I wish sometimes u could jsut turn back time and make verything better. I have had the most amazing relationship with a wonderful man the problem was he is from Scotland and as i am inAus it has been hard going. I went there christmas 2005 to meeet him and then he bought his son here this christmas to meet my kids. He was here for 6 weeks and it was so amazing and wonderful. The p[roblem is after he went home he got really sick with irritable bowel disease. The doctor put him on prednisone and ever since then he has been really depressed and pushing me away. We have spent 2 1/2 years on this relationship and i have never felt this strong for anyone. I cant sleep i cant eat. And now i think i have blown it all been fighting to keep him but looks like i push to hard and last night all shit hit the fan. It started with his sister abusing me for no real reason cept blaming me for everything. His son asked me what was wrong later and i told him some of it not all but he asked a bit more about it. Then his dad found out i had said somthin and it all blew up . I wasnt gonna tell his son but he had asked and i had just been cryin my eyes out over everything and was very week at the time.

I jsut dont know what to do anymore. I love him and would like nothin better for him to be better and have everything the way it was but right now everything i do is wrong and there is nothing i can say or do to fix it. I jsut wish i could turn back the clock.

feel like there is nothin for me out there that all i touch or do will be wrong and that i am no good as a mother because i cant even keep the good in my life how can i teach the kids to do it.