I have just found out that my friend who tried to commit suicide last week tried again while still in hospital.  I talked to another friend of hers last night and we really wonder how we can help.  It is so sad and seems so hopeless.  What do you say or do to help someone who is so convinced of the pointlessness of living and doesn't want to suffer any more.  I really feel for her and for her family.  Her illness is so strong and she can't see past it - it is controlling her thinking and her actions.  It feels so horrible and I feel so powerless.  All I can do is pray for her and visit her.  I feel like there should be more but I don't know what.   AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

OK - in the last two weeks my son & his best friend next door have
1) thrown stones at next door;s car
2) poured water all over next door's carpet
3) thrown his seedling pots all over the garden
He has been sent home in disgrace each time and I have made him apologise.  Each time I have talked to him and he can't tell me why - obviously they egg each other on and I think maybe they are not supervised as much as he is at home (maybe?).  It's starting to be a big issue and I am having to use having friends over as incentive for good behaviour.

He has been answering back all the time, getting very frustrated and cross, hitting and throwing tantrums.  Today he bit a girl at playgroup (!)  We wonder if he has been getting a big hit of testosterone?? or else is he trying to get attention.

It is becoming a big concern.  He can be a lovely boy and very bright and affectionate, but with other kids (including his sister) can be a horror at times.  WHY WHY WHY

He went to bed early tonight so I shall see if that helps his behaviour for tomorrow.  Help!

Well, yesterday was very up and down.  my husband has been quite depressed and I've been encouraging him to take a holiday but he won't.  Then this business with work and I've never seen him so down.  Yesterday he had enough - he discovered he has almost two months leave accrued so he was all prepared to quit and just move on (if he quits he would quite like to move so he is not mixing with people from his job - typical man - run and hide!).  A very good friend offered him a temporary job to tide him over if that helped (thanks!) Then he had a chat to another friend who advised caution.  So by the end of the day he had gone from 90% sure he was leaving and down, to definitely leaving and taking 2 months holiday, to possibly staying but taking 2 weeks holiday to decide.  So that is where it is now - he takes two weeks holiday and rethinks his (& our) life.  Very confusing for little ol' me.  Especially as I had spent the morning researching and talking through a job that would involve us moving 2 1/2 hours away and involves both of us managing a site (so it is a big job).  So I keep moving ahead with it and looking at other options while he takes time out.  It's a relief but I am very confused and have mixed feelings about it all.

In the midst of everything else at the moment, it struck me this morning how big my little girl is growing - nine months tomorrow!  She is so responsive and active.  She dances for me and loves music.  She is starting to let go of the furniture for a couple of seconds.  She smiles most of the time and it is not hard to make her laugh.  She is clapping and singing and copying our sounds.  I was going through baby clothes over the weekend (to give away) and came across a small all-in-one and can't believe it was only a few months ago she was in it!  Time flies so quickly and I can't believe she is almost a year old - where did it go??

Had a lovely couple of days recovering from the week and catching up with family - very nice.  We're all feeling very up in the air at the moment.  We've been talking about buying a house and therefore moving house for a while, and it was starting to look like this would happen in the next few months.  Then we have reached a point where my husband's job is up in the air and we don't know what the next step is.  Do we look for something local - and if so what?  Or do we take the plunge and look for something wider to settle elsewhere?  What is best for all of us? Tough call.

OK Here is my effort - not feeling inspired today so this is just a quickie of my almost nine month old enjoying Play School. My kids LOVE it! My son is sure they are talking to him and answers all their questions and joins in their activities. Now she has started watching it too as you can see!



PS Ignore the pile of washing please!!

Had a rough day and feeling blue.  Kids were great but went to visit a friend in hospital.  I was told she was in there but not why - go to visit and discover she attempted suicide.  This is a very dear friend in her 50s with adult children, who I have found has taught me so much about life and suffering.  She planned it all thoroughly (!) but realised half way through her bottle of pills and bottle of rum that it wasn't going to work as she intended.  She rang for help and I'm so glad she did.  A shock to her parents and friends who live nearby and had no idea.  She suffers from bi-polar and is despairing of ever recovering.  I think a bit of her despair has caught me and I feel upset.  I am thankful she is alive but so sad that she can't see her own beauty and worth and sad for the suffering she undergoes and gives to her kids & parents.  soo sad......

