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17
Mar
2008

Sad news :(

Comment Published at 22:0322:0346 comments46 comments123 Visits123 VisitsReport

I was hoping I’d be coming in here soon to share good news with you all, announcing my pregnancy. But heartbreakingly, my pregnancy is over.

I had a weird feeling from the start about it, with the late BFP (positive preg test), no symptons etc. But you know, I was thinking positive and telling myself it was all going to be fine.

Yesterday morning when it all started happening, it was just heartbreaking. It hit me so hard. Poor Isabella couldn’t understand why I was so upset, it broke my heart seeing her so worried and going up to Michael, saying "Mummy cwy-ing".

Its been a lot different to the last little angel baby we lost. This time it seems I’m having a complete miscarriage rather than a missed miscarriage. My body isn’t holding onto it this time, so I won’t be needing a d&c at this stage. But then again, its more graphic I guess this way. It isn’t easy, either way.

I didn’t end up having to go to hospital yesterday morning, thank God. (The emergency procedure at the hospital last time was such an awful experience, it really prolonged it.) Yesterday I had a scan, followed by a blood test, then spoke to my Dr on the phone this afternoon. She confirmed my hCG had dropped since my b/t last week & there was no sac.

I rang my Mum to tell her what had happened. So nice of her to say "better it happen now than later" and considerately reminded me of a family friend who’d lost a child at a day old and that they’ve never gotten over that. She then asked me if I’d seen the new photos of my cousin’s baby girl and started raving on again about her and her partner’s new job. Such a heartfelt person my Mum.

Thank God I am not like my MUM!!!

I rang and told Dad last night. He was completely different, in tears on & off, and I’m sure he shed a few more when he got off the phone.

Emotions ran high between Michael and I yesterday, and we said things that upset each other, but otherwise we are helping each other get through this.

Isabella, my little shining ray of light... Oh I feel even more fortunate now to have such a beautiful little princess in our lives. She truly has lifted me through this.

I just can’t believe it, its all extremely gutrenching, yet very surreal. On Sunday I was pregnant, today I’m not. :(

May our two little baby angels be holding hands in heaven, watching over us.

Ky *;-)

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Comments

ellamia
May 2008 | ellamia
Re: Sad news :(

Im sorry you had to go through this loss again. I wish i could do something to help. I am praying and hoping this never happens again or you have to go through this emotion again. I hope hubby and daughter are supporting you as much as they can.

Love Kell



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katierose
5.00 (Excellent) | April 2008 | katierose
Re: Sad news :(

I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing a loss again! I can only offer my heartfelt support and wish that you didn't have to go through this again.It is especialy hard when you turn to those that you expect support from only to have your feelings jumped all over. I hope that you and your husband and beautiful daughter get through this difficult time with the support of each other.

Best wishes Michele



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Arna
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Arna
Re: Sad news :(

Oh hun,

I had no idea.  I am truly sorry.  Sometimes life isn't fair!  And I'm saying that at the moment too, but I know that I am truly blessed.  you will have another baby one day, soon, just please don't let this all get to you.  Wish I could wave that magic wand for you, but it seems to be broken at the moment.

Big hugs to you and your family.  I am thinking of you.



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks Arna. I understand you saying try not to let this all get to me, as I could really let that happen after this happening again. It will be easier for me to start thinking positive again once I get through the grieving process again, well I hope so. Thanks so much for your thoughts, Ky xo



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emmie
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | emmie
Re: Sad news :(

oh kylie ,

Im so sorry this has happened to you its so not fair you have really been having a rough ride lately. Sorry your mum is being so unsupportive not what you needed . I have no idea how it feels to go through what u r right now but u must be totally heartbroken .

Thinking of you

Luv Emz xxx



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Emz, thanks so much for thinking of me. You don't have to know what its like, just knowing I have your support means a lot. I was having a rough ride but things had been coming good the past month, with finding my Dad, working through a rough patch with Michael, getting a new dog.. Then all of a sudden something awful happens, just when I thought things were coming right. I hope this isn't the start of another bad run. Thanks again Emz, Ky xo



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nell18-3
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | nell18-3
Re: Sad news :(

I am so sorry you are going through this

Especially sorry that your Mum can't be the Mum you need right now !!!!!

I had a missed miscarriage years ago at 19 weeks pregnant so can empathise with what you are going through but understand you are probably feeling prettty alone and wretched right now. Remember we are here for you if you need us

xxx

 



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      KyAquarius
March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Nell, thanks for thinking of me and empathising with how I feel. Yes I do remember you telling me you have been through this yourself, we probably all handle it a little differently but generally understand how we all feel when we go through this. I do appreciate your support and being here for me. Thanks again Nell, Ky xo



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llmunchkin
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | llmunchkin
Re: Sad news :(

Hey Ky I'm sorry for your loss, and I know how devastated you must be feeling, you have had a rough few months. Sorry about your mum being so insensitive to your feelings, it just goes to show that listening and feeling empathy are not natural motherly instincts; they are a skill.

