This week has been tough.

Monday - far from being a special time to spend with my partner, it was one in which I wanted to sleep and "shut down". I was very stressed about Daniel being in Day Care. Also I felt, as if all day my partner was being so critical of me and his housework related comments did hurt. I don't seem to get praise from him about anything lately and yes it's all just "expected" of me that the housework is done etc.

I was very quiet all day, I did not feel like talking to my partner. My head pounded from a headache. I felt very alone all day in my worry about Daniel, until I had my baby boy back in my arms where he belongs. My partner spent a few hours in the garden and did tidy up "Daniel's garden" and plant a few plants into pots while I slept. We hope they will grow and someday some can be moved around to the front door area and dress it up a bit. Sadly not even getting plants really cheered me up. And I really usually like pants and would have got excited about plant shopping. Daniel did not eat for the Carer. Once home he ate his lunch and dinner and then was so exhausted that he fell asleep in my arms at 6.15pm.

Tuesday- Daniel was very quiet in care and clinging to the Carer. He refused to eat. Once home again he ate all his lunch and dinner and was happy and smiling. It's eating me up inside being away from him and him not eating while in Day Care.

On Wednesday morning the Carer stated that she thought Daniel looked ill as I dropped him off to her. He had not slept well over night and needless to say neither had I. I was tired and emotional. Daniel was not unwell. He cried in the car on the trip to the Carers. He brightened a little when the Carer cuddled him. I sat in the car outside and felt horrid. I felt that he would never adjust and was I doing the right thing? I felt pressured by my partner to be in paid work. My anger and depression was growing.

Right then and there I wanted to go back to the Carer and get him and tell my partner where "this job" can go. Ok this is not just any job, this is a dream role and would be all that I want.... *sigh*

Instead I drove a short way into The Glen shopping centre (I had to get cash to pay the Carer). Once there I tried calling my partner and told him my worry, he said we'd talk about it that night. I felt no better. I paced inside the shops and then as my anxiety rose I called my Mum and Dad who calmly listened to what I had to say. My Mum was very understanding and clamed me down, which was rather surprising but rather wonderful at the same time! 

She agreed that I have to do what is best for Daniel and for me. She also reminded me of our very precious (not likely to be more children) he is and still so very young baby boy. She wished she and my Dad were younger so they could take him.... I wished they were too. Daniel adores my parents and eats, drinks etc for them without any problems. I told them how David floated the idea of going back to England so his Mum could look after Daniel. I also wished David's Mum was close by. But that is not the case... Moving to the UK just isn't an option as David would not find a role there that pays as well as he gets at present. He said so himself.

My Mum sent my Dad over to visit me at home and we went to the shops and talked and talked. We got some nice clothes for Daniel and I felt better as we explored and shopped and talked. My Dad encouraged me to give Daniel more time to adjust and perhaps look into not taking on such a "high powered role" but instead just work nights or weekends so Daniel can be with his Dad. I agreed with that as a great option. After all, Daniel comes first now, not my career!

I then decided to call my new boss and confide. She agreed to let me start as late as 10am the three days a week and is understanding re my concerns about Daniel. I felt so much better after talking to her! She invited me and Daniel to lunch 1pm Friday and we happily agreed. I do enjoy showing off my little man. *happy smile*

Thursday - House keeping, unexpected visit from my Minister Sharon and her grand daughter Jess and then a planned visit from my parents. My Mum later took me shopping and she really spoilt me and Daniel. I was so moved I couldn't help but be amazed and delighted and so happy. My parents have really been so supportive and so loving of both me and naturally there only grandson Daniel. They do not want us to move away and I reassured them that it is not an option in any case.

On Thursday, Daniel stayed home with me, he acted like my little man, happy, laughing, playing and crawling! He ate heaps and even accepted snacks! He was cuddled by both my Mum and Dad and even slept for one hour in the afternoon.... *smiles*   So I'm tired again, but from good reasons...

The Day Care thing I'll try longer... I really want what is best for Daniel, what is best for the family income and for me. I'm not going to listen to any negative comments made by people regarding Day Care and my working. I will just try a bit longer and see how it goes. On the plus side Daniel gets much needed interaction from other little children and I think his confidence and exposure to new experiences will grow rapidly. The Carer does many games and outings with the children. *smiles*

I just want my little man to eat, sleep and be happier in Day Care.