Well last night proved to be one of interesting revelations. I was talking to Jd and somehow our of no where he just started talking about something he hates talking about. The abuse that he suffered as a child. He had told me while back that he had been abused and that was it. I knew that he was really uncomfortable in even telling me that it had happened so I never asked questions and never bought it up in conversations. Jd is someone that you can't push into talking about things. The moment you do he just clams up and that's it, end of conversation.

For some reason last night he decided to tell me more about it. I consider it an honour that he even told me in the first place. He has never spoken to anyone about it before. Never told previous girlfriends, never told his mates. Jd let me in on some of the things that his step father had done to him. The man basically beat him to a pulp. Day in day out. He did tell his Mum.... He did tell the police and nothing was ever done about it. His Mum still to his day does not believe that it happened even though her and the step father broke up years ago. She eventually ended up kicking Jd out for being so disrespectful to a man that was so respected in the community (He was a surgeon) OMG!!!! Look, I know she probably had her reasons for doing what she did and I am only getting one side of the story but COME ON!!! Your child ocmes to you and tells you something like that...... I know that there are many, many other instances like this, I have dealt with them in a professional sense, but this is very close to home. When she kicked him out he lived at the Salvo's shelter with drug addicts, alcoholics etc. He was 16 years old. For me, I am so proud of him and what he has achieved. I am even prouder to call him my partner. What he had to face as a boy did change him and set him up for a life that has been quite hard. Jd is still here though and he is still battling on. He has his days where he is really down but then again so do I. He is now dealing with stuff that happened over 20 years ago and I am with him every step of the way. What makes me so angry and quite sad is that this is not a one off incident. He was subjected to repeated beatings by this so called man while his Mum was busy trying to get her career off the ground. Look, I'm not saying she is a bad mother, I have no right to say that. I'm just wondering how I am now going to face this woman knowing what I do. Me being me, will be fine when I have to see her face to face but it will not stop me from defending Jd. She has a habit of being really negative with him. He even said to me last night that he knows that his mum has never been proud of him. She will only be proud of him when he's made money. SHIT!!!! that makes me so angry. I am raising G with the belief that you don't measure a man by what he owns but by the person he is. I am proud of the person that Jd is, something his Mum needs to learn. He is honest, genuine, intelligent, caring, loving, considerate, strong and determined. She should be proud of he son, I am. Jd to me is awesome and someone that deserves the best of what life has to offer. I respect him for telling me and now have more of an understanding of the person he is. I will stand by Jd through thick and thin, he at least deserves that and I know that no matter what happens he wil always hold one of the most special places within me. It just shits me that some people can treat their kids like this. They are KIDS, love them, nurture them and respect them as humans. I have seen the effects of abuse on a child when they are a child and now I am seeing the effect on the adult that the child has grown into. I love jd, I respect the man that he is and with everything I can muster in me, I will help him every step of the way to be where he wants to be in life.

Sorry, just had to vent that out,

fi xoxox

Well today I managed to leave the house and book the car in for some work that needs to be done and book Jd's flight home for tomorrow night. Yep, he's home tomorrow night at around 11:15.... hmmm somehow have to be awake for it!!! That's usually when I'm snoozing before the nausea/vomiting hits hard. He's also decided not to go back to this fishing job. The other decky on board was driving him insane and on the last shot of the trip they got into a massive arguement. Well, chooka's to Jd for not punching him out like he wanted too. He turned around and said to the skipper "that's it, I quit!!!". So his little idea is to work on his boat and go back to tafe. Look, normally I wouldn't have a problem with this but ummmm little thing here people, BABY ON THE WAY!!!!! Don't quite know what he thinks we are going to do for an income. I can barely work and once we move who is going to hire a pregnant woman??? Hmmm, seems him and I have a lot to sort out. He is so excited about coming home. Not quite sure if he's more excited in the fact that he gets to leave the boat or come home to me.... I think it's a little bit of both. Miss G is looking forward to him coming home. She's just upset that she won't be awake for when he gets home. I said to her that means she just gets to jump on him first thing the next morning haha suffer!!!! I am looking forward to him coming home but in some ways... well the easiest way to put it is that you get so used to being back on your own. You get to appreciate the time to yourself and the freedom..... I know I'll adjust to him being back again. There is alot of stuff that him and I need to sort out but believe me, there is not point doing it until about 2 weeks after he's back. He's still in "tough fisherman" mode and I'll leave him to it thanks very much. (I don't have a death wish hehe!!)

