Hi everyone,

I have not been online much at all this past week.

I start work October 1st 2007. Daniel will be 9 days shy of 11 months old when I start.

Last week was very hard for me.

Daniel and I were seperated for the first time (for an extended period of time) ever on Monday. He was in Day Care. Day Care started the 17th and will be three days a week.

Both he and I shed tears. He when he realised that he was staying and I wasn't. Me in the car outside the Day Care home and at home alone. My partner I think really didn't understand how bad I felt as a Mum. He is usually not with Daniel during the day so he has not felt the same connection. Plus when he goes to work, his son was left with his Mum and therefore he had nothing to worry about.

By Thursday morning, I was emotionally and physically exhausted and trying to recover. I had been upset and stressed.

During the three days in Day Care Daniel refused to eat and drink the first day, refused food the second and on the third only took a mouthful of food and had his drink.

Each day I rushed there at 4pm (yes 1 hour early) to pick him up and take him home and feed him. The Carer did not call me the first day to tell me what was happening and I was naturally upset that she had not called. It has hampered my trust in her and I have made that clear to my partner. Her lack of calling me, did make me worry about the following days and if she would call me regarding any questions/concerns.

By the third day, he and I were really tired, both not sleeping well at night. I wanted to cancel the whole idea. It was too hard to deal with and he is still so young. I felt I am being forced to go back to work by my career path and by my partner who saids that my income is essential to family happiness. I felt like crying most of Wednesday. I cleaned house the three days and tried to keep busy...which I did as I got stuck into so many tasks that had been far too time consuming while Daniel was home to try and do and not finish within 30 minutes.

Wednesday I collected Daniel at 4pm, he had been cuddled by the Carer and seemed happier than at the same time previous days. He brightened up even more when he saw me and smiled and reached for me. My heart melted and I was so happy that he was happy. He had had a good day in Day Care and is getting to know his Carer. But the way he acted when he saw me was so wonderful and so loving! It felt soooooo good to have him in my arms!!

Being separated from my boy I think is the hardest experience I have ever faced (so far) as a parent.

The days I do get to spend with him alone, I think I will pack more "Fun", "Cuddles", "Play" and "Love" into!

A photo display of Daniel, Mum and Dad.