I am having a break right now from cleaning as i am going to do damage to myself i know it so sorry to all the girls tomorrow i will be in pain and high as a kite on meds. :( but i need to do this house. its driving me mad. Chris and i have already had a few  words this morning about it and it is only 11am. he is out atm cause he needs to find a diff for a mate (not impressed i can tell u) so my house is discuting. i would take picks but i am so ashamed of it. think of that show how clean is your house yeah my house is like them yucky ones atm. i am just so freaking lazy and so is chris and i start to do stuff and he does then he stops so i give up. (i grew up having to cook and clean after everyone i dont want to be doing it now. it feels like punishment still for something i never did. :( )

so i needed a cuppa after i moved a whole heap of stuff and washed the kitchen floor and where i moved my piano to. now all i need to do is sweep into a corner and throw out crap and put the other crap away and then the toys. yep they are still in the walk way. half done i will add. needs to be done today or tomorrow when i get home from the minti meet. as it is bin day monday and chris has a heap of his mates coming over next saturday for a Initial  D  series day (Initial D is a manga cartoon on drift racing, we got our passion of our Corolla's from that as the main car is a AE86 terreno (sp) its a beautiful car. )  we have most of all ther series on the PC. :)

so my title u say... why do i wanna ******* my kids. well they are giving me the shits. i ahve told them i dont want to see htem or they have to help clean the house. so they have been told to go and play out the back or in the toy room. but no they have to keep coming in and annoying the **** out of me. grrrr

on a good point my dad is coming over today. i havent seen him since Charlie's birthday (10th feb) so yeah its been a long time. not happy about it but cant do anything about it hey.

well i need to drink my cuppa before it gets cold and get back to cleaning the house and doing the moutian of washing i have.

well i thought i would let ya know I am still here. have decided to stay being friends with my friend and let her hubby decide if he wants my families friend ship.

I realised what the day was today. its the 15th may meaning in a week it is my birthday. 26 finally. I HATE my birthday. it is a day where i always feel like utter shit. no matter what people have done in the past i always feel like shit. so i am basing my huge crash on that as well as this friend. its hard to think that a few years ago i ended up in hospital due to the same feelings. oh i hate them.

I want to thank all the people sending me lovely messages. they make me feel better thank you. Thank you Kellz so much for your phone call last night. it was wonderful to finally after so many years to get to talk to you and hear sumara. she is so cute. :)

well I am about to drop Alex at school in 15mins and then we are off to see Pia for a few hours. she has a flat tyre and needs to get it fixed so chris is going to take it up for her. (man ppl like that rip us chicks off. once i called a business for a head to be cleaned, acid diped and skimmed (engine head) and for my 4K engine they quoted me $600+ the next day Chris rang the same place and it was $200. I was not impressed. Chris complained to them and said that you know you lost business yesterday with a chick. they said yeah. he said well that was my wife and she knows about cars and fixes them and she was getting quotes for this. they went red. it was sad that they felt they had to rip me off but a guy thats a whole other story) so yeah. at lest i will get to spend time with my buddy. i have missed not being able to see her and chat to her online.

As Pia has let you know. I am in a bad place atm.

struggling with some regection and hurtful words atm from a particular person who thinks i am calling them a bad parent for offering advice. Chris is on high allert atm as due to me being in a dark place he cant take chances again. i dont blame him. i know what was in my head last night and it was very nice.

to be perfectly honest i should be in hospital cause i dont trust myself to keep me safe. but i am too scared to go there after my last trip there so i will call my shrink to see how soon i can see him or someone. my meds are working but i think i need to go back on my anti deps as it has been a very stressful few weeks cause of this person.

some of you know what i am talking about as i have confided in a few ppl on this situation. all of what you said has helped alot. i now am very worried about the other person involved and how it will afect our friendship.

well i need to go. Charlie is wanting breakfast as Alex is at school having breakfast club atm (i love it). will keep a few ppl in my loop to let you know how i am, as i might not come on while i figure my head out. I hate it when it is this dark. so look out for Pia, Kellz or Cazza's posts as i think they are the only ppl's mobile i have.

thank you to those wonderful ppl who have put messages in my blog and Arna i will be sending you a minti mail soon.

thanks again guys

Liz

well we picked up my van tonight. it is in desperate need of a service. good thing it is a 4K so its eye closed fixing. its got blue flames painted on it. it looks pretty hard core. PMSL. will take some pics tomorrow weather permitting as its been on and off raining here. we managed to get it for $250 but he wanted $650 so bargin i think. she does need engin work and new rear seats which we can do with ease.

Alex went to his mates today after school. he loves james. loves going to his house and playing. next wednesday James and his sister are coming here. Alexandra always has to come. she loves Chris. think i have comptition PMSL (too bad she is like 11 hahahaaa) she a sweety but. looks after Alex at school.

Tonight when we got home Alex gave me the MS readathon form and asked me to sign him up so i did. so please if you could sponser him @ http://www.msreadathon.org.au/member/?HPID=444460 you might have to look him up as Bel said it took her to the main page but on my pc and laptop it goes to his homepage. his name is Alexander Munro. he would greatly appreciate it. he reads a few books a night. am actually look for more for him as he has read them all in the house.

hope you are all well

Luv Liz