Yep, Im bleeding again. This time the pain is more intense than the last. I feel weak again and so very tired. I am starting to wonder if there is any point in going to the doc when all I will be told is that everything appears to be fine, cant find the source of bleeding etc. Do I really want to put myself through being treated like an idiot again... like some sort of freaky piece of meat for people to play with??? I said to all the doctors last time that something was wrong but only 1 listened to me. He followed procedure and sent me to the next doctor etc. Why did no one listen to me??? I know my own body and I know this is NOT right... then again I'm only a female so what would I know...........

fi xoxoxo

Hi to all my minti friends,

                                            Well it has been a while since I last blogged. Miss M has been keeping me on my toes that's for sure. Add Miss G to the mix and life certainly hasnt been dull to say the least!

Miss M is growing so fast and is just beautiful. She's 3 months old and going great guns. She has quite a little personality and the most endearing smile. I just adore her to bits!!!! Her first tooth is on it's way and she is very determined to get up and moving. All she wants to do is crawl, talk and be apart of it all. Miss M adores her big sister and likewise from Miss G. Miss M is quite happily waking me up at around 4:00 am every morning for the first feed of the day bless her. We kind of have a routine going but my main aim at the moment is to try and get her to sleep through the night...... wish me luck on that one! Then it will be conquering sleeping in the cot..... now that one will be a battle. Not only does Miss M love sleeping in bed with us there is a very proud Dad that loves having her there as well. We have the cot beside the bed so I'm going to be attempting to get her in the cot over the next few months. I love her to bits but I also love sleeping on my own!!!!!

Miss G recently turned OMG my little girl has grown up so much and is starting to turn into a little lady. She is doing quite well at school except on the Maths front. She has always struggled but now it seems to be getting a little bit worse. I have been talking to her teacher about it and he's been helping where he can. Jd and I have been looking around for a tutor for her. We have tried ourselves but she just wont listen. She sits there and rolls her eyes, rolls around on the floor or sits there and stares off into space. I can understand where she's coming from as I was terrible at school myself and really didnt give a rats about it!! Miss G can also have quite a lovely little attitude when she chooses to!!! We have had quite a few little discussions over the last little while. The amount of back chatting one little girl can do is astounding!!!!!

Jd...... is not here!!! He left for Cairns today and is currently steaming north towards the Torres Straits. Yep, he's gone fishing again. It was really hard saying good bye to him yesterday but I am still standing strong. There were a few tears shed on both sides. I could see his heart breaking as he said good bye to Miss M, then Miss G and then me. There was more than a tear in his eye as he placed Miss M in her car seat. Hugs with Miss G and then it was our turn. It's a shit situation but it has to be done. We need the money and finding work around here is next to impossible. We have mounting bills and we both want to get it all sorted. How long he's gone for I'm not sure. How much he is hurting being away from Miss M.... I know it's tearing him apart and it's only day 1!!!!! We are both hoping that the skipper is right when he says they are catching well. We have a magic dollar amount and the better they catch, the better pay, the faster he's home. So it's house full of girls at the moment!!!! I'm doing suprisngly well on my own... maybe I needed the break from him lol. I shed a few tears yesterday and a couple of times today but on the whole I'm doing ok. It's the quiet moments that can really suck.......

Sorry it's taken me a while to blog but I should hopefully have a little bit more time in the near future.

Love to all,

fi and the girls xoxox

A great big HELLO from Miss M to all of Mum's minti friends...... that's my girl!!!!!

Miss M showing off....

Miss G already for Heritage Day....

Easier said than done I know but here's a little story for you that may get you to think twice about dismissing things.

Most of you know that I was pretty crook there for a while and then I fell pregnant. Got through the pregnancy and now 9 weeks later...... I have had constant horrible headaches.. my excuse,lack of sleep and hormones. I keep having little dizzy spells and I have become more confused than normal. I am very forgetful and really just thought it was tiredness thanks to a bub and a 9 year old. Then on Saturday something went a little funky with my vision while I was out shopping with G. Starting seeing all weird and wonderful colours.. all blury. Again, put it down to tiredness etc. Sunday jd noticed that I had a burst blood vessel in my eye (yes jd is still here and didnt go fishing). Was a little annoying but nothing else really. Woke up Monday and my eye was really sore and the blood has spread. So I went to the doc and the next thing I know I have an appointment with an eye specialist. That appointment was today and little did I know that this appointment could potentially change my life.

