OK So I feel like a complete failure....

I refuse to do controlled crying - everything I read says it's harmful to a baby's psyche and their trust.  So I do the No cry thing.  Beautiful - taken us a while to work up to a position where I feel I can put B to sleep in her cot.  Feeling strong, I do it.  At first, brilliant.  She goes to sleep after minimal fuss.  Then she wakes shortly afterwards.  I keep going.  The next night is better and she sleeps through.  The next night she takes a while to go to sleep but then she sleeps all night.

So we come to last night....  R refuses to sleep in his room as he is scared of the window & the ghosts outside (another issue!).  So, as Dad is away I let him in my bed.  They keep each other awake until she is beside herself.  Lots of angst, crying (not just her I might add) and frustration later they finally both fall asleep in my room at 11.00pm.  They sleep all night  (though R keeps reaching out for me - obviously having bad dreams still).  We are still tired when the phone wakes us this morning.

So they are tired and grumpy.  B has 2 sleeps - one in the car and one on my bed as she is so tired I just put her down and she is almost asleep.  Then comes this evening.  Routine works beautifully.  i explain to R if he can go to his room while I get her to sleep so they don't keep each otehr awake.  Then she cries on and off for hours. I pat her, I stroke her.  She goes to sleep.  The minute I move away she is sitting up crying again.  I let her cry a bit and then try again.  this happens multiple times.  Meantime R is wanting mummy and wanting stories.  Between them I am so frazzled I am ready to scream, cry ,whatever. 

Finally after 2 hours I cave in and feed her to sleep in my bed.  By now it is hours past bed time and R is still awake and wanting more stories.  I am at a loss to know what to do.  Why can I not have a child that sleeps??  Why is it so hard?  I agonise over it, wondering what I am doing wrong, why me?  How do I help her sleep without me so we can all get sleep?  how can I do it without losing her trust?  Is crying so bad?  (my gut says yes but I am at the point of crying myself so something must give)  Why is R so afraid of sleeping & of ghosts??

I am at the point where I know I need a break but I can't see one in sight.  I need some time to rest and some time to myself and it never happens.  I am so jealous of DH who gets to go away and spend time mixing with other adults.  Yet, I love my kids to bits and I love being with them.  I want to be with them and be around while they are growing up.  I just need something left of ME and at the moment I am wondering what that is.  I can't explain this to DH - his answer is to go back to work, which I don't want to do.  What is the answer, then?  Any brilliant ideas anyone as I am all out!