Sixteen years of marriage - where did it go?  Sixteen years ago we were young and in love, keen to be married and make a life together and wondering what the future held. 

Sixteen years later we are older, rounder, have two kids, a dog and a house - and are still in love and still wondering what the future might hold.

I read this article today and it made for thoughtful reading, light hearted as it is - what is marriage all about?:

"Imagine if marriage were like a passport or a driver’s license; every five or 10 years, you have to fill in paperwork to renew it, or you can choose to walk away, no questions asked...  “Marriages wouldn’t slide into such a state of disrepair if you had to recommit to them once a decade,” said a friend"

Would they?  Would you re-commit? or if it was so easy would you walk away?  Is that better than a mediocre marriage, she asks?:

"Marriages, as I see it, are like underpants. Does it matter if they grow comfy, grey and a bit saggy around the crotch? Or should they remain frivolous, jaunty, urgent – more Victoria’s Secret than tummy-concealing Bonds?"

Well, to my mind, I  like the idea of re-assessing every five years but I don't like the idea of either stay happily or leave easily - I, for one, will go on record saying that if we had done that at certain times of our marriage we wouldn't be here now.  But, because, for me, I didn't want to settle for a mediocre relationship or call it quits, we have worked on it and got help and given ourselves better tools for marriage.  I have at times felt like we were strangers, that we barely knew each other, barely talked and I wondered why we kept going - sometimes life and stress, and, yes, even, having children can do that to you.  Yet I knew that I had married a good man, a good friend - and that we had loved each other once - surely that could be rekindled.  And, yes, it can! 

Now I think we understand ourselves and each other better - and our families - and we can still laugh together, enjoy each others company and be 'in love'. I won't say it gets easier or that we don't drive each other nuts at times, but I think your connection grows stronger and more real (sometimes through hardships or rough patches) and you love each other more and perhaps even more deeply.  Now, I can't imagine living life without him - and, if I can say so, that is a great thing for our kids!

One last word from the article: "I’m sorry, but all this “settling for” and “good enough” is annoying the pants off me (often Bonds but never saggy). Eleven years in, of course it’s not all spice, but I don’t want a bland, mashed-potato marriage. ... Marriage doesn’t come with a manual, so we have to learn on the job. What if we gave it the attention we give to our careers? What relationship wouldn’t benefit from some upskilling and brainstorming? Marriage may have gone through a modern mauling, but how much more care would we take if we knew it was something we had to renew?"

What are your thoughts??

I promised R I would take him to this when we first heard of it back in November.  I am glad I booked it weeks ago - it is selling out - and it meant the costs were spread (great as DH's work has been very inconsistent).  The four of us managed to go together - which is exciting in itself as we haven't been able to do much as a family thanks to DH's work - and we took my sil and my niece too. It was well worth it.

We had to get up early to catch a train (Bella's first) and get to Sydney.  We were all tired and I was  worried we'd be grumpy - but my cheerful sil kept the kids happy and DH & I had a snooze on the train - thanks Michelle!!

We queued up - and then queued up and then queued again....  Then we walked through the curtain into a small gallery with the sorting hat - she selected three volunteers who were 'sorted' and then we moved into another gallery.  Here they had TV screens with footage from the movies and then, they changed like windows on a train and we moved into the next gallery - where the Hogwarts Express was.  It was dark and foggy and the staff pretended to be teachers telling us to move into the Great Hall for dinner...  I tell you I had shivers up my spine and felt so excited.  It was great!

Then we moved into the main gallery - with portraits on the wall, including the fat lady - and some were moving.  We reached a stand still here as it was crowded and we couldn;t move on.  I was exhorting R to be patient and wait for them to move on when I realised that the next group were coming up behind us and we would be inundated again.  So, I started getting pushy :(  which R hated as he won't push into a crowd - he would rather stand back and wait.

Still, most people moved around fairly quickly and we got a good look at everything (eventually) - some people were obviously huge fans and others had hardly read a book or seen a movie.  R & I talked a lot about teh different things we saw - as we have shared our love of the books and movies together - while Michelle and the girls moved around separately (and more quickly).

There were outfits, wands, books, props, furniture, centaurs, Hagrid's hut, a dementor, Buckbeak, a large spider, chess pieces etc....  It was very cool, but in some ways too much to take in and certainly too crowded.  The gift shop had me almost claustrophobic - it was crowded so you couldn't move and could easily lose the kids.  We grabbed the cheapest thing ($5 for a chocolate frog) and left, so I missed some of teh great things they had, but have since discovered that you can buy most things online for a fraction of the price ;)

R wants to do it again - and it would be good as I think you would take more in second time around - or even do the overnight tour (the atmosphere would be amazing - even frightening) - but at the cost of it, that won't happen!!