On another note, nothing like going to the letter box and finding a letter from Centrelink all about the changes to the system. Not that much of it had any relevance to me except the part where it says that they will now be assessing on gross income and not net pay. Well, thanks so much cos for me that means we are going to be worse off by around $80 a fortnight. To put it simply that's half of my food bill!!! So much for this government supporting the working family!! Pigs arse!!! We are struggling and loosing that money is going to make life that little bit harder. We are pretty much walking the poverty line as it is. I know of so many families that are struggling so badly, this is the last thing they need. You would think in light of rising petrol prices, food costs etc that they would be trying to help that little bit more.... NOOOOO can't do that now. Sorry guys, just a little bit pissed off!!!

Bun in oven is still giving me hell. I have my alright days but they are usually followed by really, really bad days. I'm soooo over the constant nausea grrrrr. I really hope this ends soon.... 9 months of this... NO THANKS!!!!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun xoxoxo

Being pregnant again has allowed some memories long forgotten back to the surface for me. There are some demons that I thought that I had dealt with but they have decided to come back for a visit.

The last time I was pregnant I was completely alone. It was just me and the little g growing inside me. I was bruised, battered and completely terrified. I had no idea what was happening to my body, I had no idea what I was going to do with this little thing inside me. I was trying to decide whether or not to keep g. I was a mess. I spent most of the days on my own as I was ashamed. Why ashamed?? Many reasons. I hid the pregnancy for as long as I could from my friends and just kept going through the motions that was my life. Yep, I went into denial. I stayed there for a while and then just switched onto autopilot for the rest of the pregnancy. I went through the scans and all the tests without even taking in the world around me. I went into labor with no one else there. I gave birth with only midwives present. Complete strangers that held my hand and treated me with nothing but compassion. I held g with no one else in the room. I have raised her with little to no help from anyone. It's always just been her and me against the rest of the world. I now find myself in the position of having another little life growing inside me. I am still scared. I don't know how we are going to do this. Part of me just wants to do it on my own again cos that's what I'm used to. I can handle it on my own but I have someone else to think of and that's what I'm not coping with. I know he's scared and excited all at the same time but I feel like saying just leave me to it. I don't know why I want to push him away but I do. Come to think of it, I don't want anyone near me at the moment.

I am no where near what they call a "natural mother". I struggled so badly through the first two years of g's life. I think that jd thinks that I'm a wonderful, "maternal" mum. I'm not. I'm worried how I'm gonna cope with this one. It took me so long to be a "mum" to g. Don't be mistaken, I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I just had to learn how nurture her. I sitll have days where I struggle as a mum. I don't want to disappoint him but I fear that I will. There is so much going on in my head at the moment aaarrrrgggghhhhh.

When it comes to jd..... I don't know what's going on at the moment. I'm angry at him for.... I have no idea why. I've been questioning as to whether or not I love him. It really is hard to love someone when they are hardly here.... distance is my biggest enemy at the moment. Look, this all might change when he comes home, it may not. All I know is that I'm scared, alone and pregnant again.

love to all,

fi xoxo

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

This appeared at a bottom of an email that was sent to me from my best friend and it made me think twice. You don't know the things that some are going through yet we all can be so quick to make judgement. People only show us what they want us to see for the same reason, a quick judgement that can be made by others. Maybe it;s just cos I'm pregnant but the above statement has just hit home for me.