The specialist has given me drops to help clear up my eye but he ordered blood tests. Who would of thought for an eye anyway. The reasons for the blood tests........... what's going on with my eye (it does have a name but I can't remember the exact word sorry) is a symptom of something else going on inside me. There are a few possibilites apparently but the main suspects are.... chrons disease, athritis, blood disorder and brain tumour or some sort of pressure on the brain. The specialist is being very cautious in telling me what's going on (makes me more suspicious) but he wants me to take it easy. I go back to see him in a weeks time but if anything changes I'm to go straight to hospital or back to him. He thinks that there is some level of athritis going on which could explain a few things but he is waiting for the results. I told jd that i was going to the shop but I didn't. I was sent off for a scan of my brain. (sorry manda for not say anything). I get the results tomorrow. I havent said anything to jd and I wont be until I know what the results are. I really dont want him to worry or stress out. I need him to be well rested to look after bubs and miss g.

So everyone please...... if you think or feel that somethings wrong with your health then please PLEASE get it checked out. Sometimes the simplest things can be symptoms of other things.

love to all,

fi xoxo

Here is my happy little bubba!!!!!!

Hi all,

         Wow time really can fly!!! Miss M is now 8 weeks old and just adorable. She is one pretty happy bubba except for yesterday when the immunisation needles came out!!! Actually she was a little champion and the moment we were out the door she was back to smiling and laughing like nothing had ever happened. Miss M is sleeping quite well and still will give me the odd whole night sleep woohoo. Her favourite thing in the whole world (besides me and jd of course) is laying on her playmat and talking to her toys. Loves a good chat does Miss M... I wonder where she gets that from lol.

Miss g.... where to start???? She's 9 in just over a week and that's the nice part.... she has been giving us hell to put it politely. I understand a lot of is attention seeking but some of the things that have been coming out of her mouth OMG!!!!! It is like have a 16 year old in a 8 year olds body. I really was hoping that she would of settled down by now but nooooooooooo she's only pushing me more and more. I don't know where my beautiful little girl has gone. We have always been extremely close but at this point in time we couldnt be more far apart.

Jd........ ok we've had our fights and a couple of whoppers but we seem to be a little more on track now. The thing is he is off fishing again so as of tomorrow I'm on my own. This time is a little more difficult... I know no one in this town and mum is 2000 km's south of me. I'm fairly sure that I can cope but there is also this little niggling feeling that I wont be able too....

Hope all is well with you all,

fi xoxoxoxo

wow, it's been a while! Apologies for the delay but Miss m has been keeping us all really busy. I can't believe she's 6 weeks old.... how the time has flown by :(. She has grown so much and is just adorable. Loves to have a chat and a laugh too! We have been really lucky, she's been sleeping through the night bless her cotton socks. The earliest I get woken up is 2:30 but she usually pushes through till 4. However the flipside to this is she just doesnt like sleeping in the day. She has her little cat naps but otherwise she just wants to be part of the action lol. At least when she is awake the majority of the time she's really happy. Miss m is the apple of Dad's eye that's for sure and she brings both of us a lot of joy.

Miss g has seemed to of settled into her new school and has made friends with the kids across the road. My baby girl is going to be 9 soon OMG. She has grown up so much and so fast. I miss my little girl :( I didnt say she could grow up now did I.... She loves her little sister and I have to say has been a great help to her mum. Miss m is amazed at her big sister lol and miss g just takes it all in her stride. She has taken on the role as big sister very seriously. I know she is missing spending time with me and I am trying my hardest to spend time with her. We'll get there eventually!!!

As for me, well...... it's back to feeling very ill all the time. So many doctors said to me that once I gave brith that I would be fine. No more nausea, no more pills... well it's all back but this time worse (didnt think it was possible lol). They have also taken me off the waiting list for the operation that I need. Some bright spark of a doctor that I have never met has decided that my condition is no longer in need of investigation. That means back to the drawing board. More doctors, more pointless tests and more waiting... first waiting to get on the waiting list, the waiting on the waiting list. After nearly 7 years of feeling like this you reckon someone would have some idea.... apparently not! So I'm going to try and see the doc tomorrow and get myself back on the anit nausea meds.

Hope everyone is safe and well. Been thinking of you all,

fi xoxox

P.S  I did try and upload some pics but the puter said no. Will try again soon sorry xoxox

Hello to you all...... yes we have the net again (YAY) and as many of you know the newest addition to our family (thanks heaps manda for letting people know).

