Here are some photos from preschool. So funny! We had photo day - R turned up in a scowl. Refused to have his picture taken - absolutely refused! So we took the class one and one with his sister, then she tried unsuccessfully to take another! They were so bad the photographer came back yesterday to take some more - lovely lady! he was in a better mood so she got quite a nice one, but you should see the class photo - "not happy, Jan!":



So that is day number one - seems very dark, don't know why.... Hope this one comes out OK - R mark 2:

I read an article on Minti the other day about feeding - whether breast or bottle - and all the emotional issues it raises.  It struck me that everyone feels bombarded by medical advice and pushed by early childhood professionals that "breast is best".  This upsets a lot of people and can become unhelpful when for some reason you can't or don't want to.

My personal experience was almost opposite.  I struggled with feeding my first and finding the right advice - I saw multiple health professionals who all reached the conclusion that for various reasons I couldn't breast feed and should just give up.  They couldn't understand that I wanted to persist and express as long as I could in the hopes that one day we could do it - and we did eventually!

Since then I have heard from many in the older generation with their stories about birthing and feeding.  It made me realise that the official advice of professionals changes over time and what we are encouraged and taught now is opposite to that of 30 or more years ago.  I think we are now unlearning 30 years of parenting practices that removed all natural connections between parents and their children - and that is good!

So, yes there is a lot of pressure and it is upsetting for some people - but at least we are now leaning towards practices that actually bring mum & baby closer - rooming in, breastfeeding, demand feeding etc...  Gone are the days babies were taken from you at birth, washed, bottle fed and kept in the nursery.  We would now be horrified if our baby was fed expressed milk from another mum (well, many people would be) - yet they used to express, pool all the milk and feed all the babies exactly the same amount from a bottle!  Some mums only saw their baby at four hourly intervals for a feed and in the meantime you were expected to rest and recover from your birth.  What kind of relationship does that set you up for?

My mother told me she couldn't feed her eldest and was told after that, that she couldn't feed and given an injection to stop her milk - she was not even allowed to try!  Now we are encouraged to make choices and negotiate with staff - though there are still some areas they refuse to back down on  (that's another story - ask me about my VBAC!)

It also made me think that there are some areas where I think we still need to work at - where professionals have reduced friends of mine to tears for practices that are outside the norm - practices that may one day become normal - eg breastfeeding toddlers, co-sleeping etc....  So I really feel that whatever advice you get, listen to it and weigh up its benefits - does this feel right to me and is it helpful for our family (or will it cause more stress).  Ultimately that is all you can do - what works for you and for your family.  Trends may come and go but ultimately you need to feel right about the decisions you make and what impact they have on your children.

Well, C finished work on Friday for good - so we are in limbo.....  He has applied for an interesting job but all the checks and tests mean it could be months before it starts - if he gets it!  So, it makes it very hard to plan a future.

Last night we went out to the local cricket club trivia night in our hall - one of the few social events of the year we can walk to!  We sat at a table with some people we didn't know - and won!  The prize was a dinner out, so we will get to know them a bit better obviously!

Aside from the overall prize we did very well with prizes, which is somewhat unusual - a rose bush, some chocolate biscuits, some books and a box of fruit&veg.  One of the books was a biography of a sports hero - I'm not really into sport and the lady at the next table was drooling over it, so I gave it to her.  She came back to me with a voucher for a local cafe - $50 worth!  So, we might have a celebratory dinner to toast the future - thanks to her kindness.

On top of all that, it was just a lovely, fun evening with lots of laughter - thanks to the host, who has a very dry sense of humour.  It's lovely to be able to go out with the kids and know they are safe and you can enjoy the evening.  Still, i think we might get a babysitter for our group dinner out - it is at a local guest house done in art deco style, complete with Clarice Cliffs etc... - I'd be too scared they'd break something and I'd have to sell the house to pay for it!

Dr Royston at preschool (from the local paper) for science week:

We dropped R at preschool this morning (late as I was up all night) and then had a dr's appointment an hour later - not worth driving home and back so B & I went for coffee.  I've had coffee before with her in tow, but this is the first time we've "done" coffee together.  I got a slice to share and a chai & a baby cino.  She sat opposite me and spooned herself her froth.  When that was gone she picked up the little cup and sipped it - all the while chattering away (in her gibberish).  She was soooo cute.  She was very taken with how the little cup fitted into the saucer and kept placing it back and saying "Yay!" and clapping.  Then when the lady came to talk to her and clean up she was answering all the questions "Yes"  (all she can say just about).  It was just lovely.

This is a great age - 15-16months- I just love it.  i think this was the age when R and I started to really enjoy each other.  A shame it was not sooner - a real shame! 

He was a difficult pregnancy, emergency caesar, health issues, didn't sleep, couldn't feed etc.... and I am sure I had undiagnosed PND, which didn't help.  This age was when I started to see light at the end of the tunnel and really enjoy being Mum - if I had appropriate help it may have been sooner. I think too that the issues we had cemented him in my mind as a "difficult" child and it has taken me  while to work around that and see him as a "high needs" or challenging child, with his own rewards and blessings and worth every minute of effort.

I connected a lot earlier with B and have always felt a natural click, which sometimes I am aware means I need to put more effort in with R and make the connection ourselves.  With their Dad I think it is the other way around.  I wonder if gender has something to do with it.  Eilther way I love them both to pieces and couldn't live without them. 

Anyway, I should stop rambling and go and get some lunch.  Take Care!