fi xoxo

Ahh the joy's of being honest..... apparently sitting at my parents house is a letter for me from CHILD SUPPORT!!! i'm not even 8 weeks pregnant but they're onto me. Why?? cos I'm a single parent that has never received one bit of child support. They know the reasons why I don't collect it but it's all gonna come back up. I know full well that they will try and get jd to pay child support for G. They are gonna go through me with a fine tooth comb. I have ALWAYS been upfront and honest with Centrelink and C.S.A. I have filled out every form required (sometimes 5 times) and I have been working since G was 10 months old. I have claimed income that I have earnt (ALL OF IT) and now because I'm pregnant again it's all under review. Great just great!!! I didn't even want any benefits and told them this but they said that they are legally bound too!!! Look, I wasn't going to tell Centrelink that I was pregnant till the 3 month mark. I wanted to get over the first tri mester to make sure that everything was ok. Then I was going to tell them and when we moved, we were going to claim de facto...... AAAARRRGGGHHHHHH I can't seem to make a move without someone watching me and wanting to take what little I do get away. Look, I'm a reasonable person, I can see why they are so hot on this. I know that there are a lot of people that screw the system, fair enough! I'm just so over being penalised for others behaviour. It's not like jd would NEVER contribute to raising this one if we were to split up (heaven forbid!!!).... I never claimed child support for the simple reason that I never, EVER wanted anything from a drug taking, heavy drinking, irresponisble, woman beating ASSHOLE!!! I have fought and fought to keep a roof over G's and my head with really little to no help from Centrelink. Now the one time I am facing relying on Centrelink a little more than usual.... well don't count on that one!!! I LOVE government departments.... noooo really I do

love to anyone that is not centrelink or c.s.a,

fi xoxo

MORNING SICKNESS!!!! I've decided that someone up there doesn't like me and has decided to punish me !!! Yesterday was the best I've felt in a long time and I thought to myself yayayayaya it's over with but nooooooo today it's back full force. I've drunk that much ginger related stuff that I swear I'm starting to smell like a ginger plant!!! The only thing that's kind of helping is the pills the doc gave me. Nearly out of them so will ring the doc tomorrow in the hope that he will give me another perscription for them... fingers crossed. If I don't take them then I cant' even keep water down... it's oh so much fun.

Only 7 more days until jd should be home... thank god!!! The only thing is, me being me, I have left a lot of stuff to the last minute. Oops, time just got away from me!!!!! It will be so fantastic if he can help with getting G to and from school.... just have to wait and see how we go. He's had enough and just wants to come home.... I've got to get used to being so wanted!!! I haven't had the heart to tell him that I've been fine this time and I'm not going to either. I have missed him sure but have kept it together quite nicely this time. I'll just let him think that I've been really upset, it seems to make him feel better about himself being so upset hehe!!!!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun xoxo

A STAR!!! The poor thing has been stuck at home with me all day being really ill. For about 2 hours I couldn't get off the couch.... lord knows I tried! She kept herself entertained and hardly bothered me. Bless her cotton socks she even made her own sandwich for lunch. I kept apologising to her and she kept saying "don't worry about it mum". I have never been prouder of her..... Thanks little G..... you're gonna make the most excellent big sister. Oh, moon update.... it's nearly full YAY!!!

Not long till he's home... they get into Cairns either the 26th or the morning of the 27th of May. Then a couple of days cleaning the boat and then home. Finally, I might get some help around here. Really want this morning sickness to clear off now. When Jd's back it's gonna be all systems go. We are moving 2 hours north from here.... hmm 2 hours in the car feeling like this... can't wait!! Fingers crossed I'm over the worst of it by then and we can move with a litte bit of ease!

love to all,

fi, the legend that is G, jd and bun xox

HOT CHIPS AND GRAVY!!!!!!!! It's the one thing I have been craving and I finally got to eat some today OMG...... it was like having an orgasm!!! Seriously, this is the best I have felt in days and all thanks to the power of HOT CHIPS AND GRAVY!!! It can't just be from anywhere, it has to be Red Rooster Gravy.......... then you have to follow that up with Mars Bar Cookies from Coles and believe me, life is suddnely complete.... (oh and about a gallon of ginger ale as well to keep the nausea away)..... all bow down to the inventor of Red Roosters Gravy... I LOVE YOU!!!!

much love and gravy for all,

fi, miss g, jd and a very satisfied bun in oven!!!

