A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Tuesday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel.

There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and, without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who had a heart attack and died.

The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: April 1, 2008

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

This has been another community announcement from Kellzacar . . . Have a great Day

 

 

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.'
 
'Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'- 'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'
 
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
 
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
 
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'
To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!'
 
See - Men just don't listen! This has been another community announcement by Kellzacar

Hi guys,

Well as you know I am having a surprise guest coming to stay with me on the 1st of August, well this seems to be contagious as now the Month of August is all booked up with guests from the mainalnd . . .

1st August - Surprise Guest - YIPPEE

4th - Guest leaves

4-5th August - Debbie and her whole family arrive!! For those who don't know Debbie was known as Blackwidowkate but she is no longer a minti member as she left to spend more time with her family. So Deb and her hubby and 3 kids will ALL be here and are mosy likely staying for 1-2 weeks . . . YIPPEE

End August -  Dad is coming to stay . .  He has been living in Sydney and is coming down for a holiday from work and will be catching up with us all . . . YIPPEE again . . .

WOW what a huge month . . . .   Then June is also beginning to look like to may be just as busy .  Good thing that I have a spare rumpus with two double beds and a porta cot . . . 

Anyone else wanna come visit Kellzacar Hotel, accomadation is FREE but all donations are welcome . . .????

Everyone is welcome   . .

Thanks Arna.

You have raised a very good point and one that I am passionate about. What about the neighbours?? I find is totally disgusting that the neighbours in this situation did NOTHING . .

This is disgusting and unacceptable! Stories have been coming out about how the other children would go into neighbours homes and take food, or knock on the door in little or NO clothing asking for food.

The neighbours were aware of the fact that this family also had twins and never once did they think to check on the  even though they were aware of the older children asking for food!!! YES they did report some things to Community Services BUT when it was evident that nothing was changing why did they do nothing else?

WHAT HAS the world come to when neighbours can miss something like this through ignorance!!!

It was a neighbour that saved mine and my sister's lives when we were young, she would lift us over the fence and feed us REAL food. My sister and I would marvel at the whole big plate of food that would be put in front of us. This simple act of kindness is something that neither my younger sister nor I have ever forgotten . .

This neighbour also regularly knocked on our front door and dragged our lazy mother out of bed and made sure that she knew that Community Services had been told about her lack of parenting!!

IF this woman is reading this - I was the elders of those two young sisters girl in PARRY STREET, Newcastle in 1980 that you SAVED from starvation . . . THANKYOU for the gift of life!! Thank you for your time, your compassion and your patience as you explained what each food item was. Thank you for the fruit you would pass over the back fence and thank your for the lunch parcels you would pass us as we walked past your front door on the way to school.

As for the neighbours of these poor twins and their siblings - I hope you ALL take a good look at yourselves and make changes to your lives and to the way your look at your neighbours!!

To the rest of the world - PLEASE take the time to look around your street and community. Take an interest and do not be ignorant!! Who knows, one day you may just save a life!!

 

Hi guys,

I have cut and pasted this but please read as I have something to say . .

June 20, 2008 01:17am
Article from: The Courier-Mail

    * Accused child killer posted regularly on parenting site
    * Posted that she couldn't cope with motherhood
    * Said it was killing her

THE mother accused of killing and torturing her 18-month-old twins in Brisbane's south had documented the nightmare she lived trying to raise her young family.

The woman and her estranged partner were yesterday charged with murder and torture following the grisly discovery of the twins' decomposed bodies in their Sunnybank Hills home.

The woman's anguish was revealed yesterday when her postings - including photos of her babies - were found on a popular Australian parents' website.

The 30-year-old mother, who cannot be named, wrote that she was concerned she "sounded selfish" as she bared her soul.

"I would like to know how other parents of large families cope from morning to night," the mother wrote on the Bubhub website.

"I find that I am drowning since I had the twins. I just can't get everything flowing nicely any more in a routine, it is just do whatever, and at the moment it is killing me.

"I put on 30kgs while pregnant with them and haven't lost a thing since having them. It is all just blah.

"I started crying last night when I wanted to go out because in the legs I was fine, it was all the top half, it was all just out there and it looked awful."

The posts, also revealed on the Seven Network's Today Tonight last night, were made in December - at that time the woman's relationship was breaking down and police allege the torture of the twins began.

"I like things done at certain times, and the house cleaned, but I don't seem to have enough time to anything for myself or have the kids to have their baths or their dinner anymore before 7pm," she wrote.

The woman and her 28-year-old partner sat at opposite ends of the dock in court yesterday as police said the pair would be charged with two counts of murder and two of torture.

Police claim that between Christmas Day and this week, the pair tortured and murdered the babies at their Sunnybank Hills home.

They are still facing two charges each of failing to provide the necessaries of life dating to October 1.

The couple's four surviving children were yesterday taken to hospital by their grandmother for health checks while a shocked community rallied around them.

Right - Knowing about what these poor little angels went through has been very saddening to nearly everyone whom has either read it in the paper or heard about it on the news . . 

I don't need to tell you all how sad this has made me BUT I do need to say that for all we know this poor mum may have even been here . . This is something that we will never know BUT it is also one of the reasons why if I see a post in the Q&A section that concerns me I privately email the concerned member if a can . .

Sadly there are times when a person comes along and goes anon and that is to be expected BUT my fear is that if this person needs help then how does one help when you can't email . .  It is with a heavy heart that I HOPE and PRAY and the ADMIN of this GREAT parenting site do keep an eye out for any posts which may be a cry for help and that they do attempt to privately email this person themselves . . .