Let's do a little rewind here....... Miss Madelaine decided that the due date of the 9th of January was not to her liking at all. She much prefered staying where she was. The last couple of weeks were not enjoyable at all for me and yep I was a mess. I hadn't slept for more than an hour a night for over a month, my back was killing me, I could hardly move, chronic heartburn...... the list was endless. The midwives I saw did take pity on me but no one was willing to induce me until the 21st of January OMG I fell apart. What it really go down to was the lack of beds available at the hospital. So all we could do was wait and wait and wait. Monday the 19th came round and was my designated rest day. I had planned to get up on Tuesday do all the housework, pre cook come meals etc ready to go to hospital on the Wednesday. Early Tuesday morning, around 3 am I started to feel a little more off than usual. I knew that something was up but considering I had been having contractions off and on for weeks I thought nothing more of it. 7 am rolled around and there was no denying it, I was in the early stages of labour. Although, I was doing a fantastic job of being in denial lol!!! Jd took me to the hospital at around 9:30, saw the midwife and was told that I was maybe 1 cm dialated. They said I could stay or go home, home for me thank you very much. So spent the day doing some odd jobs, trying to rest and ignoring the fact that I was in labour haha. 4 pm and I had another a show (oh had a couple of other shows through out the day) and I then could not sit still. All I could do was walk around and rub my back. Prepared miss g a really quick dinner and kept on pacing. Jd was brilliant and kept rubbing my back for me bless his cotton socks. 8 p.m rolled around and got miss g into bed. The contractions were pretty intense by that stage and the need to push was starting to happen. Went off and put myself in the shower...... the one place where I could usually get some relief.... not this time. Got myself dressed, walked out and said to jd "I think it's time to call the hospital". That was it, he was up and at em! He got miss g out of bed for me and then rang the hospital. By this stage my contractions were about 3 mins apart..... the hospital wanted me to go in via Ambulance as we live 1/2 an hour away. I looked at Jd and said "Right let's get in the car". The look on his face was priceless. We drove to the hospital in record time... ok so we had to run a couple of red lights and Jd was going slightly faster than the 100 km/h speed limit hehe. I knew we'd make it there in time. Presented ourselves to emergency who then quickly went and got a midwife. Boy did I cop it for not coming in via Ambulance lol!!! Then a round of applause from them and the emergency staff!!!! Went into the birthing room while jd and miss g parked the car and got my stuff out. I'm sure Jd had about 50 ciggies as well lol. Checked bubs heart rate and it was perfect. What was not so perfect was the fact that the only pain relief option for me was a hot shower.... oops left the run to the hospital a little to late BUGGER!!! The contractions were really intense by this stage and my back was killing me. Miss g was starting to get a little scared but bless my brave girl hung in there. Jd was just marvelous. He was so calm and rubbing my back the whole lot. The contractions were now coming about 2 mins apart and I told Jd to take miss g to the waiting room. I knew miss worn was not to far away. I was screaming (how embarressing!!!). My back was well...... there are no words to describe the pain. So there I was on all fours on the bed, head shoved into the pillow SCREAMING!!!! What a site I must of been!  Then all of a sudden I felt the midwife hold my right butt cheek..... ok that was just weird. There I was screaming in pain and she was holding my butt cheek WTF????? She said to me "hang on a minute hunni this might hurt a little".... yay more pain!!! Miss worm had popped my hip out. Oh the joy!!! Unfortunately, the midwfe popped it back in just as another contraction hit. Well, the whole hospital knew about that let me tell you. I felt the need to push and even though she said not to push, bugger it I did. She hit the button for another midwife to come in, Miss worm was nearly here! By hitting the button, a bell rings and Jd knew that if he heard the bell that his daughter would soon be here. They broke my membranes for me and 4 good pushes later there she was, laying on the bed beneath me, screaming her little lungs out!!! They lifted her up, I laid down and she was placed on my chest. Jd came in the room about 2 minutes later. The look on his face I will never forget. We both fell instantly in love with wormy. She was perfect. All pink, 10 fingers, 10 toes, a little bit of fluffy hair. Miss g came in once I was cleaned up and met her little sister for the first time. She was amazed lol!!! So ladies and gents on the 20th of January 2009 at 11:30 p.m Miss Madelaine Kate arrived. She came in weighing a lovely 7 pound 12 oz and 50 cm long. She is a determined little thing and brings us great joy. Jd is besotted by her and has been more than a help to me. He's cleaned the house, washed and made bottles, loves the nappy changes and feeding. Gets up in the middle of the night the whole lot. Miss M really is his world and it's so lovely to watch. She is growing rapidly and is a real "mini Jd" lol!!!! Not really a fan of sleeping, there's to much to see and do lol!!!