It should only be about 3 weeks till Jd is home HOORAY!!! It's time for me to admit that I need help now. I hate admitting that one. I spent most of the night huddled over the toilet and I reckon I had about 2 hours sleep. Most of the sleeping acutally occurred on top of the toilet!! I somehow got G ready for school, took her to school, did the washing, went back to the hospital to pick up my test results, pre cooked dinner so I can just microwave it for G. I did try and sleep today but the phone decided otherwise! I really am hoping that tonight will be a little bit better and I can get some sleep!!!! Having Jd home will make a big difference. I know he'll try and help out where he can which will be heaven sent to me!!!! I am so grateful that him and I get to speak everyday. I swear some days it's the only thing that gets me through all the nausea and vomiting. Poor bloke's got no idea what he's in for when he gets home. Fingers crossed that the morning sickness has eased off by the time he's back. The morning sickness didn't stop until 12 weeks with G...... sheesh, even the mere thought of feeling like this for the next 6 weeks is enough to send me back to bed!!!!

Thanks once again to Minti Mum's who have supported me. It really is appreciated...... A special thanks to Dee (Boredmum)..... that chat we had on msn before I had my scan really meant alot to me..... thanks dee... you really are a star!!!!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun xoxo

P.S Oh, and thanks to all lovely people that have sent me gifts........ You guys really are something special!

JUST FINE!!!! BUB IS FINE!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAAYAYAAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYA

I am 5 weeks and 5 days and I got to see little buns heartbeat. A healthy 110 beats per minute thannk you very much. The pain im having could be from two things. A urniary tract infection or the fact the my uteurs has moved slightly to the right and is pushing on my ovary!!!! Thanks to everyone who kept everything crossed for me... time to uncross it all and breathe a sigh of relief.... Now I'm just waiting to tell the most important person.... JD..... come on phone ring!!!!!!

love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun that is FINE!!!!!!

Well I managed to the survive the night without throwing up YEEHA!!! Thank god for the pills the doc gave me. Morning sickness is still with me pretty badly...... I really hope that ends soon. I'm pretty lucky that I have the next few days off work. It will give me a chance to rest and slowly clean this place up.

As most of you already know today is the day of my scan. I have everything crossed that it's all ok and that bub is growing in the right spot. I'm really hoping that they see something this time. Jd's already rung me 3 times this morning and is now trying to get some sleep. I know he's worried and I know that he absolutely hates being away at this point in time. I'd love for him to be here too but whatever the outcome of the scan, I know I'm going to be able to deal with it. G has been my little rock again and was brilliant yesterday while I was fighting deseprately not to throw up everywhere. She really is one of the sweetest kids I have met. I know I'm a little biased but she really is.

Mum will come and meet me up at the hospital once she's picked up G from school which will be good. I think I'm gonna need someone there no matter what the news. I am thinking the worst right now. I have been trying to stay positive but it's really bloody hard. I'm just going  keep crossing my fingers that everything's alright and that bun decides to show him/herself today.

To the members that have tried to call me sorry but morning sickness is ruling my life right now and talking on the phone is something that doesn't mix well with that! Everytime I open my mouth I feel like throwing up! So for the moment it's best to just stick msn and emails please. Sorry again but typing is a lot easier for me than talking at the moment.

So at around 3:00 today I should know what's going on.... wish me luck... I think I'm gonna need it!

love to all,

a really nervous fi xoxo

I've been feeling terrible all day..... started up last night and hasn't left me.... you know that feeling ladies. It's like motion sickness except you're not going anywhere! Ate something before and now I'm battling to keep it in me. Somehow I managed to survive work..... not sure how. Actually, think it's only beause of the maxolon I took this morning. I had severe morning sickness with G and now it seems to have reared it's ugly head again. I hate feeling like this cos it stays with me 24 hours a day. So there we have it... the dream of no morning sickness was just that a dream. I swear, whoever came up with the term "morning sickness" must of said it as a joke!!! Or maybe a man came up with it. If I was only sick in the morning than I could cope but not for me NOOOOOOOOO.... has to go all day and all night.... it's gonna be a looong night!!!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun who has decided to make mum very ill xoxoxo

