Sad day today - our rector I've been talking about died last night.   He had an aggressive bowel cancer which took him down.  On the bright side, he was reasonably well up until the last 9 weeks, so we can be thankful for that.  He leaves behind a wife and 3 adult kids, one of whom has Downs Syndrome and still lives at home.  The funeral will be on Monday afternoon.

As for me, the x-rays came out clear so now I've got an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon, but not until the end of January.  So in the meantime I'm just doing physio and trying to get as strong as I can.  Vertigo's still there, but I'm on some medication now which seems to help quite a bit.

Still don't feel like myself totally though and I'm really thinking that I need to find a new direction in life.  I'm feeling I need to slow down a lot - but that also freaks me out cause I feel like I'm losing out on so much of my potential by doing that.  I feel like I need to achieve so much and I'm being prevented from doing so.  I just wish I knew what to do next.

Did some research today on "labyrinthitis" - which is the official name of this vertigo illness I've had.  I'm still getting dizzy and still get tired easy and I'm reading about other people with this who have it for years - if not for life.  I'm beginning to think I have to get past wishing I would get better - which doesn't seem to be happening - and instead look at ways that I can get on with my life that allows me to manage this condition.  So that's going to be my focus now.  And if I get well in the meantime, so much the better!!

My knee is also a bit of a worry from falling down stairs.  Had x-rays yesterday and I should get the results next week.  But the doctor seems pretty sure I will need to see an orthopaedic surgeon and that there's a good chance there may be some cartilege damage.  Funnily, that doesn't bother me so much.  It's massively inconvenient - and possibly quite painful to treat - but I feel confident that it's treatable.  Which means eventually this too shall pass! ;-)

I'm feeling a bit confused as to my way forward at the moment.  I don't think I can continue to work full-time and study and look after kids and everything as I was if this labyrinthitis is to go on as it is.  But I can't stay in the job I'm in now and be happy.  So what's next? I really don't know.  I hope that some window opens for me soon.  I'd love to know which way the road was leading next...