Went to see the new baby last night and she is gorgeous!  For a mum who had a caesar on Tuesday my friend looked amazing - she was moving around very well and not hunched over at all, good colour and taking it all in her stride - well done!  Dad was over the moon and grinned the whole time.  Despite a difficult time they are doing well.  Had a long chat to her hubby about the delivery and his feelings about it - amazing really!  Had a cuddle of my god-daughter - lovely!

To top it all off, Bella, who has been talking more every day, managed to string two words together today - "More Drink" - very good, considering she is not even 18months until next week.  Very proud of her!

My  best friend had a baby girl last night and I am so excited!  They have been married longer than us but were never in a hurry to have children. then they were told that their chances were slim as she has PCOS.  They tried for 2 years, gave up and told everyone that they couldn't have children.  Then when she discovered she was pregnant there was a lot of anxiety about the baby.  Now she has a healthy, complete baby girl, Rebecca Kate (beautiful name!).  She had a caesar so the delivery didn't go as planned, though she will be a bit disappointed and tired she knew it was a possibility and I hope she is just happy to have her gorgeous girl.  I am so excited I got all teary when they rang.  What else can I say - congratulations!!

Another priceless one from my little man:  "When you get married you get cake and babies"  Not far off buddy....

Anyway, he had a rough trot this week.  On Thursday he was bitten by another child.  As soon as I arrived at preschool they came and told me and reassured me that though he had been very upset he was calm now and had had an ice pack on it.  It did not break the skin but was quite bruised.  They wouldn't tell me who, but I guessed and when he told me later I was right. 

I was upset for his sake but felt powerless as there was not much I could do about it. The child in question has issues - I think he is autistic - and R has really tried to make friends with him, while most of the children ignore him.  However apparently R was on the swing and this child wanted a turn, so tried to pull him off. R said "No, you can't do that", so the child bit him.  It would really have hurt.
At least he can stand up for himself, but I really hate the thought of my little man being hurt - though I guess it is part of being a kid.  I explained that this little boy has his own issues and asked R if he would forgive him.  He said he would still be friends with the little boy "but he'll still be mean to me..."  you can't say fairer than that!

Just read Marg's blog and it made me smile.  i was thinking the same thing yesterday. 

I popped in to visit my oldest friend (been best friends since we were 6 even though we live 1 1/2 hours apart).  She is due to have her first baby within the next week.  It seems so funny to think that 4 1/2 years ago I was in her shoes - knew lots about parenting in my head, but nothing like the reality that hits when that baby is born. 
My first was not an easy pregnancy or delivery and I can fully relate to that anxiety she is having: "I want the baby out so I can see it is OK".  She can't think past the baby's birth - how could you? your life is about to change in so many ways.  I try and explain it to her but how can you?  We joke about the sleepless nights, I reassure her to ask for help and advice, to stand up for herself at the same time, to do what works and feel best.  But how can you sum up the responsibility?  Explain the moment I realised that motherhood is 24/7 - no breaks.  Even when they are older and you can hand them on to someone else, part of you doesn't want to and they are never not part of you, no matter how big they become. 

The love that you feel for them is so huge and is also tied up with fear - fear that they could be hurt or suffer.  You would do anything for them - and yet, I have to say, at times you want a day off, just time not being "mum" as it can be so intense and so all encompassing - no privacy, no space, not a tidy room in the house.  I feel like I have two attachments that never leave me, and when they snuggle up to me, I wouldn't want them to.  It is such a roller-coaster.

I can't explain any of that, all my mixed up feelings and the intensity of it all.  All I can do is rejoice with her, as we are so joyful this baby even exists, and then be alongside her whatever may come.  I wish I could do more - but there is no manual I could give her, no solution that will suit her and her baby and her husband to whatever may happen on their path. I'm not even sure I'll be all that much help.  So, I think of her and this path that we have chosen and the challenges it presents that you are never prepared for and I get all emotional, wondering at this huge thing we do and whether we are up to it.  Answer?  You don't get a choice, you do it as best you can and hope that what you do is the right thing - so long as it is done in love.

