting for the panadol to kick in.

Certainly back to reality after my night off at the pink concert.  I never really had a chance to recover.

Lucky the weather is nice so I can wash all the bed sheets.

Last night I went to my first ever concert.  P!NK.  It was brilliant. We were up the front, about 6 people from the stage and had a great view of everything.

I could sing at the top of my voice and no-one could hear me.  Great therapy- highly recommend it.

(Am having probs uploading photos.  I will save blog then go in to edit to add more photos in a minute- that usually works)

 

 

Yesterday the kids had an afternoon at daddy's house.  I am on holidays from work and I was guessing that since there was no 'need' for the kids to see their dad, that they probably wouldn't see him much the next 2 weeks.  so since it was daddy's weekend (my usual working weekend) they went to his house for the afternoon.  I said multiple times- "I will pick them up affter dinner" and left their pyjamas just in case he wanted to do the evening bath thing.

So after dinner I arrived at his place.  Knocked on the door.  No answer. knocked again, no answer.  maybe I'm not knocking load enough- knocked harder.  maybe he was busy changing a nappy- waited, knocked again.

Where the hell is he?  the lights are on.  Rang his mobile (my battery was about to go flat), no answer.  starting to panic now.  BANGED on the door.

then my phone rang.  it was him. "where the hell are you?" i said.  "i'm at your place" he says.  "what part of I'll pick them up after dinner didn't you understand".  GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

ANYWAY, thats over and done with now.  I'm on holidays and I am kid-free tomorrow.  I'm going to do my tax in the morning (YAY) and then have a massage after lunch (not suprisingly I have a knot of muscle tensing in the back of my neck thats giving me a headache), do some childfree shopping.  THEN I'M GOING TO THE PINK CONCERT to belt out my anthem (so what) LIVE!

I've never been to a concert before (sad, I know).

Gotta go and check on the kids- I can hear them raiding the fridge.

love to all

xx josie

 

I was late for work this morning! Even with 3 kids, I am rarely late for anything.

Why? because my ex is becoming more and more unreliable and not coping with the little responsibility he has.

I have to leave for work at 6:15am.  Every Tuesday this is the routine: i get ready for work, ex comes to get the kids ready and take them to childcare so that i can get to work by 7am.  I was still waiting for him at 6:30.  guessing that he was going to lack in his reponsibilities (yes, that is where my expectations are of him  at the moment) I had started getting the kids ready.

He turns up at 6:30, says "i forgot my car seats, I'll use yours".  um, no you wont, how will i pick up the kids with no car seats this afternoon if they are in your car???????

so then I have to get the kids ready (one of whom was still asleep) rush out the door and take the kids to childcare myself.  Meanwhile the selfish git is oblivious to the fact that the rush has a negative impact on how the kids feel about going to childcare (Lachlan did not want to be left, charlotte was crying while getting dressed because she was still half asleep) and I am inconveniencing my work collegues by being late, and my day gets behind from the start, and I risk the reputation of being an unreliable staff member (which I pride myself on being on time and reliable).  He doesn't understand the ripple effect of his actions (or lack thereof)

I don't ask much from him, I never have, but I expect him to be able to cope with his responsibilities.  Is that too much to ask?  he will never get custody.  I am going to make sure of that.  For the sake of the kids.  This is only todays incident.  Every time he has care of them, something goes wrong.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (thats me screaming into pillow).

Thanks for nothing (again) A***hole!

(sorry, I am not usually that mean, but as you may have noticed, he has a tendancy to bring out the worst in me).

Oh well, off to do the dishes, clean the house, wash the dirty marks off the carpet, pick up the food thrown on the floor etc etc etc.....all that is life of a single mum with RESPONSIBILITIES that are actually FULFILLED.

Children learn what they live.

If a child lives with criticism
                                                 The child learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility
                                               the child learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule
                                              The child learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame
                                                The child learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance
                                                  The child learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement
                                                                The child learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise
                                             The child learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness
                                                The child learns justice.

If a child lives with security
                                                The child learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval
                                                 The child learns to like themselves.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
                                                                               The child learns to find love in the world.

(adapted by Dorothy Law Nolte)

WHY IS MY ADVICE ARTICLE REJECTED AGAIN??????????

I know why!.  Stupid automatic word rejecter thingy!

like i'm going to publish something offensive! LOL.  I'm trying to save the world, people.  not offend.....hehehehe