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Standing Member » Luvmykids » Blog » Archive » January 2008

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13
Jan
2008
Luvmykids

Southern Woman

by LuvmykidsComment Published at 11:2111:210 comments0 comments8 Visits8 VisitsReport
This post is from from my other blog here

The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday
School every week. On one Sunday, an out-of-town acquaintance, a
gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking
woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and
said, Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?"

"Why yes, that would be nice," the lady responded. The gentleman
couldn't believe his luck.

On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant
in that part of Birmingham.

When they sat down, the gentleman ...

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13
Jan
2008
Luvmykids

The Wife From Hell

by LuvmykidsComment Published at 11:1211:120 comments0 comments6 Visits6 VisitsReport
This post is from from my other blog here

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector ...

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11
Jan
2008
Luvmykids

A Winter Statistic

by LuvmykidsComment Published at 09:1609:160 comments0 comments7 Visits7 VisitsReport
This post is from from my other blog here

A Winter Statistic

98% OF AMERICANS SAY 'OH SHIT' BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A

SLIPPERY ROAD.

THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM NORTHWESTERN PENNSYLVANIA AND THEY SAY,

 "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS."

03
Jan
2008
Luvmykids

Julie Andrews

by LuvmykidsComment Published at 10:1210:120 comments0 comments15 Visits15 VisitsReport
This post is from from my other blog here

It wouldn't be funny if it wasn't so true.. Julie Andrews turned 69 - To

commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, the actress/vocalist made a

special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit

of the AARP (American Association for Retired People). One of the

musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the

legendary movie 'Sound Of Music.' Here are the actual lyrics she used...

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,

Polident ...

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03
Jan
2008
Luvmykids

A Wish for 2008

by LuvmykidsComment Published at 10:0710:070 comments0 comments2 Visits2 VisitsReport
This post is from from my other blog here

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist,

your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your

urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your

plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs

and your stocks not fall, and may your blood

pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol,

your white blood count and your mortgage

interest not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to

anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour,

and when you get there, may you find a parking

space.

May what you see in the mirror delight you,

and what ...

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