Although the pain has eased a little I went to the doc's to have a check up. It's gonna be a long couple of days waiting. My ultra sound was booked for Friday but he wanted me to see if I could get it earlier. The only time they can make is 3:00 Wednesday afternoon. He wants to rule out the chance of an ectopic pregnancy. He doesn't think that there is a high chance but wants to rule it out anyway. So I have to have an internal and external ultrasound. Maybe nothing is wrong, maybe something is. Guess I won't be finding out until Wednesday arvo. I wish tomorrow was Wednesday. I wish jd was here but wishes don't often come true now do they. I hope and pray that my one wish does come true. That there is nothing wrong with bun, that it's just me being a paranoid, weirdo freak. I feel alright in myself but I know that there is something not quite right.... somethings not 100%. Looks like I'm going to be doing a lot of hoping, praying and finger crossing over the next day or so...

love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun ( i really do hope that you're alright bun) xoxox

Well fairly soon anyway. It made my day being able to speak to him for longer than 2 minutes! He rang to wish me a Happy Mothers Day and to speak to G. G now has a special job to do. He has told her to watch the moon and then when it comes to the full he'll be on his way home! Bless her heart she's been waiting for the moon all day but we have cloud cover so you can't see it. It is always so fantastic to hear his voice and soon I'll have him home. Don't know who's more excited about me, g or jd! Dad-to-be is full of questions about pregnancy god love him! I know he's nervous about the whole thing but I know that he will be just brilliant. He really wants this baby and so do I. I really hope that nothing goes wrong and that we end up with a happy, healthy little bub.

This little bun is really sucking the life out of me lol! I really don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with G. Put it this way, last night I fell asleep on the couch at 7:45, woke up at 10:00, went to bed, slept the through till 6 when I was woken up with "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY" from a very excited 8 year old!, went back to sleep for another hour then finally got out of bed. Then this arvo I had a power nanna nap of 2 HOURS OMG!!!! It gets to about 1:30 in the arvo then that's me done..... have to go and sleep. So in my thinking there is either twins in this oven or giagantor as I have nicknamed he/her! At least I now have a reason to Nanna nap in the arvo hehe. Other than that I'm experiencing a little bit of moring/afternoon and night sickness but the pills the doc gave me are working as best they can. Managed to keep some food in me today hooray! The day before was just horrible. Spent the whole day feeling like I was going to throw up but hungry at the same time. The joy's of pregnancy!!! Hope everyone had a lovely Mothers day!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun/giagantor!!!

P.S Next scan this friday so fingers, toes and everything crossed that everything's fine!

There are times in this life when things happen that have no concrete explaination, no rhyme or reason. These times are often the hardest. I have noticed, as I know many others have, that there are members at the moment that are going through sheer hell. There are only so much that words can do but they do offer comfort, a smile and can be nearly as good as a hug. Reading these blogs has made me realise that there are some extremely tough women on this site. They may not feel like it right now, but I can see it in the honesty of their writing. I find it extremely humbling to be allowed into these women's lives. These women are grieving with dignity, grace and strength. These women are trying to understand somethings that no one can give a correct answer to. These women are suffering through various events at the moment but they show such true grit and determination. They are still Mothers, daughters, friends, wives, partners but above all they are women. They are showing us all that women are so much stronger than given credit for. Every woman not only this site but everywhere are inspirational in one way. To each and every woman on this site, I thank you, I am proud to know you. To the woman that are suffering through terrible pain and grief I also thank you. Thank you for letting me into what is usually a woman's private nightmare. You are strong, beautiful, intelligent and gorgeous human beings. I wish there was more that I could do to help you through this pain but distance proves to be the enemy at this time. So all I can do is dedicate this blog to you all. I find you all inspirational and I hope that you can all find that peace that every woman deserves. Thank you once again for allowing me into your world. I am humbled and honoured. THANK YOU WOMEN ON MINTI!!!!!! (Sorry guys but this one's for the ladies tonight. Just wanted to remind them that they are special!)

