We took Candice to see her psychiatrist today.  She is going to take her off one of the medications she is on to see if the voices go away.  We are praying this works because she said the alternatives are scary.  It is rare, but there are kids out there who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia as young as 5 and schizo-affective disorder that young to.

We also found out that I was having what the Doctor calls a "Chemical Pregnancy"  and now its over.  Wednesday I started cramping like no cramps I have ever had in my life, it lasted for about 5 hours, then I started bleeding really heavy.  The sad part is we can't decide weather we should try again or not.  Is it really fair or safe for another child to be around Candice?  I am scared, and angry finding it very hard to even hug Candice, and that brings on feelings of guilt because she can't help it she is sick.

I just feel lost

I posted a help message today and thanks to all of you who responed.  It is really hard to confide in friends and family because we don't want people to be scared of Candice, but at the same time it is so hard not to reach out to someone.  We are drained, and more than a little scared.  She can be such a great kid sometimes and we try to see past the problems and have normal days, but they are getting fewer and far between.  Both of us find ourselves questioning everything we have ever done with her, in my head I know I didn't do this to her, but heart is breaking.  We are both stay at home moms, with her and doing for her 24/7, trying so hard to give her what she needs.  Sometimes I want to work outside the home, but I know it wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly to deal with her alone. 

Gonna try to get some sleep