Take care of you my lovely friend, and I will try to catch up with you when I get back from NZ xox



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Lui, thanks so much matey. Well this year had got off to a much better start with passing my course, finding Dad, getting a new dog, Michael and I worked through our rough patch etc. So I finally started having a good run and I'd just written a blog a few days before this one saying how everything is going well now! And falling pregnant was the icing on the cake... and then this happens. I hope it isn't a start of another bad run!! I've had enough of those! No motherly instincts don't come naturally to everyone, but I do believe they have kicked in for you, me and lot of our wonderful women I know IRL and here.

Enjoy yourself in NZ, thanks again for your support matey, Ky xo



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           llmunchkin
5.00 (Excellent) | April 2008 | llmunchkin
Re: Sad news :(

Hey Ky

I hope you are starting to feel a little more like your old self.  There are many more months left in this year, and I will still be waiting and hoping to hear about the icing on your cake xox



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ManicFemme
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | ManicFemme
Re: Sad news :(

Hello Ky,

I hope you don't mind me commenting because we've never had minti dealings before, but I was ver saddened to read your terrible news and wanted to offer my sympathies to you, Michael and Isabella.

I can understnad the feelings you must be experiencing right now, unfortuately I had a miscarriage myself when I was 19.

I wish you all thebest for the future.

Sincerely,

Chantel xox



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Chantel, experiences like these can bring strangers together. I thank-you for your comments & support, they are most welcome and appreciated. I'm sorry to hear you've also experienced a miscarriage, they are so heartbreaking. Ky xo



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allyp
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | allyp
Re: Sad news :(

I am really sorry..
I am also sorry that your mum is like that, especially at a time of what you're going through.

I honestly have no idea what you're going through but I am sending my prayers to you.
I hope you and Michael get through this (as I am sure it's going to be tough)
My thoughts will be with you and my heart goes out to you.
*hugs* to you and your family.



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks for your support Ally. Not everyone has gone through this and knows what its like, but just knowing you are thinking of me and that you care means a lot. We will get through this. Thanks again, Ky xo



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julielf
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | julielf
Re: Sad news :(

Oh sweetie I am so sorry.  I really do believe that they are being looked after in heaven! 

You are very blessed to have your little Isabella so that is something to be thankful for in your time of terrible grief and loss.  I am thinking about you and your family.



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you for your kind words Julie. Isabella sure has lifted me through this. Ky xo



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August88
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | August88
Re: Sad news :(

Very sorry to hear of your loss. I am speachless but am thinking of your family at this time. Take care, Lynette xx



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Lynette, thank-you for thinking of me. Its not an easy thing to go through. Ky xo



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cassaustin
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | cassaustin
Re: Sad news :(

I'm really sorry for your loss Ky. It is so difficult to deal with the loss of a child. At any stage.

Sending you all my love and great big hugs.

Cass xox



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks for your love and hugs Cass, much appreciated. Ky xo



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Libby24
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Libby24
Re: Sad news :(

Hugs sweety. i know how much you wanted this. my heart goes out to you.

Love Liz



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Liz, thanks so much. Yes I so wanted another healthy baby this time... Its really hard losing another one during pregnancy. Thank-you for your support, Ky xo



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kseers
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | kseers
Re: Sad news :(

I'm so sorry for you - it is heartbreaking.  Give yourself a chance to grieve - and plenty of time - it is a huge loss, no matter how early.  You grieve all the dreams and future you pictured with that baby right from the first pregnancy test.  I've been there too, and people can be so insenstitive.  Just be gentle on yourself and your family and give yourself time.   Sorry! 



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you K, it sure is heartbreaking. I don't know if I'm dealing with it better or worse than the first time, but I'm trying to let myself grieve and release the emotion as much as I can. Thank-you for thinking of me, Ky xo



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alishas-mummy
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: Sad news :(

i am so sorry for your loss... my condolences go out to you and your husband...

i know that it's painful for you, but i'm sure with the support of your family you guys will pull through... all of us here on Minti hope you do and know you will :)

we are all thinking of you and your little family, you are definitely all in our prayers *hugs*

if you need a shoulder to cry on, we're all here.. and will continue to be here for you always...

