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This post is from from my other blog here The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?" "Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded. The gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of Birmingham. When they sat down, the gentleman ... Click here to read the entire blog post |
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This post is from from my other blog here A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector ...
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This post is from from my other blog here A Winter Statistic 98% OF AMERICANS SAY 'OH SHIT' BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM NORTHWESTERN PENNSYLVANIA AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS." |
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This post is from from my other blog here It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so true.. Julie Andrews turned 69 - To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, the actress/vocalist made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP (American Association for Retired People). One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music.' Here are the actual lyrics she used... Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up in string, These are a few of my favorite things. Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses, Polident ...
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This post is from from my other blog here May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your plumber and the IRS. May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall, and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise. May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there, may you find a parking space. May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what ...
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This post is from from my other blog here (Absolutely Brilliant)
IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's ...
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This post is from from my other blog here Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.... If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor. The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was ... Click here to read the entire blog post |
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This post is from from my other blog here "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams (1952-2001), author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy |
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This post is from from my other blog here 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... Elves", Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. Four reindeer had vanished Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The The ruts were And people had started to call for the cops, When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. , without much propriety, Equal Employment had made it quite clear, runners had been removed from his sleigh; termed dangerous by the E.P.A. ...
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This post is from from my other blog here 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary. 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable Now, of ...
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