Had a stressful month, and I don't think its about to let up any time soon.  in fact, I think it will be at least another year before everything has settled down.  At the moment I am dealing with a lot of change in my life....nothing is stable or constant.

-The separation- I am over.  I still believe this was the best decsion of my life and he continues to prove what a jerk he is.  As every day goes by i think less and less of him and wonder what the hell i ever saw in him.

-the house- i am still waiting to find out why my house is falling apart. so far i have had a valuer, building inspector, insurance company and engineer come.  all have different opinions and I am now waiting for the plumbers survey.  if its soil movement then i have to pay for repairs, if its structural, then i have to chase the builder to fix it (thats going to be a nightmare since they have already claimed its not their problem), if its a burst water pipe under the foundations then insurance should cover it.  either way....its going to be messy.

                     - I am keeping an eye on the house market.  I have accepted that I need to move house, even though it would be nice to have familiar surroundings through all this.

                    - when I move the kids might have to change schools.  i really dont want to uproot them but if i have to i would prefer to do it before the school year starts (i think i have no chance of getting the house ready for sale and moving in the next 5 months).

                   - i am not sure what belongings/furniture i can keep.  the next house will be smaller and i will have to sell some stuff.

-work- when the kids go to school I have to find away to do some shifts and get them to school.  i cant change workplaces or go casual because i will need to apply for a home loan soon.  stressing over my options there.  i have already spoken to my boss and she cant give me any shifts on a permanant basis other than the usual 0700-1530, 1300-2130 or 2100-0730.  my best bet is to get day shifts in outpatients, clinic or day surgery.  I want to do shifts that eliminate the need to rely on the kids dad for care (so weekends are out).  i am so far not impressed with the lifestyle he is encouraging and the mess he lives in.

my body- even "I" am changing.  i have to do some shopping for summer because my clothes dont fit.  my usual size 12 (was up to 14 for a few months after imogen) is now a faded 8-10.  I have no breasts and when I finish breastfeeding i will have to get all new bras. 

I can understand how it is said that change is the most stressful thing in a persons life.  The only constant in my life is my 3 gorgeous kids and my family.

I am still going to counselling to keep myself rational.  I am having my first girls night out in several years for my birthday.  I am very much looking forward to that one.  I bought new shoes!