I come home and try to ring hubby - he had his monthly work meeting today and it went badly so he is grumpy and upset and I feel worse for having called him.  Then i hop on Minti and find that not only am I not helping people, I am accused of being naive!  How much worse can it get?  What is the point?  I pride myself on taking parenting seriously and research everything I do so that I do the best job I can and then someone makes one flyaway comment and it is all undermined.  Why bother?

OK I'm too tired to write this up as an article right now, but off the top of my head the two things I think I do for my kids are:

1) I care.  We start the day with a cuddle and a "good morning gorgeous" (he now says it back).  I want to know how he slept, did he dream and through  the day I talk t o him and ask him how things are going.  I tell him i love him multiple times a day.  There are lots of cuddles and kisses in our house.  If I am cross or upset - or he is - we sit down and talk about why.  We talk about the way we want things to be and how we can do them.  I care about his needs and his wants and his hurts.  I care about what is best for them in the short and long term and sometimes worry about it too much.  I do all these things for my daughter too but in a different way as she is still a baby.

2) I delight in my children.  I enjoy being with them and sharing things together.  I try to make the most of each moment and try to make life fun for them.  I love their smiles and their voices and try to make sure I hear them lots.

Is that the right kind of thing?  Let me think about this and I'll write it up tomorrow.

I  have to ask - why does my son wait until bedtime when I am frazzled and want to get two kids asleep, to ask the most dicey questions??  I try to make bedtime special - just him & me.  We talk and read stories and share things and then we pray together.  He always tells me just what to pray for and he astonishes me at who he is concerned for - today it was a neighbour and a friend's mum. 

Then come the questions.  A few days ago he asked me why we pray and yesterday he asked me who Jesus is (pertinent question - he heard a lot about baby Jesus at Christmas and of course is now asking why a baby is important and why he is a man in some stories!).  Then tonight he asked me why we call God Father - is he my Dad (even though he knows my Dad)?  Where is heaven?  and he also asked me about death and getting old.  He is adamant he won't die and neither will I.

I never expected a child could take in so much and think so much.  It just  goes to show you how much we underestimate what they can understand and how important it is to talk things through from an early age.  If he can understand this all at three what chance do I have of being able to answer his questions as he gets older??  Maybe I need to start reading up for it now ! LOL...  and on that note Good night!

I started cleaning out my wardrobe today as part of my new regime of simplifying life.  If I have less stuff I have less to clean up, I am not being so greedy and someone is benefiting from my off-loads (I hope!).
I know a couple of pregnant mums so I also cleaned out my baby linen and culled it down to what I really need so they can have the rest.  It is amazing how satisfying it feels.

What really stunned me though, was having clothes in my cupboard I don't remember - I don't know where they came from and had forgotten them.  They obviously get worn a lot (not!).  I feel very bad about it.  So I am telling myself not to buy any more clothes and to sell them instead.  That way I am earning money instead of spending so we are one step closer to being debt free - so the theory goes.  Wish me well as I am a shopping junkie and will need very strong will power!  Help!

It cleared for a couple of days so I could dry all our clothes and now it's raining again.  Fantastic!  We are having water tank issues (leakage) so every drop helps.

I didn't have my computer for a few days and I missed it SOOOO much.  My parents and my husband reckon I'm addicted!  Oh well, as long as my addiction doesn't harm anyone I guess it is OK.

Must go, baby Bella is eating dog food - poor child will think her name is "No Bella" as that is all she hears all day (she gets into everything).

One last note: my three year old was playing Sims with Daddy the other day and Daddy commented that their character was sad - "Why do you think he is sad?"

