Hey Fi

You should never have to aplogise for being HONEST!!!!

I totally understand what you are saying and for a start I absolutely hated being pregnant, I retain fluid like a camel for a start and feel totally and utterly miserable. As much as I loved the thought of having another baby, I hated the realisation of knowing that once again it was another extension of my prison sentence !!!!!!

I think you should talk to someone medical about your feelings, its important to talk not bottle it up.

I'm not going anywhere, no matter what, you're always going to be my friend !!!!!

xxx

Well Fi after reading this.... I just wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you.  It is not easy,you do give up so much and I understand how you feel.  I know you'll be told  wonderful,hormones,bring new life but good for you to be honest with yourself. The way you are feeling needs to be addressed with some one that can help. You do need a medical check up Sweety cause you need your iron levels checked and need proper care and aid.  We can't have you facing this all alone,we want the very best for you. So you can't shake me as a friend I just wish things were easier for you and I could really give you those hugs...sending them anyway!!!! And lots of good vibes!

I felt much the way you felt when i fell Pregnant with Damian. I didnt talk to my partner but i wanted to abort him and i am pleased i didnt. But my unconcious mind chose for me to keep him as while i was in doubt i kept having nightmares.

It is ok just to rant as we all need to rant at times hope it all works out for you.

Thank you for being so honest and you certainly don't need to apologise. You are not alone in feeling like this, we have been trying for a second child for a while and after 2 years resigned ourselves that Amy was going to be an only child so I got round to thinking that once Amy starts Preschool I may be able to get a part time job and was thinking about the kind of things I would like to do when Bam! I was pregnant, at first I was over the moon then as time went on I started to worry about money and the fact that I would now be a sahm for a further 3 years, I got down about it and even wrote a blog recently stating that I was feeling down but unlike you was unable to be as honest and admit that I had been looking forward to having some indepence and be back to being Clare for a few afternoons a week, I did alot of soul searching and eventually talked it over with Steve and then as soon as I started to show and feel movement I relised how lucky I was to be given this second chance and that I was really looking forward to having another child now I'm not saying that you must do the same and any decisions you make must be between you and your partner, but I think many women go through this expecially if they have already returned to work and the pregnancy was a surprise, I hope you can carry on being  this honest with your partner and talk it through and to use an old cliche it could just be hormones.

For gods sake don't apologise.  I totally relate.  I love my third baby and wouldn't change it for the world but hated being pregnant and really didn't want anymore children!  Also had the guilt thing because people around me where so desparate for children, on ivf etc and i fell at the drop of a hat!!   In hind sight i probably had Pre-natal depression to a degree.  Seek some help outside of your family unit.  Through a Doctor or Councellor or something.  If nothing else do it for yourself because it is shit to feel that way, and why should you have to feel miserable everyday.

Hello gorgous lady!

you know its ok to to be honest, about how your feeling. My hubby often rolls his eyes at me and wonders why on earth im so desperate to be pregnant. I cry, winge, ache, puke, the lot. although i crave all those things now, when my time comes watch this space cause it'll be my turn, upset at feeling so crap all the time. Pregnancy can be really awful for some people. and im sorry that you are one of them. Just know you are never far from my thoughts, i hope you feel better soon, and vent all you want. Much much love hunny xxxxxxx

 I feel for you honey. I got pregnant with my son when I had only been with his father for 4 months. I had a 5 year old daughter already so the thought of going back to nappies and sleepless nights made me feel so sick. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your hormones will be a big part of this and the fact that it is a life changing thing - again. Work will still be there when you are ready. You are fully entitled to feel what ever you want to feel - give yourself time to accept the situation and let it be what it is. That was the only way I made it thru. My now husband ran a mil when he found out I was pregnant. We now have a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old girl together - plus my older daughter too. We have our moments when we play the 'I wish' game but we are happy. Take care - spoil yourself with something you really love!

It is a confusing time, you have a ton of hormones messing about in your body, and a new and relationship... It is only natural to have doubts and be wondering about what is right or wrong.  Perhaps you should do that whole positive / negative list thing.  Compare how you were feeling about life this time last year, and how you feel about life in general now.  I bet that you can find a way to have your cake and eat it - get everything you want, just reorganise the time line, where there is a will there's a way.

dear fi,

the reason why you hold a special place here amongst many hearts is your honesty that strikes a chord in all of us.......we thankyou for opening up and drawing us in to feel your 'burden' ............'burden' which  women can relate too readily and without hesitation say 'what, you too? I thought I was the only one'................

I have a confession Fi.  I only started getting excited about having another baby about 2 months ago.  I know how you feel.  You have plans for what you want to do, but you have to put them on hold.  As a mother, we have to give up everything for our families, partnered or not, and it can be very hard to cope with that.

You know, it is partly hormones making you feel like this, but also that hidden fear of not meeting the expectations of your new baby or the rest of your family.  It is actually normal to feel those things, as long as you understand you can't let them rule your life.

The tiredness is normal, but the more active you are, the less tried you are.  go figure, it works for me when catching up with the washing.  Getting me to stop again is the trick! lol.

