Last night Anthony and I were at Bible study when I got a call from Josh (my oldest) and said that I need to hurry home because he got in a fight with Jullien (my middle son).  They have had a strained relationship for a while and rarely even speak to each other. Josh had come over and all three of my boys went to the jacuzzi.  They started to "play" wrestle, Josh got Jullien in a choke hold, Jullien freaked out and started choking Josh and then threw him (Josh is 3 years older and only 5'10 150 lbs. Jullien has now gotten bigger than him, 6'3 175lbs.)   They started screaming and yelling at each other and Jullien left but punched a wall a bunch of times and then went to his friends and stayed the night. My youngest son Elijah was a mess because he witnessed the whole thing.  He was crying and didn't want to talk.  He is my peacemaker and can't stand any tension.

I took Josh to his dad's and said maybe we can all go to counseling, he said ,"NO, I'M DONE WITH EVERYONE AND WE SHOULD ALL GO OUR SEPERATE WAYS."  So, now I guess I'll just keep praying and wait till this all calms down and try again.

Meanwhile, today I had to pick up Jullien from school at 12:00 to take him to the Dr's. because he might've broken his hand.  So we went there then headed over to get X-rays and now tomorrow we have to go to see an orthopedic  Dr...all because he punched a wall in anger.

Okay I think I've almost reached my limit...I'm just ready for a little peace and to have my boys back to normal again!  What happened to my wonderful, well behaved, sweet and loving kids?

My son Josh, who recently got a DUI, finally contacted me last Thursday and I picked him up at his friends house (they took his license when he was arrested).  I was so excited to hear from him!  We went and got lunch then he came back to the house.  We hung out and talked, he seemed more like his old self.  He walked across the street to the grocery store with me, had dinner with the family and  even the little kids  said, "Wow, Josh talked alot!"  Which is unusual, because he never talks to any of us...it's like pulling teeth just to have a conversation.

Today he said he was coming over for dinner, I got really excited again.  While I was cooking I asked him if he wanted me to go to court with him on May 28th?  He said, "NO, you've babied me my whole life and I'm 19 now and having to learn everything because you never taught me!"  "  I said, "What are you talking about?  I taught you how to do your own laundry, showed you how important it is to never give up and always finish something you started.  We went and opened a bank account,  I tried to teach you how to save, write checks, balance  your checkbook, helped you find and purchase a car.  Taught you right from wrong, and ALWAYS punished you when you made bad choices".   He just repeated how much I babied him and now he was having to learn the hard way!

I can tell you right now this statement is coming from his father, (the same guy who has NEVER been a part of his life until he was 18, never paid child support until he turned 16 and then it was whatever he felt like paying,  after I spent a week and a half begging for the money).  My son spent years and nights crying himself to sleep and me comforting him because his dad wanted nothing to do with him. 

I felt like crying right in the kitchen...it's so hard when you have busted your butt your whole life to make sure that you were raising your kids right and making sure they never did without and then to be blamed for all their problems...while the person who really has caused the mess, (his father) is now the wonderful parent!  My son had no problems with alcohol  until he moved in with his alcoholic father who bought it for him and his friends and then partied with them.  He let him do whatever he wanted and  was a party buddy, NOT A FATHER.

So the minute he is in trouble...IT'S MY FAULT!  Wow, it's amazing....how I am the bad one for loving, caring, guiding and disciplining him.  It hurts and I hope someday he will realize how much I sacrificed to give him a good, stable, and loving upbringing...I need to go and cry now, thanks for listening, needed to get it all out.

I can't believe my baby is 13!! Where have the years gone...just yesterday he was my chubby little guy riding on the back of my bike with his big blue helmet on. We would ride down to the beach everyday pack a picnic lunch, get Juice It Up and feed the birds. It is on these memorable bike trips that my son became deathly afraid of birds. He LOVED his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...we were sitting having lunch, watching the waves crashing into the sand. The sound was like thunder on a rainy day...drowning out all the other noise around us. My son would squeal with delight as each monstrous blue, green and white wave pounded towards us, forcing us to run to higher ground. The sun was shooting rays of sunlight through the clouds like laser beams burning through the sand. The day was perfect...the moment was perfect, my son at just two years of age was enjoying the beauty of the lively world around him, while I just watched my beautiful child, amazed at the joy he brought to my life.

All of a sudden a cloud of darkness covered the sky, I looked up to see which billowy white cloud of cotton had covered our beams of light, when to my surprise I saw a whole sky full of seagulls circling overhead. My main concern was one of these birds having an accident right on the top of our heads, but my son giggled, pointed with his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and shouted, "boody mommy, see lots u em!" At that precise moment a seagull shot like a bullet from high in the sky, swooped with amazing precision and snatched my sons sandwich right out of his chubby little hand. He screamed, jumped up and started stomping on the sand and flailing his arms in hysterics. His chubby cheeks were fluorescent red. As another seagull flew dangerously close he ran straight into my arms and cried, "NO, NO, NO!" The scene was too much for me to take...I was laughing and trying to comfort my little guy at the same time. We immediately headed for the bike that was chained to a light pole a few feet away from us. Stumbling through the sand with my little man sobbing, while I laughed to the point of tears. What a site we must have been!

My son never got over his fear of birds and our little bike rides were never quite as fun after that fateful day. The memories are etched in my mind as if it were yesterday. The years have flown by but in my eyes I still see my sweet, chubby, innocent little baby jumping and screaming at the birds overhead. What a blessing from God our children are! Cherish every little memory and tuck them safely away in your minds treasure chest...where all of your most precious and valuable moments are saved. The years travel fast but the special moments live on forever.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIJAH! I LOVE YOU!