Love Thuy xox



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you for your condolences Thuy. Everyone here on Minti is wonderful and supportive, it means a lot to know you're all here for me. Most of my friends and family I've spoken to about it have been supportive of me too. Thanks again, Ky xo



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Domestic-warrior
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Domestic-warrior
Re: Sad news :(

Really sorry to hear your sad news :(  don't know what to say to you except they do say there is a reason for miscarriages,

i guess the universe had other plans for that little soul.



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks for thinking of me Julie. There always is a reason for this to happen, but sadly in a lot of cases, including mine, that don't find out why. :( There isn't much you can say except offering your support, which you have done and I'm so appreciative of you being here for me. Thank-you, Ky xo



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           Domestic-warrior
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Domestic-warrior
Re: Sad news :(

Sorry you didn't get to find out why, but i hope you get to try again and have a successful pregnancy next time.    I know we don't know each other very well but you do have my support, from one ex-pat to another! 

Happy easter Ky,

Julie x



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janicepovey
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | janicepovey
Re: Sad news :(

My heart breaks for you sweetie reading this.....my thoughts & prayers are with you at this time. I'm also sorry to hear that your Mother was not more understanding, but it sounds like your dad was with you every step of the way, i'm so glad you found him.

The right words are always hard to fine, at times like this.....just know i'm here if you just need to talk.

Sending hugs & Love Janice also a angel to watch over your baby angelsMySpace and Orkut Angel Glitter Graphic - 7

 



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Hi Janice, thank-you for including me in your thoughts and prayers. That's what great support is, being there to listen to someone in their time of need, which you have done and I thank-you sincerely. The angel is beautiful thank-you. May this Angel Baby be reasting peacefully alongside my other Angel Baby. Thanks Janice, Ky xo



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robalman
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | robalman
Re: Sad news :(

God Bless and may you find strength within minti and your dearest friends.

Nothing compares to the loss of a child at any time in your life.

I thought the lord took my son away from me and lost faith but in the end I forgave the situation but I will never forget nor do I hope that I ever will.

I have some spare tears I am sending your way.

Thinking of you in your time of need.

Robert XO



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you Robert, for your tears and thoughts. I don't think you ever will forget, nor anyone who has lost a child/baby. It is such a heartbreaking loss. Thank-you, Ky xo



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hermy
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | hermy
Re: Sad news :(

i am here for you beautiful lady..........any time you need me.......with all my luv Sandra xxx



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Sandra you are always here for me, thank-you, and you are such a beautiful person yourself. I'm truly glad I know you and am priviledged to call you a friend. Your support means a lot to me, I will chat to you soon. Ky xo



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cazza
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | cazza
Re: Sad news :(

Hi ky....


     

xxxx



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you Cazza, you're a darlin. I do find comfort in know others care and are here for me. Thanks for your support, Ky xo



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Frogie
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Frogie
Re: Sad news :(

Sorry to hear of your loss....

Mothers, they can be such dears at times..... when i was misscarring my baby, i rang her to come and take me to the hospital. or at lease watch my children so i could take myself. anyway she sent my dad to sit with us all while she finished at the local markets.....

Chin up sweetie.... all our baby angels are together.... smiling down on us....

xxx

 



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks so much for thinking of me Frogie. Our Mums... oh dear. I do believe I am different to mine, thankfully. Yes our angel babies are watching over us in everything we do... Still it is so hard to have had to say good-bye to them so soon. Thanks again, Ky xo



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natelz1
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | natelz1
Re: Sad news :(

oh ky, im so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this again.its not fair. im sending lots of positive vibes and prayers hun, thinking of you,  xxxx 



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thank-you Nat for your prayers and positive vibes. It was so hard to believe that it was happening all over again...  Thanks for thinking of me, Ky xo



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ph419always
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | ph419always
Re: Sad news :(

I feel for you so much! I can't begin to imagine what it's like to lose a pregnancy and the very thought shakes me to the core of my being. I have no other words to say to try and give consolation, as whatever I think of seems only like empty words that can give no real help, except to say that I pray that you be surounded by loving and compassionate people during this time who will just be there for you and your family.



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toosh
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | toosh
Re: Sad news :(

Oh Ky, I am so sorry that you have to go through this again! Shame on your mother for being so insensitive too! I hope you and Michael can get through this together, I can only imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Teshia xxoo



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      KyAquarius
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | KyAquarius
Re: Sad news :(

Thanks Teshia, I appreciate your thoughts & prayers. Michael copes different to me (as men do) but he is here and we're doing the best to get through it together. Thanks again, Ky xo



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FremantleDocker
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | FremantleDocker
Re: Sad news :(

OMG im so sorry to hear this. I don't know what you're going through as i've never lost a baby before, but i bet it's very hard. I am greiving for you and your loss. I'm very sorry that this has happened. My thoughts will always be with you.



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