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun xoxox

Last night I got a phone call from the hospital..... MURPHY'S LAW PEOPLE!!! The operation I have waited nearly a year for was finally booked BUT of course now I can't have it cos I'm pregnant  Not  that I'm pregnant but  that the timing is so shit. This was my chance to find out why I have been so crook for sooooo long. So now I have to knock  back this one and then I have to knock it back again and THEN I have to go through the whole thing again. Right back to the good ol drawing board again .... So other than that I'm pregnant and hungry!!!! I have never been so hungry before... I hope that this is a good sign!!!

love ya all,

fi xoxo

Had a good chat to my doc today and he's put my mind at ease somewhat! He firstly said a big congratulations as it was thought that I may not be able to conceive again. So this makes bun that little bit extra special! He checked my blood test results and all seems to be normal. I just have to be careful on two fronts. I'm a negative blood group and if bun is positive then the risk of miscarriage greatly increases. G is a positive blood type and I had no problems with her so fingers crossed with this one. The other thing I have to be careful of is my health. As I have been sick for so long and have lost so much weight, the pregnancy may take more out of me than normal. He's restricted me (or trying to restrict me) to no more than two days of work a week!! He might want to explain that to the people I work with although I really don't think they would give a dam. He has also given me a perscription for Maxolon and folic acid. Bless him, he knows I have trouble keeping food down at the best of times and we are now waiting to see if morning sickness hits! I asked him about nothing showing up on the scan and he thinks that it's just to early. They did a really thorough scan on me and he said if there was no sign of the baby in the tubes than there is really a tiny chance that it maybe. I have another scan booked on the 16th May so fingers tightly crossed that bun makes it's first apperance! So for the next little while I have to take it easy as much as I can, nanna nap when I can and the rest is all in the lap of the gods.

Jd is really excited about the whole thing and when I speak to him I can hear it in his voice how much he wants to come home. I am now missing him terribly, think it's the hormones working there magic. He's no longer in phone range so I have to wait for him to be able to plug his phone into the skippers airel! I hate being apart from him especially now. He is my best friend and the one that can make everything seem right with just a hug. I miss those hugs. I know it's not that long till he's home again. He's estimating about the 1st or 2nd of June. It just feels like forever. I know he's trying to hard to provide for us all and for that I am eternally grateful. He's working his butt off to try and get as much money as possible before he comes home and before bun is fully baked! I know that he will be a brilliant Dad and I have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to be one big softie when it comes to bun. I watch him with G and the effort he puts in there and know that he is going to go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to bun. I know that bun has already given him so much joy. It's now my greatest wish that everything goes smoothly from here on in.

Thanks to all for the support. I know I've been more than a little paranoid in the last little bit but mostly that was me letting people's off handed comments get to me. So now it's fingers crossed for the next scan on the 16th. I'm still a little worried that nothing will be there again but am putting most of my faith in bun being healthy and VISIBLE!!!

Much love,

fi, miss g, jd and bun xoxo

It's either morning sickness or just the normal nausea that I suffer from but right now I feel CRAP!!!! Been feeling a bit off for most of the day and now I'm starting to feel that little bit worse cos I ate . Suruvived work though thank god! Feeling pretty tired but I'd say thats more to do with the cold that I have been fighting off for most of the week.

Looking forward to going to the doc's tomorrow and finding out the blood test results etc. My doc is a very calming sort of character which for me is just what I need. I've let what others have said to me really get to me when I probably shouldn't of. Maybe it's just the hormones taking over my body lol. In some ways I almost wish I had found out that I was pregnant a little bit later on. I'm just so paranoid about the whole thing. I mean it's not like I haven't been pregnant before! Having jd ask me if this is all my imagination doesn't help either! Really am hoping that the doc can give me some answers tomorrow. Really, if I'm not pregnant then what would cause 6 pregnancy tests to return positive? Why are my boobs so tender and starting to feel fuller? Where is my period? I'm 99% sure that I'm now technically 1 week late. I really can't remember the exact date my last period started. I know that it was right around G's birthday which was the 29 March. Maybe I'm just to much of a worry wort. Maybe I'm just getting to paranoid........... Sorry to bore you all but I'm really starting to wonder what the hell is going on..... In my mind I'm pregnant, physically I'm showing signs of being pregnant..... then there's the whole nothing on the scan..... think I'm really starting to drive myself around the bend!!!