Been very busy and must go to bed, but just thought I'd add another funny....  Friday night we had a friend over for dinner.  I had just commented to her that my kids seem a bit 'more' of everything than my friends' kids or is it my imagination - she agreed, I have to admit.....  Then she went to the bathroom and called me in to 'tidy up' as Bella (lovely angel that she is) had taken a whole packet of sanitary pads - taken each one out of its cover - and stuffed them all down the toilet - lovely!  Good thing my friend has a sense of humour!

Must go to bed - very tired.  I was waiting for DH to come home but I think I officially give up.  He has just recently volunteered with the Rural Fire Service and tonight was his first call out - only just up the road, but it is almost midnight and he has to be up at 5 for work!  Better get some sleep so we are not both wiped!

Another day home with the kids - as per yesterday he coughed horribly first thing this morning and was adamant he wasn't going to school, by midday there is nothing wrong!  Anyway, it's not a bad thing as we all have colds - at least this way we're not spreading it!

Had to laugh yesterday - they had a Zulu dancer at preschool yesterday afternoon, so we went just for an hour so he didn't miss out.  I kept thinking he would love this, as he is very into making music and dancing, and loves his drum.  He sat in the front row and even went up the front when the dancer called for volunteers to dance (great!) - then stood there with his fingers in his ears while everyone else was dancing.  The parents thought it was hilarious - I was laughing and embarrassed all at the same time.  The teacher smiled and told me she was very impressed he got up there at all.

Meanwhile his sister ran up and down the aisle making friends with everyone.  She was happy to be the centre of attention, and (very sweetly) kept going up and sitting next to her brother and cuddling him.  It goes to show that you don't always know what your kids will do.  I thought they'd love it - both very into noise and music and both love dancing.  She largely ignored the performance as the kids and parents were more interesting and he just sat there with his hands over his ears.  When i got up on stage to join in, neither of them even noticed.

I asked R if he had a good time.  "No" he replied, "the man was too noisy and too crazy".  Very funny, as I think he is too noisy and too crazy most of the time!  Then later he told me "the African man's mummy named him 'Lucky', but God named me Royston".  Nothing like an inflated sense of your own importance....

Well, it has rained all week. Lovely rain - our tanks are full (which is great as they were very low). In fact it has rained for more than a week and I think we have had enough. The washing is piling up - I have bought a second hand dryer but can't pick it up until the weekend. R has been asking all week "can I go to preschool today" and finally today - his preschool day - he has come down with a cold and is home sick! B is even worse so they are both snotty and coughing and miserable. I might light the fire to cheer us all up...

The lack of sleep is not helping. R would not sleep last night without me lying beside him, and, of course, my third arm (Bella) would not leave me alone, so lots of drama. i tried putting her in her bed (same room as her brother) and she fell asleep - for five minutes! Then woke up and was full of beans.... Finally she fell asleep with me in my bed and was joined by her brother a couple of hours later. What with all the coughing, kicking and rolling around it's not very comfortable. The only benefit is the cuddles and lovely smiles you get when they wake up beside you.

B is very clingy at the moment - will not leave me alone. I feel like we are attached 24hrs - which at 17mths gets a bit uncomfortable at times. She is also very jealous of any attention I give her brother and will forcibly intervene between us. He is getting quite irritated and wants mummy time, but if I ask DH to take B she screams the whole time. Very draining.

Upside to the week - 2 funny stories.... The first was R stuffing little green furry balls up his nose - because his sister gave them to him and they look like "boogie monsters"... out came the tweezers very carefully. I also had a giggle when he told me (after reading the Biggest Bed book) that "Daddy can't sleep on his own - but there are plenty of people he can sleep with" very funny - but I must admit I didn't want him sharing it with his teachers!

