What is going on?  I know today is the first day of Autumn but we have had the fire lit the past few days.  We have used our winter jackets as much as our swimmers this summer.  We have been to the pool about 6-7 times over the whole summer - so much for taking them every day so they learn to swim.  Despite that I am so proud of R as our last trip to the pool for the summer, he went in the deep end without a floatie and was swimming from me to the wall and back again.  Well done mate!  He panicks a bit after a metre or so, but that is just practice and technique.  Anyway, thought I'd share something beautiful someone sent me:

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants we re poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.  Chewed on.  Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
 

Had to laugh - passed a sale yesterday on boy's shorts - between $4-5 each. So I bought some for next summer - for R, sizes 3-4 (he's 5 in June) and for B some neutral looking shorts (denim and blue flowers) sz 2-3 (she's 2 in May). Get home and R gets out the sz2 shorts - and puts them on. They fit perfectly. Better than any of his others. Meanwhile his sister (3 years younger) is wearing sz 1 pants and a sz 2 top. Funny that.

Then I take a closer look at their clothes and I wonder. Why are his shirts all loose and with normal sleeves? While hers show her tummy (even though they are biggish on her) and have little capped sleeves? His shorts all are knee length (if not more) - hers are at the top of her leg. His jeans are baggy (loose fit) - hers are tightly fitted to the knees then flair. And it's not because they are different shapes/sizes. So many of her clothes are impractical - her tummy and back are showing, the pants are designed to fit on her hips, so her nappy shows and her arms get burnt or cold. Are we telling our girls from toddler hood onwards that they must wear skimpier, less sensible clothes just because they are girls? Sorry for ranting but this is really irritating me now. Anyone else noticed this?

We had a quiet weekend.  Frdaiy night we had the annual picnic for preschool.  It was lovely and culminated in the lantern walk, where the kids walk around with real lanterns just on dusk.  Beautiful!  On Saturday R went out with his cousin for the day and the three remaining of us stayed hom quietly and rested.  Then yesterday we had planned, after church, to go to a reptile display about an hour away, only it turned out it was a range day for DH and we didn't go. Grrrr.

Anyway, the kids were feral at church - to the point I took them outside - twice!  So I didn't want to go anywhere with them on my own.  So home we stayed again.  Didn't want to spend my Sunday doing housework so we pottered around, doing a bit of gardening, playing etc....  Of course that means more housework for today, but it's neverending anyway......

Then today we went out.  We had McDonalds for brekkie and they played in the playground while I had a coffee and did some study.  B, who is toilet training, decided she needed to use the toilet, so I took her nappy off and chucked it before realising I had none with me at all.  You can see where this is going right?

So we finished playing and went to the butchers and the fruit shop, then drove home.  i had a heap to do in our local post office (cum everything shop), so I bought them a milkshake each and made them sit down. Fine until they finished their milkshakes and started running around.  Much telling off from me.  Then Boo sat down on the floor in the Post Office and started pulling her pants off - EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!  She had done the hugest poo in her clean pants, with no nappy and was starting to spread it everywhere.  By now I just want to crawl into a hole.

So next time someone wants to talk to me about the joys of parenting, can I just say "toilet training"??  If ever I think about having number 3, can someone please remind me - not of the labour or pregnancy, but toilet training.  Grrrr. I just want to disinfect everything now - including me!    So , off I go to another day at home with 2 feral kids - embarassed to show our faces anywhere, but disheartened by the disaster I call our house... 

One of those days where nothing special happened.  Pottered around this morning, getting up to date and organised.  Went to the library, the bank and the shops.  All great fun (NOT) and very tedious with 2 children - of course we picked the first hot day we've had in weeks and with all the disturbed nights they were tired and obnoxious.  After it all, R asked if we could go to the park.  So we did - we bought iceblocks (drama cause I bought the cheapest ones - not good enough mum!) and went to the park.  It really made the day and we were all happier and less stressed.  Why don't I think to do that more often?  Thanks R for suggesting it!

A couple of funnies from the last few days...

Had to laugh when B climbed on Daddy's lap and asked for "bibi" (booby) - he just smiled and said "I don't have any, go and ask Mummy", so she did.

Then I had to laugh when I told her I thought she didn't need it one day (trying to cut down on the number of feeds) and R told me off - he says "she's a toddler and toddlers need booby, Mummy"

Then today I busted her trying to give her baby (doll) a feed.  When I sat down, she asked for "bibi", so when I then offered her the breast, she holds her dolly up for a feed..... 

Friday turned out to be a good day - I got a heap of cleaning done and then we went to the park in the afternoon.  R was fine by lunch-time, with a lingering cough.  B has a really runny nose and a nasty cough - Friday night I was worried sick and convinced we would end up in hospital.  However some chest rub, a hot shower and some fluids seemed to help a lot. 

Yesterday we stayed home, except for R who went to a friends in teh afternoon.  It has been  nice to potter and clean up - especially outside after all the rain we've had.  I still have to work to do - still boxes to unpack 7 months on!  But I've been inspired by our lack of finances to do a clear out and list some stuff on ebay - not really sure it is worth it but gives me something to do.

