I haven't been on here much lately.  We were going through a busy time.  There was preschool graduation, gardening, some home repairs, in-law problems and early summer gatherings that have kept me tied up.  This gets me thinking of how we rotate through cycles in our life.  Now that I have small children these cycles are much more noticable.  We have the standard cycles of our childrens lives.  There is pregnancy, newborn, crawling, walking, talking, potty training and so on.  Us parents have our own stages too.  There are the stages that involve our children.  We also have times of finacial strain (more so then others), ups and downs in marriage, our health, careers and so on.

It is funny how we wish away the current stages of our lives in seeking those "wonderful" next steps.  The grass is always greener on the other side.  The thing is that we always end up looking back and seeing that we miss something.  Sometimes it is the family vacations of our youth, a high school friend, a relative that has passed away.  There is always something to look forward to and always something that we will miss from our past.  There is also the need to enjoy the moment that we are in.

There is a country song by Trace Adkins called "You're Gonna Miss This".  I know many are not fans of country music but this is a song worth listening to.  It actually made me cry one day.  I had heard it several times but one day I was driving down the road in my car alone and I really listened to the words.  It is so true.

Anyway, I hope everyone has been well.   I hope to have more time to check in over the next few weekes then I have in the past few.

When I picked Kevin up from preschool yesterday we receieved notofication that graduation was on June 9th.  I was shocked.  We have had a lot of snow days.  Apparently not a single one of them will be made up.  It is annoying to me.  My son loves school.  There tuition is pretty high considering that it is only 3 days a week.  My parent had scheduled a vacation for that week because they figured that gradation would not be until the end  of the month.  Grrrr. 

Anyway, I am excited about the day.   I am going to start working on explaining it to him now.  I want him to understand that he will not be going to school for the entire summer.  He does not understand it when has a week off for vacation week so it will be tough to explain the whole summer off.  He is really going to miss his friends.

Every once and a while we all have one of those days.  I woke up this morning feeling a bit down.  My husband told me a while ago that he was not that attracted to me any more.  Last night I asked him what it would take for him be attracted to me again.  I was fully prepared to have him tell me to drop 30 pounds.  Maybe dress a little nicer, since I am in the sweatshirt rut stage of my mommy life.  I was even prepared for him to suggest surgery for my saggieness and stretch marks.  I was totally unprepared for the response that I got.  He said, "It is just the way that I feel about you now". 

Needless to say my marriage is on its way out.  I have agreed to go to counselling but my hopes are not high.  I am really terrified at the road ahead.  I am worried about where the kids and i will live.  We have no one that we can move in with.  I have no way of affording child care so I can return to work and have enough left over to pay the bills.

This morning my daughter gave me a little laugh.  She got ahold of a crayon when I was not looking ad drew a mustache on her face.  It is nice to know that no matter what happens I will have my children and they will have me.  Despite it all these little moments are the ones that we remember and look forward to.  So... thank you my little girl for a laugh when I needed it.

My husband is taking the children to some construction show tonight.  He needs to look at something for work so he figured he would go and take them along  so that they can look at the big construction equipment. 

I am so upset with my husband for many different reasons that I am really welcoming the break from him tonight.  I have so many different ideas about what I could do without the 3 of them for the night that I can not decide.  It is so much easier to run errands on my own.  No one to rush me along and there will be no sudden panicked statement of , "I have to go to the bathroom" when there is none in sight.  Even if I just stay home and listen to my music a little too loud while I get caught up on things I am sure it will be a great night. 

We are almost done preparing for Easter.  The outfits are ready.  I can't wait to see the kids all dressed up.  I got a great deal for a nice dress for my daughter on eBay and got handsome outfit for my son at Wal-Mart.  I do not have anything to wear myself but we know that once you have kids everyone just looks at them anyway so who cares.  I am not making my own chocolates this year as I have in the past.  There is just not enough time.  Besides that, I really need to watch my son's weight so we are going to get mostly small trinket tops rather than candy for them.

I hope everyone is having a nice day.