Thank you very much to all that have left us the best wishes and love. Due to our own economic crisis, our net was disconnected and the bill was rather large. However, I'm back for the time being......... the only difference is I'm a mum of 2 little girls.... yes, I'm still coming to terms with that rofl! Must dash and pick up miss g from school so sorry people, pic will have to wait till later (I know, I'm a big meanie hehehe). Thank you all once again and I have missed and thought about you all often.

Much love to all,

fi (I gave birth with no pain relief OMG), Jd (1 very proud Dad), Miss G (my little star) and Miss M (here, FINALLY and a great source of joy) xoxoxoxoxo

  Here she is everyone!!!! Miss M at 3 days old!!!!! We think she's pretty dam cute lol!!!!

I really am beginning to not like nighttime at all. It's when the pains start up, the nausea settles in coupled with chronic heartburn and really just being so uncomfortable. Even though I am beyond tired, sleep is a distant memory. Sure I can close my eyes but they open again excatly an hour later. I know it will all be over with soon, it's not much of a comfort anymore though. Wandering the house like a lost soul seems to be the only thing that I can do. Also missing my mum doesn't help that much either. Not that there is much she could do about anything but just having here close by would be wonderful. I know that wormy will be here soon..... it's just one of those nights where you just want to close your eyes and have them stay closed. Well 39 weeks and two days and still counting.

fi xxoxox

Happy new year to one and all. Thank you for all the wishes from my minti friends. Well I'm 39 weeks today.... never thought I'd get here that's for sure. I have another midwives appointment on Tuesday but I may not make it. I think I could be in the early stages of labor. It started last night and hasn't stopped. Can't sit for too long, can't stand for too long, sleep is pretty much outta the question, eating.... really don't feel like it at all, going to the loo... well that can KILL. The pressure she is putting on my nether regions is unbelievable too...... owwwwwwwww :(  Wormy really likes to make her mark that's for sure. So I guess I better pack my hospital bag then. Yes, I should of packed it a while ago but anyone that knows me... well this really isn't unusual haha. Thank you to the girls that have supported me all the way through this never ending pregnancy. All the support I have received has meant the world to me, wormy and jd. Oh, he's getting rather nervous and excited about the whole thing...... I just hope he copes haha.

I hope everyone had a wonderful new years and from my little family to all of you, may 2009 be the year where all your hopes and dreams are fufilled.

love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and wormy (COME ON WORMY)

Ok sometimes you just need to admit that you aren't as strong as you think you are dontchya??? Well today was my day for that one! Over the weekend I have felt absoutley terrible. I've had a few severe dizziness spells, cracking nausea, stomach cramps and generally feeling really off. It came to the crunch last night where I came close to passing out. I have never passed out before in my life and going on last nights experience I never want to! So I made a deal with myself. If I got any worse through out the night then it was straight to hospital. I managed to get a little bit of sleep but when I got up this morning I felt shocking again. So that was it, I sucked it up and rang the midwife who I must say was absolutely lovely. She told me to come in to get a good check over. Jd was out the door before me lol. When we got there the next midwife I encountered was just a lovely if not more so. She hooked me up to all the monitors and checked wormy and me over. My blood pressure was absolutely perfect thank god! That was my biggest concern as my feet and hands were really badly puffed up over the weekend. Wormy is more than fine the little bugger. Apparently my uterus is a little irritated ( which made me laugh)! All that means is that I'm getting ready for miss worm to come along. Oh believe me, I want her to come along right now. What it gets down to for me is rest, a whole lot of fluids and becoming a sloth lol. The heat we've been experiencing has really taken it's toll on me. The midwife has instructed me to drink, drink and drink. It should help with constant headaches I've been having as well. Jd has taken miss g off down to the boat so she can ride around the slipway bless him. Just so I can have a little time out. Oh, while I was at the hospital I did have a number of contractions but the midwife did say it was still a little way to go before we can expect wormy AAARRRGGGHHHHH. They have arranged my next appointment for next week.... I'll be nearly 40 weeks along by then OMG!!! I'm hoping that the internal will help bring everything along for me. The thought of feeling like this for even a day more is really frustrating let along at least another 2 weeks!!! For the moment, wormy and I are holding are own..... well wormy better than me apparently.

love to you all,

fi (fat and frustrated), miss g ( jd's number 1 fan), jd (one anxious dad to be) and miss worm ( stubborn, large and in charge!) xoxoxxoxoxoxo