Here I am the beginning of my first post which supposedly should include some details of feelings.  It is all so clinical when I think about it like that.  Over the day I have thought about what I would like to talk about and I have no idea how to begin.  My concern about straying from the facts is the impace it could have on others.

For example if I was to talk about the impact work is having on me at the moment and someone I know from work or god forbid a client reads this then it could effect me negatively or positively depending on what is happening at the moment.  Then there is the impact on family and friends if I start talking about how I feel about various issues in my life.

Now my husband says I don't have to post everything but where do you draw the line.  What is safe to blog about and what is not.  It is like I have to sensor my thoughts in a way.  Maybe it is safer not to talk about it at all.  What I do know is that I am great at rambling on, such as this post.

SO MOVING ON

I haven't seen Mia since yesterday morning when I dropped her off at mum's.  She has been given the all clear from the chicken pox but we still don't have full time day care so my mum has been looking after her on Tuesdays.  With Richard away they offered to have her over night and bring her home tonight. 

It gave me a lot of free time but to be honest it was a little quiet in my house last night.  I did what all girls do when they are home by themselves, I went for a walk with a friend and her two cute little dogs, hired a dvd, bought a pizza and chocolate and kicked back on the recliner checking out Minti every now and then. 

More work today - this full time stuff takes a little getting used to.  When I returned home I was counting down the mintues until Mia returned.  To fill in the time I went for another walk to return the dvd's and ended up with a really bad bloody blister for my troubles.  Teach me not to wear the right socks.

Not long after my return there was a knock on the door, something about seeing her face when I open the door is awesome.  First question out of her mouth was "Where's Daddy?"  I had to remind her that daddy was on holidays.  It was time for bed straight away, we cuddled up in her bed to read her favourite book - Where's the Green Sheep, it is so cute how every time we read this book she makes the same comments on the same pages and waits for me to repeat what she says before she turns the page.  It is these moments that I love being a mum.  The joy she gets from just having mummy read her a book is second to nothing else.

When I tried to tuck her in afte the story, she brought out the emotional black mail.  Lay down with me a little while mummy, I'm hungry etc.  It was hard to leave the room, I feel guilty about not spending much time with her since I increased my days at work.  I sat outside her room for a few mintues listening to her call out, feeling really sad but remembering it is better for her if I dont return.  Walking in that room would have been about making me feel better rather than anything to do with her.

It is almost time for me to go to bed, another big day at the office.  Must admit though I am loving the challenge of the new role and it is something I have needed to return to my life.  I love going to the office but equally love coming home.  I wonder if that is what they call a balance.