POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from  zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become inancially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

I guess I've been pretty down lately. I haven't really felt like commenting on anything, altho I have been reading and voting alot. I'm just in a bit of a funk. And my neighbours are driving me mad, so I've been hiding in the bedrooms alot (where there is no computer) so I can't hear their crappy music. I can't wait til they are kicked out.
And I've been cheating on Minti with Facebook. Sorry Minti! It's just really good for uploading pics so I don't have to sent out emails of the baby all the time.
Anyway, I'm going to try to be more active again. Hopefully it will help bring me out of this pit I feel like I'm in.

One absolutely huge stress has been taken off of me... I finally found a babysitter to watch Lily when I go back to work. I came by her by chance. It must've been fated, I think I've called half the people in Halifax trying to find someone to watch my baby. So the count down to going back to work begins... 54 days... holy crap!!!!

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.   The following is anonymous from a Mother in Austin, Tx.:  

 Things I've learned from my children (honest and no kidding):  

1.  A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.  

2.  If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.  

3.  A 3 yr. old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.  

4.  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.  

5.  You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.  

6.  The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.  

7.  When you hear the toilet flush and the words "oh oh"  it's already too late.  

8.  Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke and lots of it.  

9.  A six year  old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.  

10.  Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.  

11.  Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.  

12.  Super glue is forever.  

13.  No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.  

14.  Pool filters do not like Jell-O  

15.  VCR's  do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.  

16.  Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.  

17.  Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noise when driving.  

18.  You probably do not want to know what that odour is.  

19.  Always look in the oven before you turn it on.  Plastic toys do not like ovens.  

20.  The fire department in Austin Tx, has a 5 minute response time.  

21.  The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.  

22.  It will however, make cats dizzy.  

23.  Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.  

24.  The mind of a 6 yr. old. is wonderful.  First grade.....true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.  She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.  She read, "and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"   The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think the man said?"  One little boy raised his hand and said,  " I think he said 'Holy S*** a talking pig!!!!'  The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.  

25.  60% of the men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

i'm waiting for my drive to the dentist. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in about an hour. I'm so nervous, i hate dentists. and on top of everything it's snowing like mad out. UGH!!!

Dad had his surgery yesterday and came through it fine, as far as i know. He'll be in the hospital for another week or so, so i will probably be going up home sometime next to visit. They ended up doing a quadrupal bypass, not just a triple. I suppose since they were in there, they may as well do 'em all up!