I sat down today to watch the kids play in the yard and realised how much of an issue I have with stopping.  I always have to be doing something - whether cleaning, tidying, gardening, washing etc...  The house always looks like a bomb has hit it - always a mess, thanks to these two, so it is a thankless job. No matter how much you do there is always more and then you have to start all over again.  But if you give up it becomes a national disaster - so you keep moving, from one thing to the next - always on the go...
DH doesn't feel the same way - he comes home and plays with the kids, then sits and watches TV or plays on the computer.  I guess it is much more delineated for him.  I guess because that is my 'job' I feel I have to always do it.  But then aren't my kids my job?  I stay home for them, not the house or the garden.  So it is a struggle to find balance - and no matter what i do I am sure someone will find it wrong ("how can you sit and watch TV when the washing up needs doing?" etc...)  but i think I need to find a way to get it done and also find time to sit and play and watch and be OK with that!

OK should I be worried that people keep mistaking my daughter for a boy?  So I'm not an overly girly person - I don't wear pink and I don't wear dresses very often, but I do dress my daughter in girl's clothes.  Maybe she's not always in pink and certainly never in frills - but quite frankly, why would you when she gets so very filthy everyday?  She is an amazing grot machine - attracting dirt and food particles like some kind of reverse vaccuum cleaner.  Maybe as she gets older she will want to wear frilly dresses but for now they just interfere with her playing and I am happy for her be that way.  It won't be long before she will be telling me that what I am wearing is wrong, so, for now, I'm happy to keep it practical and dirt friendly. 

Well as you may recall our camera is busted!  so I have some photos for today courtesy of some friends - enjoy!  All were taken over the weekend so are pretty up to date.

Here is R at the camp fire on the weekend, toasting marshmallows:



Here is B fast asleep on a friend's chest (I was in bed sick all this time, so missed the fun!  but I am so impressed at her sleeping....)


And last of our 'children', poor Sala who was left at home on her own.  Luckily one of her friends dropped by to check on her for us and took this of her and her 'girlfriend' next door:

Well, I spent several days recovering from my illness, while DH insisted he was sick too - of course!  So, nothing much was done except to feed & clothe every body and watch TV.  Then I had to try and tidy up - not quite succeeded yet....  Rather hampered by B who has been clingy and whingy all week - if I step away from her she screams.  So, after another dr's trip she is now on antibiotics too.  It is very tiring when they are like that - particularly at night.  She is back to feeding multiple times a day and wants me to just sit and hold her - very frustrating!

Then to top it all off, R who has been healthy all week, went to preschool yesterday for photo day and refused to have his photo taken.  They had never seen one of his wobblies - "very unusual for him" they kept saying.  I'm not sure if she got any in the end as he absolutely refused.  He also took his "bubby" (blanket) with him for the first time ever.  I reluctantly left him there and apparently he was fine all day and cheered up.  But then this morning, he asked for a "vomit bucket" (very calmly) and then proceeded to use it.  He wondered why I wouldn't let him go to school and at lunch time was crying that he wanted to go to school.  Then at about 5.00 he fell asleep on the lounge and hasn't budged.

So it sort of feels like we haven't left the house all week  and as soon as one gets better another gets sick - grrrr....  R is meant to be going away for the weekend with his aunty and grandpa and now I don't know if he should go - but he will be SOOOO disappointed.

Feeling horrible so just touching in quickly.  Went away for the weekend and came down sick on Friday night with a very sore throat, fevers etc...  Went to the dr yesterday - have tonsilitus which is moving into my chest (which as I am an asthmatic is always a concern).  So from my point of view the weekend was not so good but the kids loved it.  I learned that they can survive without mum and their dad can look after them (they may not be fed as healthily as usual, but they are fed, clothed and cared for, what more can you ask?) - though it may take me a week to clean up the house, but anyway.....

It's funny how much of a difference your mood can make to life.

Yesterday I went to the doctor just to get a lump checked out (nothing serious but am having removed anyway).  There was an hour's wait in the waiting room.  No sweat.  I just had B with me and she wandered around chatting to the oldies in the waiting room - they loved her!  I got all sorts of wonderful comments from them about how lovely she is etc....  All fine.

Today, R didn't want to go to preschool and told me he is sick and needs to go to the "docka" so I booked him in.  We were late as the petrol station on the way couldn;t swipe my card for some reason.  So they told me the next person had gone in.  Fine.  One hour later when everyone else has come and gone (ahead of me) I finally go in. 

In the meantime we have seen several of R's friends in the waiting room and they have gone wild - running round, lots of noise, with B copying etc...  I kept telling them off as did another mum - and the receptionist.  The receptionist even came out and tried to bribe R with a lolly if he would be quiet and keep still.  After an hour of tutting from the staff, and other patients, my voice sore from remonstrating with them, I am just about in tears wondering how I could be such a failure as to have these wild children.

For the second time in a fortnight I drive home wired and upset as I feel people are judging me for my children.  I do my best - I am firm, I am involved but there are two of them and they egg each other on.  R tells me not to be upset as I am "not a bad parent" - he said "I am being a good kid now!"  

But it struck me that perhaps if I was not so tired and rushed and the staff at the doctors weren't stressed how much difference it makes to the whole experience.  So, I thought to myself if I can stay positive and maintain a sense of humour the world won't seem so bad.  But then that raises the question of why I take it all to heart and worry about it.  That's another thing to deal with another day....

Well, nothing much to write but I thought I would so you all knew I hadn't disappeared...

Just trying to keep on top of housework, finding spots for those last boxes, working on the garden and of course spending quality time with 2 very active children.

The last week has been beautiful weather - spring, almost summer - and it is lovely to see our first spring in this garden and see what is here!

R has been very boisterous and attention seeking, so been trying to give him lots of attention - then I read today how boys always seek approval and attention - sometimes forcefully!  So I know he is normal and just to be patient and give him what he needs (not always easy).