Much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and the bun in oven xxo

Well judging by everything that I have read my pregnancy is travelling along just fine! Found some great websites and have done quite alot of research into the third week of pregnancy. Considering the size of the baby can fit into the size of a small pin head, no wonder nothing showed up on the scan. I was really worried that something was wrong after a couple of comments people made so I went off did some research on my own. Everything I am feeling physically is normal, I now know why I am peeing so much (OMG I had forgotten that one) and why the lady said that it was too early to see anything. So I've come to the conclusion that for this stage of my pregnancy I'll be listening more to the health care professionals more than I will be others. Don't get me wrong, I don't discount the experiences of others, NO WAY!! It's just that some thoughtless comments can make you a little paranoid. So the next step for me is the blood test results on Tuesday and good chat with my Doc. He would have to be one of the most caring Doc's I have come across. The best thing for me is that he is also and OB. So I'll most definitely listening to him. He is also into wholisitic medicine and knows all the alternative medicines avaliable. So I think I've learnt a valuable lesson this evening. LISTEN to the people that have many years experience, do my own research more and find out what I can and try and ignore thoughtless comments by others.

I've still got the really tender boobs, there is no sign of my period whatsoever and all the little twinges and pains that I have been experincing on and off are all normal for this stage of the pregnancy. So now it's just time wait and bake this little bun as best as I can.... with every hope and prayer that bun is healthy, the pregnancy easy and that morning sickness never eventuates..... I can only live in hope!!!

Much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and bun in oven xoxox

Went off had my ultra sound today and there was really nothing to see. The woman doing the ultrasound said that it's far to early to see something but we are estimating that I'm only about 3 weeks along. She did give me some good news that there doesn't appear to be any signs that I have had a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. I was pretty relieved at that considering I had a small bleed about a week ago. That had me a little concerned to say the least. She told me that she will put in her report that I am to return in two weeks for another scan. I have to go and see my doctor on Tuesday to get the blood test results and talk to him about my scan. I'm a little nervous about the whole thing. I didn't find out I was pregnant with G until I was about 3 1/2 months. So this part of the whole pregnancy thing is pretty new to me. I have read some fantastic adivce articles on the early stages of pregnancy here on minti which has put my mind at ease.

Jd still doesn't believe I'm pregnant especially now that the scan didn't show anything. I know he's all new to this and I'm trying to be patient with him but urine tests can't lie can they? He said that it all hasn't sunk in yet and I suppose it really hasn't for me either. I've got my fingers crossed that I don't get morning sickness as badly as I did with G. I went through weeks of hell with G!!! So just in case I'm going to stock up on loads of ginger stuff and after some advice some Vitamin B too (thanks mumof2b). So that's all that's really going on. Oh and my Mum has swung into full protective mode!!! She told me off for mowing the lawn this arvo. She has also said that if I don't feel like working then I don't have to go in!!! OMG I nearly passed out! So it's now just that waiting game..... waiting for the morning sickness, waiting for the next scan, waiting to see the doc and waiting for jd to come home........ SHEESH!!!

much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and the cells turning into a bun in the oven!!!

Went to the doc today and yep it's confirmed, I am pregnant. I kinda already knew cos of the 4 pregnancy test that I did. I know, 4 but I didn't believe it. Jd honestly thought that he couldn't have kids... well he's really wrong!!!

Jd is really, REALLY happy about the whole thing. He's a little bit scared, alot overwhelmed but really happy. I'm still in a little bit of shock... ok alot of shock but it's happening!!! OMG!!! I've told all my family and everyone is a little excited. My sister was the hardest one to tell as her and her partner are unable to have kids. She didn't take it quite well and I feel so guilty about the whole thing. My nanna is over the moon, mum's gone into full protective mode and me....... well I'm sick!!! Miss g had a cold this week and has kindly passed it onto me. She is very excited about becoming a big sister and I know she will be brilliant. She keeps talking to my belly and asking me how the baby is.....hehe

Off to have an ultra sound tomorrow to see if we can work out how far along I am. Also, because I had a little bit of bleeding the other week, the doctor wants to make sure that everything is ok. I'm a little nervous and wish that jd was here. G is coming with me.... it's all so daunting! I know I've been here before but it's still a lot to take in. I am happy and have fingers tightly crossed that everything's ok.

Thanks to each and everyone of you that left comments in my last blog, I really appreciate it...... OMG I'm having a baby haha!!

Much love to all,

fi, miss g, jd and the little bun in the oven xoxoxo