It was Earth Hour last night.  For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's  where everyone turns off their lights and appliances for one hour to conserve energy.

Both my girls are used to sleeping with their lights on, so I didn't want to send them to bed in the dark.  And I was struggling to think what I could do with them for an hour in the dark with no TV, no computer, no electricity.  To my surprise we did quite well!

We lit about 15 candles all around the place.  Then I got a packet of marshmallows and some bamboo skewers and  we toasted marshmallows.  The kids had a ball - and we used no electricity!  Then they had a bubble bath by candlelight which seemed like such an indulgence!  I began thinking that once they went to bed that I would do the same! 

Before I knew it, Earth Hour was over and the lights went on again and the girls went to bed.  And so did I!

For some reason in the last week or so I have been thinking a lot more about the ex-friends of mine who kicked me out of their (my) church home group at the end of the year before last.  I thought I had put them behind me, knowing that while what they did was hurtful, they had cut off contact from me and so I didn't really need to fear them coming back into my life.  And also knowing that I've left that church and don't have any reason to think I'll cross paths with any of them.

But I've just been thinking about it again.  And it always makes me feel so sad and angry.  I just wish these people would realise what a mean, horrible thing they did and apologise.   All I want to do is let it go for good, and I just can't seem to get past it.  There just doesn't seem to be any resolution and it just makes it so hard to get closure.  I don't want to be a bitter person and I don't want to hold onto old pain.  I want to get past it.  But I just don't seem to be able to.

I know that's really pathetic, especially after all this time and with life being as good as it is right now.  Maybe it's just that I miss the friendship that I thought I once had with these people, especially coming up to a wedding which feels somehow like a celebration of your past as well as your future.

I just feel like I was deceived and betrayed by these people I trusted.  And I feel like any good times in my past which involved these people has been tainted cause I don't know if they really were my friends at that time, or if I was deluded then too.  I feel like I'm missing nearly 8 years of life from when I first started going out with my ex-husband to when these people kicked me out because it's all intertwined and I have few memories from those years that don't involve either my ex or those people. 

On the bright side, at least, I am now with a beautiful, loving man who is safe and trustworthy and who I am deeply in love with.  I have true friends now that I know I can trust and who I know are loyal and honest.  I have lovely children who seem to be well-adjusted, intelligent and affectionate.  I own a house and I'm working towards gaining a qualification in a career that excites me.  Life is good now.  In fact, I think life is better than it's ever been.  I just wish I could get rid of any overhangs from the past so that I could enjoy life now without anything affecting it.

I feel like I could sleep all weekend and still not have had enough sleep!  It's been such a huge week.  Uni has been really full-on.  Still annoyed with my lecturer and don't really feel like I understand what he's teaching.  But somehow managed to pull a 10/10 on my first assignment, so that was pretty cool.  Talked to my boss and her boss about the issues I've been having with work and they were really great about it and are going to do some things to help out there.  So that's really good too.  But I was stressing about it all week and ended up in tears afterwards just from all the stress.

Got a busy weekend.  Going to a wedding of one of BF's friends tomorrow night and the kids are going to have a sleepover at Nan's house.  As well, I have to do my next uni assignment by Tuesday, so I doubt I'll have much spare time. 

Speaking of which, I'd better go and have a decent night's sleep!  Take care everyone!

Its not as banal as it sounds... Since we moved, I haven't had anywhere to put my eldest daughter's toys away in her room.  But yesterday I picked up a plastic set of drawers and today, when she came home, we put them together and together cleaned her room together.  It was amazing just how happy and pleased she was to do it, and its made a real difference having an organised room with floor space rather than having toys and books everywhere.

Tomorrow I will need to do my younger daughter's room (though her's isn't in nearly as bad a state as her sisters).  Wish me luck!!

Yesterday was my birthday.  So first of all, thank you to everyone who left me lovely messages!

Was pretty low-key.  BF came in from work in the morning (from night shift) and couldn't wait to give me my present - the Kath & Kim series 4 DVD.  My ex called me in the morning and the kids got on the phone to say happy birthday.  He said he'd bring them around before we were going out in the evening.  Work was okay.  One of my really good friends who I work with gave me a handbag for my birthday.   Chris also texted me to tell me that he'd paid the deposit on our reception venue, so now that's organised!!

Got home in the evening and my mum came round.  She gave me a Queen greatest hits CD and a new exercise DVD.  My ex only turned up with the kids about 5 minutes before he knew we were going out.  It was great to see the kids, but my eldest daughter was really distressed to have to leave.   At first she didn't want to go, then when I said she'd have to, she asked if she could at least have some birthday cake.  When I told her that I didn't have a birthday cake, she just seemed so horrified!  What is a birthday but a day that you eat cake!!  Luckily, I had about a third of my brother's birthday cake in my fridge (his birthday was earlier in the week) so I offered that to her instead and let her take it back to her dad's with her.  I think in future I won't do that.  When the kids come to me, its got to be so they stay, cause they don't cope well with just a visit.

Went out to dinner with BF and 2 of my good friends and their partners.  Had some wine and chinese dinner.  After dinner BF had arranged for a birthday cake - so I did have one after all!  It had candles that had multi-coloured flames which was pretty cool.  Only thing was, when the waitress set the cake down, a couple of the candles fell out of their holders and into my lap!  One of them didn't go out and I managed to pick it up again and put it back on the cake without the flame going out!!!  It's a little disconcerting having a naked flame fall in your lap, but no harm done.

Came home and to bed.  Not a huge day, thank goodness, but a nice one.

Uni started last week so its all on now.  I realised that this semester I'm doing  hours class-time per week, whereas the last two years I've only been doing 2 hours class-time.  I know it doesn't sounds like much, but its a lot more than I've done in the last couple of years.  And my Architectural Design lecturer is, honestly, a really poor teacher and the whole class is struggling to understand what he's trying to et across to us.  I'm really hoping I can cope with it!  I'm a bit worried, to be honest, that I'm not going to cope too well.  But I have met some really lovely people this semester so I'm enjoying that aspect. 

On the bright side, my sister came down to visit this last weekend and I FINALLY got to meet my nephew!! I'll post some photos when I get them off the camera.  He's such a cutie.   7 months old and just started crawling. Huge blue eyes, cute button nose, and the biggest smile - especially when his Aunty Leith is playing with him. *grin*!!

And today is one year until I get married.  Yay!  That's pretty exciting!  The weather was lovely today, so I hope it will be the same this time next year.  We're pretty far along in our wedding planning.  We have the church, my dress, the reception venue (we've picked it but haven't put a deposit down yet), and the photographer.  And lots of ideas for the rest!  When we were in Istanbul last year, we picked up some pure gold.  We're hoping we can use that, probably melted down in an alloy, to make our wedding rings out of.  Got to do some research into that!  My big issue is choosing a colour (or colours) for the bridal party to wear.  They've all got such different colouring from each other that I'm struggling!  Oh well, I guess the planning is half the fun!