The last few weeks have brought me some real bad days.  I woke up this morning and heard the rain outside.  While I was laying in bed I made the decision that no matter what happened today that I was going to have a great day.   Raining or not I am ready for a good day.  I figured that this positive thinking thing was worth a try.

So far it is woerking.  I turned on my computer to see that I had an e-mail confirming a decent order from one of my customers.  My 4 year old got himself dressed and he did it quickly.  My daughter is in the other room happily playing on her own.  I have accomplished enough already this morning that I am taking a computer break without the guilt of think I really should be doing something else.

I am going to keep thinking positively and see how the rest of my day turns out.

We are so excited that it is finally warming up.  Kevin had a conference at his preschool on Friday.  When it was done we went down the the shoreline here in Connecticut for a bit of a hike.  Kevin is still not feeling too great so we did not walk too far.  It was so nice to be able to go outside without a big heavy winter coat.  I will be adding some pictures of our little adventure.  This trail is at Bluff Point in Groton.  There is even a small airport there for the children to enjoy.  The trail is ideal for strollers.  When we were done we went to the near by Dairy Queen. 

Last night we had our first thunderstorms of the year.  I love the power of them  They are so interesting to watch.  Kevin used to be afraid of them until we told him that the thunder was giant dump truck in the sky.  Now he loves the idea. 

Kevin went to the doctor and had x-rays yesterday.  No pneumonia.  He does not seem to feel that bad but as soon as he starts moving around at all he coughs to the point that he vomits.  The doctor said that his bronchial tubes are just very irritated from being sick so much this year.  We were sent home with a machine for breathing treatments and some prednisone.  Hopefully this will work fast.  It is real hard to convince him to not run around, especially now that the weather is finally starting to warm up a bit.

Kevin goes to preschool 3 days a week.  He loves it.  Today is a school day and he woke up yet again with a fever and a cough. No school for him again.  This is the 3rd cold he has had in a month.  He also had some intestinal thing.  This is really scaring me.  I am calling the doctor when they open the office and I am going to do what I can to get him in.  He does not seem too extremely ill but this is getting ridiculous.  I have been told that children of his age get sick a lot but this is too much.  I make sure he eats a balanced diet.  He takes vitamins, gets exercise and frequently washes his hands.  I will feel better once he gets checked out.  I am just afraid that there is some other reason why he is getting sick so often.

I am so excited about today.  I do not have any appointments or errands.  It is supposed to be raining today so I will not be taking the children outdoors to  play.  They are not going to be too happy but I am thrilled.  I have a lot of things that i need to get caught up on around the house.  There are always the bigger jobs that once you start them you want to finish.  Today is the day to get them done.  I am going to reply to a few customer e-mails and then it is off to work.  Yippee!

Before I had children housework was never so exciting.  Partenthood really does change us.  Something about looking forward to housework makes me feel like I am going insane.

This past weekend was the weekend that I had been waiting for.  A month of arranging child care and planning out our time went bad because of an intestinal bug.  Instead of hiking, going out to luch and visiting the casino I spent my Saturday bent over a toilet bowl.  I cried.  I had wanted this time away from the kids and with just enjoying my husband.  I have been stuck in this house all winter.  I was desperate for the break.  This sucks!

At least the money is still there.  We can still go do something.  The thing is my husband does not get a single day off for 2 full weeks and we definatley will not be able to get a sitter.  My parents are the ones that watch them for us and my father is going in for surgery.  It is times like this that I feel the need to tell people about when they are considering having a baby.  It is not always about cute little outfits and giggles. 

When I decided to start having children I was totally prepared for the hard work and loss of sleep.  I was not aware of how tough it is to loose all your freedom.  Don't get me wrong.  I do not in any way regret my decision.  I love my children and I am so happy to have them.  It is just a thing that I think it is very important for someone to think about when they are considering having children.

Oh well!  So now we have some cash and maybe I will take the kids to a movie this week.  I can treat my husband to a couple of nice dinners.  I suppose it will be nice for him to come home to when he is not getting any time off of work for a while.

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!