I haven't been on here much lately.  We were going through a busy time.  There was preschool graduation, gardening, some home repairs, in-law problems and early summer gatherings that have kept me tied up.  This gets me thinking of how we rotate through cycles in our life.  Now that I have small children these cycles are much more noticable.  We have the standard cycles of our childrens lives.  There is pregnancy, newborn, crawling, walking, talking, potty training and so on.  Us parents have our own stages too.  There are the stages that involve our children.  We also have times of finacial strain (more so then others), ups and downs in marriage, our health, careers and so on.

It is funny how we wish away the current stages of our lives in seeking those "wonderful" next steps.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  The thing is that we always end up looking back and seeing that we miss something.  Sometimes it is the family vacations of our youth, a high school friend, a relative that has passed away.  There is always something to look forward to and always something that we will miss from our past.  There is also the need to enjoy the moment that we are in.

There is a country song by Trace Adkins called "You're Gonna Miss This".  I know many are not fans of country music but this is a song worth listening to.  It actually made me cry one day.  I had heard it several times but one day I was driving down the road in my car alone and I really listened to the words.  It is so true.

Anyway, I hope everyone has been well.   I hope to have more time to check in over the next few weekes then I have in the past few.

When I picked Kevin up from preschool yesterday we receieved notofication that graduation was on June 9th.  I was shocked.  We have had a lot of snow days.  Apparently not a single one of them will be made up.  It is annoying to me.  My son loves school.  There tuition is pretty high considering that it is only 3 days a week.  My parent had scheduled a vacation for that week because they figured that gradation would not be until the end  of the month.  Grrrr. 

Anyway, I am excited about the day.   I am going to start working on explaining it to him now.  I want him to understand that he will not be going to school for the entire summer.  He does not understand it when has a week off for vacation week so it will be tough to explain the whole summer off.  He is really going to miss his friends.

Every once and a while we all have one of those days.  I woke up this morning feeling a bit down.  My husband told me a while ago that he was not that attracted to me any more.  Last night I asked him what it would take for him be attracted to me again.  I was fully prepared to have him tell me to drop 30 pounds.  Maybe dress a little nicer, since I am in the sweatshirt rut stage of my mommy life.  I was even prepared for him to suggest surgery for my saggieness and stretch marks.  I was totally unprepared for the response that I got.  He said, "It is just the way that I feel about you now". 

Needless to say my marriage is on its way out.  I have agreed to go to counselling but my hopes are not high.  I am really terrified at the road ahead.  I am worried about where the kids and i will live.  We have no one that we can move in with.  I have no way of affording child care so I can return to work and have enough left over to pay the bills.

This morning my daughter gave me a little laugh.  She got ahold of a crayon when I was not looking ad drew a mustache on her face.  It is nice to know that no matter what happens I will have my children and they will have me.  Despite it all these little moments are the ones that we remember and look forward to.  So... thank you my little girl for a laugh when I needed it.

My husband is taking the children to some construction show tonight.  He needs to look at something for work so he figured he would go and take them along  so that they can look at the big construction equipment. 

I am so upset with my husband for many different reasons that I am really welcoming the break from him tonight.  I have so many different ideas about what I could do without the 3 of them for the night that I can not decide.  It is so much easier to run errands on my own.  No one to rush me along and there will be no sudden panicked statement of , "I have to go to the bathroom" when there is none in sight.  Even if I just stay home and listen to my music a little too loud while I get caught up on things I am sure it will be a great night. 

We are almost done preparing for Easter.  The outfits are ready.  I can't wait to see the kids all dressed up.  I got a great deal for a nice dress for my daughter on eBay and got handsome outfit for my son at Wal-Mart.  I do not have anything to wear myself but we know that once you have kids everyone just looks at them anyway so who cares.  I am not making my own chocolates this year as I have in the past.  There is just not enough time.  Besides that, I really need to watch my son's weight so we are going to get mostly small trinket tops rather than candy for them.

I hope everyone is having a nice day.