At the end of the day we all have to do what we can to help and support each other REGARDLESS of our likes and dislikes . . I know that if I can help I do my best and I can only hope that our ADMIN are watching over their flock . .

This is not a dig at our ADMIN as we all know that they are GREAT but I just want the ENTIRE community to be ever watchful as it is what us mums do and what friends do and even acquaintance's . .

PEACE BE WITH EVERYONE  . . . xoxoxox

 

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

”Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said: “That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

”You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said: “That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

”Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.”

But man said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information I'm doing it as a public service.

Hi Guys,

TODAY I got some exciting news!! . . On august the 1st one of my Minti friends will be coming to visit me, she will be leaving the comfort of her home and coming across the Straight for a few days R7R . . .

BUT she has sworn me to secrecy as to who she is!!! She will only allow me to tell her name once she arrives!!

So lets have some fun and see if anyone can guess who she is . . . Here are some hints:

• She is not shy
• She can be very blunt but in a good way
• She has a good sense of humour
• She loves a jokes
• She is loyal and lovable
• She is fierce and strong
• She is WHO????

cheers Kellz

ROFL

Well lately I have come to the conclusion that all three of my darling girls are freaks!! . . Quite often they will do some funny things that are just too funny for words or too stupid to believe BUT its all in the need to make me laugh!!

Anyway I thought I'd share an example of each of my girls and why they are FREAKS . . Funnily enough the term 'freak' is my 9 yr old Danesha's new word!!

Story one - My digital camera went missing and all my girls swore that they had NOT seen it. Even Sumara put her hands up to gesture she had 'no idea' . .  Surprisingly the next day it turns up back where it should have been in the first place. Smelling a rat I uploaded the pics and CAUGHT a rat!! . . . YES Danesha had my camera and the proof was in the pictures, she had posed some great self portraits:

Story two - Every now and then I take up a collection of clothes to donate to charity. I phone around my friends and also go through my kids wardrobes and then I sort it into bags ready to be delivered. This year there was a twist. My 17 yr old Sam decided to play at being model. What made this even funnier was the she was squeezing herself into girls size 7and 8's in order to get  good laugh, then for the extra laugh she would strike a pose. So here is my 17 yr old showing you all how entertaining she can be:

Story three - Now we come to my ever precious and slightly naughty two year old Sumara. We were all rushing around getting reading for house inspection. We didn't need to do much as I am pretty fussy and clean BUT I wanted to make sure that everyone was up and dressed and looking nice. While I was in the shower my liitle angel decidied that the back yard looked ever so entertaining especailly with ALL that mud! . .  When I finally got her inside I asked her what she was doing, to this she replied "Yum Yum, mummy" . . Now looking at this photo you will all understand why I couldn't gowl,

SO am I right or am I wrong?? . .  Freaks I tell you all and guess what else, they ALL get it from their DAD .  SEE BELOW

THAT FUNNY SOUND YOU CAN HEAR IS ME RUNNING FROM MY HUBBY WHEN HE SEE'S THIS . ..  ROFL

 

Hi guys,

As you all know I have been struck down by that horrible flu like bug that is going around as as a result I have down and out as well as losing my voice . .

Well poor Danesha has been been feeling neglected because I haven't been cooking with her and I felt so horrible as she was really disappointed BUT along came daddy to the rescue . .  He offered to help Danesha cook something once Sumara went to bed . .

So here are some pics of the two of em cooking some yummy Choc Chip Cookies. I should also add that this was hubby and Danesha's first time cooking biscuits!

HUBBY AND DANESHA IN DEEP THOUGHT AND CONCENTRATION

A GOOD COOK HAS TO SAMPLE THE FOOD - that was their excuse . .

All ready for the oven BUT OMG check out those hands . . .

THE FINISHED PRODUCT

YES they were edible but only just, they had put in way to many choc chips so the bikkies were very sweet . .

Regardless of the out come they both had a GREAT time and I had a great laugh (silently cause I have no voice) and that was what is important . . Daddy is great at coming to the rescue and Danesha is eager to have another go BUT not with me. Seems dad is way cool so I have been fired!

 

Hi guys,

Well my kids are happy and my hubby is laughing but I am NOT ! ! !

I've been battling that horrible flu like bug that is getting around and now I have lost my voice ! ! ! How wrong is that!!?? I feel so totally helpless without my voice, to be bluntly honest we ALL take our voice for granted and I want mine BACK!

Sumara thinks it funny that I can't tell her NO as is getting into everything she can when ever daddy isn't around and then Danesha is spending her days laughing at me trying to talk . . Hubby is being the ever loving hubby and saying "its alright honey, don't stress" but has a smirk on his face!!

Oh well I am glad that my illness is a since of laughter for my family BUT I am so OVER IT!!! . .  Everyone is ringing me out of concern as I haven't been around, THANKYOU ALL . . BUT I can't talk so I hope you understand me not taking your calls.

Anyway . .  I am back off to my sick bed. . .  Hubby is insisting that I stay there as much as possible as my Lupus and Diabetes don't particularly like this bug BUT I a, one tough chick and am stubborn to the end!!

HUGS TO ALL . . .

All women will find this hilarious! It's written by a man...need I say more . . . . . .

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was written by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.  Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh it,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL???

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you eve r feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb too know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I sa w a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

 P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'