We then had our packed lunch in the members lounge (thanks to our rural membership we bought for Christmas) and then wandered around the Powerhouse museum for a few hours before heading home.  The powerhouse museum is well worth a trip too - and again had too much to take in.  That we certainly will do again (especially as we get in free!).  Their gift shop had some really cool stuff and we bought R a robot kit (with his christmas money) and a book on the constellations for 2012 (to go with the telescope R got for Christmas) - which were reasonably priced.

To top off a super busy day, DH & I went out for a dinner to a little asian restaurant to celebrate our wedding anniversary (16 years).  It was lovely.  Now we are home - and recovering - but we really enjoyed just a couple of days away as a family doing fun things.  It is so important to do and yet for us has been sadly lacking - now we really feel like we've had a holiday!

I've just had a week away with the kids - I won't call it a holiday.  We went and stayed with the in-laws, and during teh mornings went to a christian conference (with a kids program) and spent the afternoons with family and friends catching up.  Sadly DH couldn't join us as his work has been very intermittent - a week's work in a fortnight - so he stayed home in hopes of getting work. 

Every year I hesitate about going and then think 'why did I  book? I don't really want to go'  and then every year I really enjoy it and find it refreshing.  I think it is great to get some spiritual refreshment at the beginning of january - to reset for the year to come.  It is also good to get away from the house and even technology and just be with friends and family.  The kids loved spending time with their cousins every day - they get on brilliantly but rarely see each other (three hour drive away) and I felt like I know  them better and appreciate them more.

We came back Saturday evening - as I missed DH too much ;) - and we actually went to church as a family yesterday - very unusual ;).  We discovered there have been some big things happening while I was away - some good, some bad - and then found out that Sunday morning my sil wrote off her car with the kids in teh back, but - very fortunately - they are all well, and, hopefully home (were taken to hospital for tests).  I am thankful they got off so lightly and also thankful we managed all our travels without a problem.

We have two weeks left before school goes back - I can't believe it's gone so quickly!  Then my baby starts school.

I can't believe it's been three months since I was here last!  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are looking forward to 2012 and all it will bring.

I have been very busy - I took an extra cleaning job on in October (and then had to give it up about a month later as it was getting too much) and juggling studying (about half way through Certificate IV in Breastfeeding Education (counselling)) and various volunteer commitments, being an involved mum (with school and preschool) and work. 

Next year I am starting TAFE full-time doing a Certificate III in Children’s Services, with a view to then completing the diploma and working in early childhood education.  So, busy, again - and a bit nervous!

In October, I had my twenty year school reunion (is it really 20 years??) and the whole family travelled to Sydney for the day enjoying old haunts – Sydney Uni, where I studied, and the Rocks, where hubby grew up.  He and the kids enjoyed a tour of Carriageworks (where his brother works) while I enjoyed lunch with old school friends.  A lovely day and I was glad I went, so thank you  all for your encouraging words.

R has just finished Year Two.  He is increasingly happier at school and got a great report at the end of the year, as well as an award for overall High Achievement (he is very bright).  He has a close-knit group of friends and loves playing all kinds of imaginary games with them – as well as reading, drawing and being generally active.  He has finally mastered riding a bike and is enjoying the opportunities to ride around here.  His Christmas presents included Lego, Meccano, science books, a book on building robots (which he has been poring over), a metal detector, a scooter and a telescope – so you can imagine his interests ;)

B continues to tackle everything with great enthusiasm – usually in a fantastic and accessorised outfit.  She just finished preschool – which was very sad for us as it has been a fantastic preschool (for both our children) and at the end of January 2012 she starts ‘big school’.  She will go to the same school as her brother (our local, small country school – 32 students), but will be in a different class (thankfully!).  We have no qualms about her settling in there and making friends – in fact she will probably take the place by storm ;)

B did her first ballet recital in November – and loved being on stage.  We were all very impressed at her self control and discipline and how well she performed.  She did three numbers – a jazz, tap and ballet item (all with different changes of costume) and she loved the chance to wear make-up.  She wants to do it again next year!

We had a lovely Christmas with a day with each side of the family, lots of presents, lovely food and great fun.  The kids especially were taken with their new cousin - who, at three months old stole the show ;)  Now we come back to earth - try and tidy the house and put away all these presents and keep these guys busy for five weeks with no school....