Having issues with Dh at the moment and am finding it very distressing.  He hates his job and has done so for months.  He is good at it but is completely text-a-phobic and really struggles with doing reports, which he has to do daily.  he has always been this way.  He is currently at a point where he is on notice that he will be let go if he does not keep them up.  Yet, he is behind on them and just will not do them.  I have nagged, reminded, teased, encouraged etc.... to no avail.  He is also showing signs of depression.

yesterday he told me that he is very emotional at the moment and very grateful for his lovely family & wife but worries how he will feed us all and pay for the house, when he is so useless at his job (his words).  Then when he was filling out some forms for our life insurance, he asked me if there was a suicide clause in it - I told him not to even joke about that! 

Today I helped him apply for another job, but the last one he applied for never even called him back so he is convinced the same will happen.

He just is not himself - he is grumpy and down, cross over everything and completely despondent and demotivated.  I had to apologise to Mum and Dad the other day as he was grumpy and ignored them the whole time they were here the other day. 

I rang our doctor but couldnt get him in until Monday.  It is really starting to worry me and make me feel down, but I don't know what to do.  i am trying to stay upbeat for the kids and keep going with the house, but had to let off steam somewhere...

Well, I think the house looked better a week ago - now it is full of boxes we haven't found a home for yet - very frustrating!  Still, the weather has been lovely and this house just flows into the outside, which I love.  The kids can go in and out as they please (great once the fence is up!) and the lounge room really opens up into the garden.

So, we have started working in the garden - pulling out a heap of climbers that the previous owner had planted.  I have planted a few lavender, roses, herbs (what you can get in Winter) and fruit trees.  However it is hard knowing where to go from here.

I have been reading all about organic vege gardens and growing your own fruit and veg, as well as having a cottage garden to attract insects, but I don't really know how to lay it all out.  We've never had to previously - just worked with what was there.  So it is great and worrying all at the same time.  Any tips anyone??  Maybe KathrynR01402 can help me??  Shame you're so far away.....  Oh well, back to the books!

We've spent the last few weeks moving.  DH moving the big stuff at the weekend and me doing the rest during the week - a load in my wagon every day (at least).  It's been tough on me and the kids and we have reached exhaustion a couple of times (and to the point of being sick! - you were all right I should have stopped)  Anyway, we are in and have been sleeping here for two weeks. 

The house was freezing at first but now it is mostly toasty warm - and the sunny days it is just beautiful - sun throughout the house!  Best of all is that we feel we have our lives back as grown ups - the kids are sharing a room and some nights we have had our bed to ourselves all night. 

Some nights - not all!!  At first Bella woke so frequently it was driving me nuts.  But the last four nights (get this!) she has slept all night in her own bed - that's right - all night!!  (finally at 14 months! - even R as bad as he was (and bad is an understatement) slept through at 11 months).  She still feeds to sleep - but in her bed not mine! and that and her morning feed are her only b/feeds. 

R still climbs into our bed occasionally - especially when Dad is away.  But then he is doing so much growing and learning at the moment it is hardly surprising.  His preschool teachers are astonished at his development in the last month - now his age doesn't seem so obvious at school.  However he has been somewhat of a challenge - one day just wandering off - he was following the dog!  They came back a few minutes later - together still, but it was enough to scare the *@$ out of me (we now live on the railway line and a block from the main road to the freeway).  Then the next day he 'hid' from me - in a plastic bag (we had unpacked and not put away yet)!!!  AAAGH!  So scary - he is obviously pushing his boundaries (and mine) - but does he have to be so dangerous about it??

Anyway we are all happy to be in our new house - loving the yard and the sun and the room!  Now I just need to find room for all the junk - should have just taken it straight to the tip!!

Been MIA - moved house, but Telstra elected not to move the phone over and when it finally got fixed I was told there was a wait on the transfer of internet!  So, we are now online and I have 2 weeks of email, eBay and Minti to catch up on.  All is well with us and I will write more later when I can!

Well we did get back into packing on Thursday but took it slowly.  Someone asked me how the kids are taking it and I thought - "well they seem fine, they love the new house" but the meltdowns I have had in the last few days show that there is more going on.  Bella is just tired and very clingy.  R has completely broken down a few times and had huge hysterics over small things - not getting a new toy from McDonalds, having the wrong straw, mummy having a shower etc....  He has also been very naughty and rubbed cream into the carpet, spread salt all over the floor and been very rough with his sister.  All while Dad is away of course!

So yesterday we had a big day out - we drove to Sydney and met up with his favourite cousin and went to see the Wiggles.  R loved it - he took a while to warm up to it and then got right into it.  He turned and whispered to me "we have a movie at home with the Wiggles on it".  We got so close to Captain Feathersword we could reach out and touch him (but I restrained myself!).  It was a really lovely concert and it is so great to see the kids enjoying themselves.  i think those guys deserve a medal for making so many children so happy - but then again they get paid plenty for it!