Master three: "He needs a girl in his bed!"  (OOPS! Where did he learn that??)

OK So things have been busy and I haven't got around to it yet.  Here goes!  This is my son taken by his Dad - a case of mixed messages or what??  Maybe he needs a job with the Village People??

Everything wet!  Running out of videos and the house is too small....  Ideas anyone??

Yes it is raining!  The tanks are filling and the ground awash!

Yesterday it bucketed down and hailed down.  The roads flooded and we had to take a back way home from my brother's house.  It hasn't stopped since.  Fantastic!!!  Lets hope it keeps up and falls where it is needed (like Goulburn, about 40kms away and the driest town in the state I gather).  I'll probably regret it soon, but for now it is great!

I don't know if I can show my face at preschool again next week.  This morning he was happy to go but wanted me to stay - I said I would if he needed me but as soon as we got there he was happy, so I left.  This afternoon he did not want to leave and got hysterical.  I carried him outside after 10 mins and he ran back inside again.  So one of the teachers carried him out to the car kicking and screaming.  We managed to get him in his seat but 15 metres down the road he climbed out.  I stopped the car and we stayed until he had calmed down (cuddles and chocolate help) and would get back in it.  But it took a long time.  I have never seen him like that.  He's had tantrums before but this was horrible and hysterical.  I don't know how I can face them again next week.

OK Here is my photo for today - this was taken last Sunday at a birthday party.  As we were leaving our house, I said "grab some wine!".  My husband looked at me strangely - "It's a kids birthday party!" he says.  "Yes" I replied "but if I know his Mum she'll appreciate it!".  True to form we weren't the only ones who brought wine or the only ones who had a glass.  It was a very laidback party in the park - the kids just played while the parents talked and we had a lovely picnic.  Very civilised! 

Hubby is a wine rep so we take wine everywhere - it's kind of expected now!  Anyway, he is very happy as (of course) the wine Bella is reaching for is his wine!!

OK - for a while now my little girl has been waking every 40 mins for the first couple of hours in the evening.  During January it reached a peak and then started to improve.  I noticed that after she woke once she slept for a few hours.  The the last few nights not only has she gone to bed in her own cot with little fuss, but she has slept until 1.00am.  Wow, I thought, this is it!

Tonight they both egged each other on - I would get one almost asleep and the other would cry - "Mummy".  It was just me at home and no help and it took me until 11.00 to get 2 increasingly tired kids to bed. I got to screaming point and in the end just took myself off and had a quick shower.  I felt better and master three had gone to sleep in my bed.  I lay her down on my bed and fed her to sleep at last!  Now they are both asleep in my bed - very cute - but where do I sleep??

I've been desperate to get my third stripe and I got it at last - don't know  how, but I'm proud!

OK So the poo thing was funny but not so funny when you have to clean it up (again!) and you have a screaming baby and you are tired and.......   anyway.....  rang hubby and he is concerned that maybe it is not just a boy thing but maybe he has no control over them - maybe I am over-reacting??  I don't know what to do - yes, the dog does it on the lawn too - but even she has her designated areas (she's always been fussy that way).....    aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh

OK So I am truly addicted but I really have to go to bed.  Have not had such a giggle in a long time - thanks for reminding me of the funny things about boys!  Sometimes I think they are from another planet (oh that's right - mars!) but they are well worth the energy. 
A lady in the shop (yes it is a small town - one shop!) commented to me today that she was glad I had a daughter as they are so good for you down the track.  But I think it is funny this assumption I would want a girl - I actually wanted 2 boys as I think boys are great.  yes they are a handful and can be hard to fathom for a mum, but I am constantly challenged and amused!

I initially dreaded having a girl as I remember how horrible I was to my mum at times - and so emotional (still am!). However I am loving it - and it makes me more girly!  Who thought I would ever dress my daughter in pink????  I used to hate pink!

I don't look forward to either of them being teenagers but I hope we will continue to have a great relationship always. 

OK Here is my little boy's first day at preschool.  Isn't he keen!