To cap it all off, he had a hair cut yesterday.
"Don't want a haircut Mum"
"but you need one"
"I like my hair"
"Yes but we like to see your beautiful face"
"well i don't want you to see it"
so, reluctantly he heads in and sits down. The lady spiked up his hair after cutting it and then he spoke to every person in the shopping centre, saying "look at my hair, it's cool!'. Then he came home and, looking in the mirror, told me he looks like a rock star!

Now he is asking if he can sleep in my bed for a while - he must be sick!!

Well, I did get some sleep - not much, but enough to get by on!  B started in my bed - finally falling asleep about 10.00, followed a couple of hours by her brother.  He tells me that he doesn't like his room or bed and that my bed is much better.  I am tough and make him go to sleep in his bed, but it never lasts long.  The trouble is that mine are both very restless sleepers and spread out (often across) the bed - leaving no room for me & dad!  I've been sorely tempted a few times to sleep in their room, but I am sure if I did there would still be no peace. Maybe I should try it.

I don't know what causes it. I know he has bad dreams - don't know why.  One night we had to lock the Duplo away because the little people from it were coming for him.  Other times he talks about other things - his imagination working overtime.  He is very creative and loves make believe - but maybe too much!  I have tried getting him to bed earlier, staying with him, limiting his TV watching, making sure he is very active during daylight - all to no avail.

I am trying to make their room better, rearranging and tidying and doing a big cleanout - it's taken me a few days and I'm still not done.  I don't know if that would help - or maybe painting his bed (one night he couldn't sleep as his bed was too dark and he wanted me to paint it at midnight).  Does anyone else have any ideas??

Well, after a typical day with my two I am wondering how on earth I could ever think about having a third (see my blog).  I have spent the day hearing "mummy mummy mummy" all day from 2 little mouths0 .- usually followed by "I want....".  If I have to say "don't" one more time I'll scream and as usual I get to the end of the day (after picking up things and cleaning up all day) and the house looks like its usual bombsite.  I have a little one who is still awake, while I am struggling to stay awake and I would love some time to myself.  I have been tough and told master four that he can't sleep in my bed as I need a break, but I think I may have to cave on B as she is not settling??  I love them to pieces and we have had laughs along the way, so don't misunderstand me it is not all gloom, just frustrating.  But now it is time to sleep..... if I am allowed.

Went to visit the friend who had her third son two weeks ago.  Got to hold that tiny body and smell that fresh baby smell.  Nothing like holding a baby for making you want one.  Yes - and my son desparately wants one.  I'm still undecided - I reserve the right to decide I want another child down the track, but I'm still unsure.

After my second I was convinced two was enough and I gave away all my baby stuff (to my best friend who is giving birth to my godchild next week!).  I have not had an easy time with pregnancies and delivery - pre-eclampsia, emergency caesar, long second labour, PND etc...  To go again is scary even considering....  I struggle to keep up with my 2 - to be a good mum, to be selfless and have energy for both.  I don't cope well with lack of sleep (and mine are both bad sleepers).  I have one of each.  We struggle financially.  We live in a two bedroom house.  All good logical reasons to stick to 2 - and I am happy with my 2!

And yet, when you hold that little frail body in your arms and think how small and needy they are, somehow something within just says "I could do it again";  then I come home - and think "could I really?" and do I want to??  Who knows.....

Should I feel upset? My son told me this morning that he wants a new mummy. I asked him why and he told me he wanted one that was better, so i asked what the new mummy would do that I don't.  "Get a baby brother in her tummy - and a new baby sister too!"   mmmmm  do you think he's trying to make a point?  He's asked a few times for a baby brother and DH and I have put him off saying it's not that easy and we're not sure it's a good idea - he's obviously no convinced!

Anyway, here's a photo for Friday - an old one I'm afraid.  If I could work out how I would download B eating vegemite straight from the jar - but I'm not that clever today!