It's frustrating and worrying - our finances are pretty limited at the moment and the bills are piling up. I didn't get the part time job I went for, so now I'm looking for ways to earn money from home.  It's funny how when things get hard I become very selfish and introverted - worrying a lot instead of thinking how much worse things could be and being positive.  Mind you it is hard when no solution is in sight.

However we had a really nice day today, to cheer everybody up.  We went to a different chuch, with more (ie some) families and went to lunch with them afterwards.  The kids played together for a long time and we came home and had rests.  Very civilised!  Still very tired and would do anything for one good night of unbroken sleep, but feeling happier and more positive.

I am not the most organised of people at the moment - always late and forgetting something.  Today I was organised.  I was to drop R at preschool, then go to KYB.  I had even done my "home work".  I had coffee & Chocolate to give people. I was going to go to the chemist (had remembered my script for asthma medication at last!), then drop B at a friend's house so i could do "parent help" at preschool without chasing her all the time.  I had packed three lunches and morning teas, was up early so B & I were dressed (not a bad achievement on only a few hours sleep) and everything was looking good for us to be on time for once.  Then, "Mum, I'm sick - you don't go to school when you're sick!".  Part of me is relieved as I am very tired and part of me wants to scream, "But I was organised!"

Pulled this from the ABA's magazine, Essence January 2008.  It made me smile and I hope it will make you smile too and wonder how much has changed??:

Here are some photos - taken with my phone and emailed from my phone to the computer - amazing huh! New phone and yet I can't use USB even tho' I have it as the software is not Mac compatible - grrr..... frustrating!! Anyway:

Yesterday I took the 2 kids to the shops - we were tired and cranky, so after one shop I bought us all a pizza - cheapest way to feed 3 people. I thought there'd be soem left over to take home until:

poor Dad - missed out! oh well, and here is R looking soooo bored because his sister is taking too long to eat her HUGE pizza:

And here after much arguing - "I don't want to be in the same picture, mum" - are the 2 of them together!:

and, yes, that is texta on B's face....

Well, B slept a bit better last night - still went to bed late, but I took her to my bed and she slept all night.  In fact I woke up this morning and DH was gone (work) and both R&B were lying across the bed with their heads on me.  I just wish I could remember how to sleep. Hours last night I lay in bed willing myself to sleep to no avail - no idea why....

Yes she is beautiful, yes she is an angel, yes she is gorgeous (so i get told many times a day by everyone we meet).  She is bright, overall happy, full of energy and advanced for her age.  I love her dearly, but i feel like I would happily hand her on to someone else at times at the moment!

She is at the stage of still needing day sleeps, but if she has them she won't go to bed at night - which is frustrating.  Still I have managed it for a while - put him to bed and sit up watching tv with her.  A few nights ago she was absolutely crazy - she was literally bouncing off the walls, headbutting things, biting me - all with a big grin on her face - and she didn't sleep until midnight.  Then to top it off, she woke at 4.30 raring to go! AAGH!

So, my first thought was diet - no more sugar, lollies, chocolate etc...  So far so good, but she is still staying up late, then waking early.  Most times I can get her back to sleep so she is not feral all day, but I'm missing sleep as I then have to get up when her brother does.  Last night she was awake from 2.30-4.30.  I was exhausted to start with so now I feel like death warmed up.  My coffee is keeping me going - but I can't have too much of it - not only does it make me get the shakes if I have more than a couple of cups, but as she is still breastfed, I could be setting myself up for more disaster.

That's another thing.  I am a strong believer in child-led weaning and her brother self weaned at her age.  She shows no loss of interest.  She still feeds to sleep and will ask for "beebee" every time something upsets her.  Over night she is feeding for hours at a time as I don't want to refuse in case that is what helps her get to sleep at last.  However I can't sleep and feed as I used to as her alternate hand roams my chest, touching me and wrapping my shirt around her hand.  Very offputting.

I decided last week I would not do anything until she is 2 in May, but I am starting to despair - and my nipples are so sore!  Ideas anyone????  Sorry for ranting, but had to get it off my chest.

Well with what spare time I have being mum of 2 gorgeous but full-on kids (mmmm) I love to read - largely fiction - mysteries, crime and fantasy - often older children books and I love Terry Pratchett (OK geek material I know). 

I also love anything creative - used to embroider and draw, prechildren, now it is largely encouraging them to make craft (though I want to do it my way and R wants to do it his so we end up doing different things).  I still write and am trying to complete a writing course - when I can...

The kids and I love the pool and we go as often as we can afford it.

I also love shopping. I never have any money, but I love wandering the shops - both new and second hand - and ebay, dstore etc...  So, I am now admitting my addiction and as part of no spend month I am not going near any shops. (No spend February means you just buy essentials for one month to catch up bills, pay off credit card etc...)

My other addiction is my garden.  However as this also often involves spending money (at the nursery where we are on first name basis) this is curbed at the moment.  So I am trying to design and do more structural work than putting in new plants.  I am also reading up on permaculture and trying to envision it working in my garden.

The one other thing I do to relax is to organise things.  i love turning out a cupboard and clearing and re-sorting it.  Even though my house is largely a mess there are pockets of good organisation and things are constantly being re-worked until they work.  I often used to move furniture when my husband was at work - now I just rearrange cupboards.  Oh well....  Weird huh...

That's me I think - I'll probably think of something else later, but for now adios!