well dunno if u can say things are gettin better with the relationship i still dont really know anything but he is talking to me more again that is somthing...

I am at my wits end with Chris though... right now i seem to be nothin but dirt to him even to the stage that if he sees me at school or anywhere he hides thinkin i cant see him jsut to avoid me and even at the shopd he wont walk with us. He is talkin to me and lookin at me like i am nothin but dirt at home as well... I dont know what i can do bout it when i say anything he jsut seems to ignore me or complain... I have been doing everything i can to make him happy they have hockey sign on today and he has been at band camp this weekend all of which he wants ... jsut cant work out where i am going wrong with him or anything else at the moment

Matt has been good though he is really trying to help but still cant resist stirrin up his brothers.. and well andy is /Andy he jsut cruises along runnin amok as always lol

gee all i ever seem to do is complain sorry peeps

Dam this can be hard. He says he still loves me and stuff tells me i am still and alwasy will be his angel. He is talking to me again now he is back online and i text and he replys and can call him if he says its ok. But i am jsut so scared he will push me away and find someone else to turn to. All i can do is hope wait and see i guess. As hard as i try i cant turn off how i feel for him all i have been able to do is go numb when i am talking to him so he dont see how hard i am finding all this.

still not sleeping much and still cant eat much but i am coping i think. The kids are a godsend cos they keep me so busy but at night and when they goto school it is so hard.

well everyone prob gets sick of reading how bad i am finding things so maybe i should come up with somthing else to add to my blog lol.

 

I have no idea what is going on now it seems he has forgiven me for it all i guess maybe it is the meds he is on it is so hard to tell  but I think it will be a long hard trail. I guess it will work out in time .Well i hope it does guess i will jsut have to keep trying waiting hoping and see what happens,

I wish sometimes u could jsut turn back time and make verything better. I have had the most amazing relationship with a wonderful man the problem was he is from Scotland and as i am inAus it has been hard going. I went there christmas 2005 to meeet him and then he bought his son here this christmas to meet my kids. He was here for 6 weeks and it was so amazing and wonderful. The p[roblem is after he went home he got really sick with irritable bowel disease. The doctor put him on prednisone and ever since then he has been really depressed and pushing me away. We have spent 2 1/2 years on this relationship and i have never felt this strong for anyone. I cant sleep i cant eat. And now i think i have blown it all been fighting to keep him but looks like i push to hard and last night all shit hit the fan. It started with his sister abusing me for no real reason cept blaming me for everything. His son asked me what was wrong later and i told him some of it not all but he asked a bit more about it. Then his dad found out i had said somthin and it all blew up . I wasnt gonna tell his son but he had asked and i had just been cryin my eyes out over everything and was very week at the time.

I jsut dont know what to do anymore. I love him and would like nothin better for him to be better and have everything the way it was but right now everything i do is wrong and there is nothing i can say or do to fix it. I jsut wish i could turn back the clock.

feel like there is nothin for me out there that all i touch or do will be wrong and that i am no good as a mother because i cant even keep the good in my life how can i teach the kids to do it.