Sweetie, we all know what you are feeling, so nonone has the right to make you feel bad about what you are going through.  Many of us have been there too, though some might not have been as brave as you for admitting it.

That life inside of you is a parasite, not just to your body, but your mind and resources too.  Yep, you being honest, then I will be honest about that fact.  They suck away at everything we have, and we get very little from it.  and to make it worse, others around us make us feel less because they can do it all! 

Big hugs fi, keep being honest about how you feel.  It helps the rest of us see the bigger picture of what is going on with you and therefore, we can help a little better.

Thanks heaps everyone.... I really needed to be open and honest about this. There is a lot going on at the moment and I feel like I'm being pulled every which way. Being so crook doesn't help either. I'm usually someone who is quite active and here, there and everywhere!! This has completely knocked me for 6. I am struggling at the moment and really hope that it doesn't last long. Miss g has been wonderful yet again and I owe her and two really wonderful friends for getting me through the day. Miss g and I have a really strong connection that no words can describe. She just seems to know how to cheer me up and get me through... without even realising that she's doing it.

 I have a feeling that this is going to be a tough road to hoe for yours truly. Somehow I'll do it..... just not sure how I'm going to do it yet.

much love,

fi xoxo

Sweetheart - If I could give you a hug I would give you the biggest one I have!   Racj

Oh honey if people are not your friend because you are struggling with life then they are not worth having.  I really believe that there is a reason for everything and as hard as everything is right now - it will get better.  I will be thinking of you in this time.

oh sweet Fi. it is so hard. you are going through so many changes and so very quickly. (hey i think your having a boy) having your life turned upside down is a hard thing to begin to deal with. you have your probs to deal with and so does JD.

all through my pregnacie with my first I thought of the A word even though i dont believe in it. but all i did all day was cry and sleep.

my partner and I were saving up for a house and our wedding the following year. we didnt want kids until we are the age we are now (so being married 6 years) but i look back now and even though we had the "shot gun" wedding as we brought it a year forwards we are happy with our 2 kids now.

things look bleck atm (i think) because of the constant feeling sick. i ws the same with both kids and our second was planned.

minti mail me ur MSN id and we can chat sweety.

you know you will never lose the special people out of your life.

Hunni, I'm so sorry that you feel this way.  And you know what?  It really does not matter if people don't like what you said, it's the truth, it's how you feel, and it's what matters.  It is never selfish to want to have a career, or stay at home or do anything really.  As parents we are always putting our babies first and often forget about the most important person, ourselves.  Why can't we take the time to spoil ourselves?  Why can't we do something that makes us happy?  We can and we need to remember that!  For you, working is what makes you happy, and it's ok for you to be sad that you can't do it.  Being able to do something for yourself only makes you be able to give more to the family.  I can only imagine how you are feeling being alone at the moment, I know my mom was a single mom for many years with me.  But you are doing a great job, whether you feel it or not!  It is not easy to be pregnant, have a baby, juggle the house stuff, and the bills and be happy.  We all have out ups and downs, and this is just your down right now.  Nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with wanting to just hide.  I know many people who have done that, only to emerge stronger and happier then before. 

The only thing I want to say it don't beat your self up, ok?  I know we are our hardest judges, we can pick ourselves in the most painful way.  It's easy to do, and hard not to.  Just know that you have many wonderful friends here how will do all that they can to support you in anyway possible.  I am here if you need anything!  Take the time you need to sort out your feelings, and keep being honest with yourself.  If you are not happy, then you are not happy, but I can promise you it won't last forever.  Do take care of yourself and you really are doing great job!  And I know you just need time, so take it.

Thinking of you,

Letti

I have a ten year age gap between the first two and the third. To be honest, I didn't plan it. I was looking forward to going to work, gaining a bit of freedom. I know just where you are coming from.

The thing is, now that she is here(and the twins) I don't regret a thing. Sometimes life doesn't go as planned but the outcome is better than what we imagine. I could go to work if I wanted. I can still do lots of things. I have made the choice to stay home to be with them just like I did with the first two. This might change.

True, pregnancy can suck at times, but feeling her kick, listening to her heart beat and finally holding her in my arms, made up for it ten times over. In fact, so good I got pregnant again LOL

If you give yourself time. you may feel completely different.

Hi Fi

You would never lose my friendship, as you have always being upfront with me, and have being a great friend..

I was very miserable when i was pregnant with chloe,. and even asked the doc to redo the test as i was devasted,, but i look at her now and think how lucky i am...

It would be hard for you, but you are a good Mum , and friend and we will help u as much as we can.. You just got to let us help u...

Jd will be home soon, and i believe all will work out..

Please let me know if there is anything i can do...

xx cazza

You will NEVER lose me.........no matter what. You can be 100% honest with and I'll do whatever I can just be here......I may not know what to say all the time but I'm here. I know what it's like to not cope and to be so depressed you hate yourself, you were there for me then and I'll be here for you. Yes I know it's different but I know the emotions well.

Let me say this though, the more I pretended to be happy for everyone else's sake.......the more depressed I got and the worse I felt.

You know where I am.......xxxxxxxx

You aint losing me my gorgeous....  just downloading new msn (having probs) and I will be on, will speak to you then xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx