Hi guys,

With the recent article and chit chat about abortion this is what I have to say . . . . . .. . . . .

I have had to have a abortion! ! ! ! It was the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do in my entire life and like the writer of this latest article it is something that I will NEVER get over . . . My baby was so sick whilst growing inside me that Dr's told me he would NOT survive outside my womb and if my baby survived being born then all he would feel was severe pain for his expected 1 or 2 hours of life . . . .

Imagine if you can a 20 yr old female with a cute and bubbly little girl in a relationship that was not ideal.
Imagine this 20 yr had been warned NEVER to have any more children as she apparently had a rare and severe medical condition.
Imagine this 20 yr old discovering that she was pregnant again even though ALL precautions had been taken!
Imagine this 20 being put straight into hospital because the Dr's didn't know what to do,
Then imagine this 20 yr old laying on a bed having an ultrasound watching this tiny little baby inside her playing and kicking and moving around as she is being told how baby sick this little baby is!!!!!!
IMAGINE how it felt! ! ! ! The 20yr old was ME ! ! !

I will never EVER in my life be able to completely deal with this and to be honest I never want to! ! ! ! !

I spent another 7 days laying in hospital trying to decide what to do. Wondering if the doctors were right or wrong! wondering if the little baby I had watched playing could really be as sick as they said . .  It was torture, it was a nightmare . . MY nightmare and it was real! Eventually I had to face the fact that what these Dr's were telling me was fact and the protective mother instinct inside of me took over and I agreed to terminate my pregnancy. The idea of my child having to suffer when I could prevent it seemed cruel and who was I to force an innocent young baby to suffer so much pain . .

My partner and I had never agreed on what to do . . His instinct was to terminate straight away, whilst mine had been to delay. We argued for the whole 7 days while I thought . . .  It was not a good situation for any of us . .

Even though I had agreed to the termination I had several requests . . I wanted to know my babies sex and I wanted to bury my baby. At the time I was told this was okay . . HOWEVER after the termination was completed and I was back up on the ward I was told that I couldn't bury my baby as he never took a breathe and he was under 20 weeks. Apparently it was the law . . BUT they did tell me my baby was a little boy . . . I NEVER told my partner our babies sex as I guess this was my way of punishing him . . .

I named my son Daniel William and I held a private naming ceremony with a grief counsellor a a few nice nurses . . This was all I would ever have of my precious son . . .

It wasn't long before word got out that I had supposedly "killed" my baby . .  In a small community in TAS that is unheard of. The looks, stares and comments were beyond belief. Dead animals were left on my door and prank phone calls etc were non stop . . My relationship had had ended badly not long after I left the hospital and I was a young single mum dealing with all this prejudice . .  In the end I had no choice but to leave my home behind, the home which I treasured and felt close to my son . .

My life spiralled out of control for many years and I made many bad decisions for which I will always regret . . .  Just when I was beginning to live a somewhat normal life the news came that I had been misdiagnosed and DID NOT have this RARE medial condition and should never have been on the medication that I was taking  and the had caused the problems with my son . . . This caused me to once again mourn the loss of my beautiful son whom was an innocent.

NOW TODAY - I have 3 adorable girls and a fantastic husband but I still grieve for my son! ! ! 1 This Jan 14th would have been his 16th Birthday! ! !

To all those whom pass judgement on those that have had terminations  . .  UNLESS you have lived it, KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF . . . .  Thinking it and living with it are TWO different things altogether . .  There are many reasons for a termination and each women's reason are her OWN . . . ..  Respect that and respect the hell that some women live with over their decision whether or not it was right or wrong . .