Then we went to McDonalds and he got his toy (at last!) - and promptly forgot about it.  He would not leave until he went up the climbing frame, but was too scared to climb it, so I had to get in as far as I could and help him (it's all plastic tunnels and tubing).  It took ages and then when he got up there he panicked and couldn't get down.  He was having hysterics and I spent half an hour coaxing him down - finally succeeding and he ran off laughing, while I needed a stiff drink...

It's funny cause it used to feel like he had a death wish - he had no fear and woudl do the craziest things, but lately he is scared of lots of things.  i wonder if it is an age thing or a security thing?? 

Anyway, he has now gone off with his aunty for the weekend.  i really hope he behaves himself as he will be tired and crazy, but it does give us a chance to move the beds and hopefully get mostly moved in. We are mostly there, but it is all the odd bits and pieces that need to find a home.  Anyway, must go as a little girl desparately needs mummy apparently.  Oh well....

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Minti

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I knew this week would be tough - moving, living in two houses, with two small chiildren, on my own, but we have a great day out planned for Friday and I thought that would keep me going.  However today we have hit bottom.  We are all exhausted and grumpy.  It is 11.30 and I am in my pjs and trying to get motivated to get moving and pack some more - it just all seems too hard.  i think we have done a lot and then I look at what is left.......  Maybe it is time for coffee and a choc biscuit - but I don't think that'll work miracles.  Must keep going...

The kids had their first bath in the new house.  Previously they have shared a largish baby bath in the bottom of the shower - they could not get over the room and splashed and dived - I got wet watching.  It is stressful moving and the dramas over the fire (can't get it going and it is very cold) and the hot water (have it at last!) haven't made it any easier.  But times like this make it worth it!

Well I've  managed to squeeze in a few Minti minutes between packing.  The lounge room is moved, the kitchen moved and half of the kid's room.  Currently the electrician is checking out the hot water system to see why it isn't working.  Then I'd love to say we'd be moved by the end of the week but as DH is away from tomorrow it doesn't seem likely.

Moving with small kids is fun (NOT!).  They have adjusted well and I think it is because they have had plenty of time to get used to the idea, we have asked their opinions on things and they have been there lots.  However the first night will be the challenge.  They are frustrated with mummy being busy and keep unpacking boxes as I pack them (not helpful!).  Then they busily unpack boxes at the other end and leave their contents all over the place.

The rain is back and is not helping with the moving process.  Plus the new house is very cold.  With cement floors and brick walls and big open rooms it gets very cold and I haven't worked out the knack for the new fire yet.  I have put down rugs and put up curtains and we are installing batts, but so far they haven't made much difference.  The good news is though that the bedrooms are carpeted and they are wool carpet - so that should be warm.

I just want it to be over - whatever you need it is always at the other house!  We are half here and half there - eating some meals at one and some at the other, then finishing the evening with dinner at the new house so we can go home to bed at the old house. Very frustrating!

UPDATE: the hot water system is not major - thankfully and should be on by the end of the day.

Crack open the bubbly - the house is ours!  If I write a bit funny its cause I already have.....

Started moving in - just done the kitchen and that has taken me a full day's work!!  Two trips in the car, a day of packing and unpacking and that is our smallest room done (and not 100%).  This is gonna take forever!

However I did have my niece staying which has been lovely - she is 12 and loves the kids.  So she has played with them and kept them busy while I have packed.  She is a gift to me at this time, so it has worked out well.  We are also her godparents and we agree to have her for a few days every school holiday, as does her other godmother.  This has been the longest stay yet at 5 days.  I think she enjoys it as she does not get on with her brother and it gives them a break from each other.  I have to keep reminding myself how old she is though as she looks about 15 and is only 12.

So, must to bed as the next few days will be tiring, packing etc.....  so Good night!

Handed over a big cheque today to the Solicitor, so that makes the house feel a lot more like ours.  Still a couple of days to go though...  It's very scary buying a house on one income and realising how tight everything is going to be - but worth it I guess.

After the party on Saturday I was talking to Mum and she was telling me how I spoil my children - putting so much time and effort into R's b'day party.  Not in a nasty way and I must admit I was thinking much the same thing too.

However I really wanted to give him a good, fun day with all his friends.  I wanted to do stuff myself rather than buy stuff - I was also trying to go for the old fashioned games and treats - and less junk.  I told her that so many people put so much money into their kids parties and everything is bought, themed and done by other people these days. 

She reminded me when I was about R's age (4) and we were living in the UK for about a year that one birthday party I went to involved  all the kids going for flights in a small passenger plane.  I guess times don't change after all - every one wants to be the best and most memorable.  It's hard to step away from that and just try and keep things simple and lovely.  Yet I am sure that's what is best for our kids in the long run.

I was reading something the other day about how our kids have more material possessions than any other generation - yet struggle with depression and dissatisfaction.  By giving them more I think we are actually limiting their characters and not giving them the strength they need to deal with the difficulties of this world. 

Yet I find it really hard not to equate loving them with giving them things - when in fact loving them should mean NOT giving them everything they want.  Now my struggle not to overspend is going to be trebled by buying a house - I guess I don't have any choice now!  So, the coming months will be a challenge - but I think that is a good thing.