i have had my song picked out for my funeral for years salt and pepper push it!!!! lol i love it and i wanna go out with a bang of course there will be one sad song its a mariah carey song

Glad you got a rest after the funeral. Glad you also got to soothe the wounds a little in your dear extended family.

My mum has written her own funeral - lots of singing and not much else! She wrote it a few years ago before her memory went wrong, so it will be nice to know these were written by the "real" her and not the shell that she is turning into. Think dad has written his too, and my inlaws wrote theirs last year, mostly prompted by MIL having to second-guess her late mum's wishes in the week between death and funeral - she didnt want to put us through that! She scattered her mum's ashes in a wood in Essex and we go for occasional walks through there. One day we will take her ashes there too. Me, I want a green burial I think - there is a woodland cemetery near here I quite like the idea of - leave nothing but trees! Apart from that it would need to be a celebration with plenty of music. I went to the funeral of a dear friend when I was expecting Emma and her adult children had put up boards in the "eats" area and put up old photos, and had put up some of the letters & tributes they had received (inc mine as they had asked to) and had typed up a brief history of her life, as few of us knew more than a decade or two of her 73 full years. It was very nice & I hope my life is useful enough to fill so many boards!

Me too.  I want mine to be a celebration of my life not a really sad day.  I've told my kids I want party songs etc.  I don't wear  all black to funerals now either as I think a funeral should be a happy rememberence of someone .  Yes you are sad when going to a funeral because someone you love is gone but it is good to remember them in a happy way.

yeah i lost my dad 2 and a half years ago. i feel a pain inside, but i think of my mum who was married to dad for 60 years. we visit her but at the end of the day she is alone missing dad. if i feel pain how on earth can i understand what my mum is feeling

at the end of the day i have my  immediate  family. mum wont rotate and live with any of us siblings. i think she feels closer to dad in the house they shared. also its a commitment that my parents have left the house between the six of us but on the understanding that whichever parent passed away first we children would not abandon them from their home

my dad had already bought the plot that mum and he would be buried and it was opposite to where he worked for many years.he worked for the railways and the workshop is directly opposite the cemetery.

on the eve of my dad's funeral they at the cemetery wanted to change the plot because they claim they found lime rock or something . my mother got so distressed over it that we told them it wasnt an option . that was the exact spot where my dad had picked and payed for to be buried.

my husband who works in construction told them to hire the required machainery( extra cost  ) hence their hesitence b/c it was all prepaid 10 years earlier and they were obligated

honestly where is the compassion? they at the cemetary shouldnt have even brought it up they should have worked out the solution . at the time we were at our most grieving

i knew my mum would be distressed over it my sister decided to tell mum and she just completly broke down. it was the final straw. at least they came to their senses and showed compassion

flowers are beautiful. mum always cuts her flowers from her garden for dad. every fathers day there is always a rose or two blooming in my garden without fail. marg you are very compassionate and wise

cheers annie

Hmmm, mixed feelings about funerals!  My bro is a Funeral Director and i have heard the other end of it, but i have had 'close' people to me pass....grandparents and mum and they are still missed and thought of often.  I don't think it is the funeral that counts but the memories that we are left with of the person...if that makes sense!  But then if we have to have a funeral why not go out with a blast of colour and the things that brought you and your friends/family pleasure together? 

Your an awesome blogger Marg!

Sounds great Marg - and everyone would have great things to say about you!  So sad for your dil and her family - how is she coping?  I'm sure they would have appreciated you being there for others and doing what you can - it makes such a difference! 

We went to a very interesting graveyard last week and though it was historic and educational - and lets face it, funny in places, it made me sad to see all these graves falling apart - so I told my son (all of 4) - please plant a tree on mummy - or scatter me and plant a tree.  He didn't understand - but maybe one day he'll remember, who knows??  I want something to come from me - something living and colourful...

I'm so glad you were heard Marg and have a day off to rest for the move tomorrow....and i so hope you take advantage of the day off and do nothing to re-charge your batteries for tomorrow. Funeral's i feel are emotionally draining, one because they are a sad event, not just for the passing of a dear soul but for the loved ones left behind, it is especially so.

I  feel when your young the last thing you think about is death and when your older you push it to the back of your mine, not wanting to think about it. But when you have lost most of your family, it does make one think about making arrangements for one's funeral to lessen the burdon of remaining family.

I like Jess's grandma thought, of having one hum dig of a party (wake) before i go! When i lost my dear Mum nearly 19 years ago now, i decided i wanted to buried near her so went to the local council, who allowed me to pay off a plot right next to her,( Dad is also with Mum) no cemetery is nice but this one is set in a valley with green hills and rain forest all around, very peaceful.

Have also made other arrangements....don't want someone talking over me that does'nt know me from a bar of soap, like you Marg, want  everyone that knows me to talk about a happy memory, we had together....have made a tape of the music i want played, not morbid stuff, thankyou & thats put away with envelopes ( with people's names on them) and in each envelope is a letter to each person ( something personal from me).

Just thought in doing this, it would take some pressure off those left behind. I know some might think i'm strange for doing all this ( and i am ) but i feel better for doing this and they are my wishes.

Wow you have me thinking about death. I have only been to a couple of funerals so I am very fortunate. It is so hard to think what to say. Sometimes the wrong thing can come out. It is hard for everyone. Having a happy funeral sounds good in theory but it would be hard to do if people are missing you so much. And when they are young people it could be harder to do cause sometimes it is just not fair they had to die so young and we are robbed of a life time with them. It sucks funerals have to cost so much now. I'm with Arna, why can't we just have the cardboard box and a hole in the ground anymore? Everything has gone commercial!

HI Marg,It is truly a hard thing to think about about our death,but in planning our own funeral,I am sure it would take the pressure of our loved ones in such a hard time.I have often thought of getting funeral insurance as the financial burden it would be on my family.If anything were to happen to me.

Sounds like your funeral would be very moving,and a party of your life in memory of such a beautiful woman.Anyway all this talk of death and funerals is quite depressing and I am sure we all have plenty of life in us yet to see our grandchildren grow.Especially when mine decides to arrive.

                                                             Cham

Sounds like you just want to have one big party!  What a way to be remembered hey.  As for me, cardboard box, got plenty here, and buried on a farm somewhere so I can give back to nature what it has given me.

Hope the move for your daughter is a smooth one.  Rest up while  you can!

hey Marg

You scared me with the title of your blog !!!!!!!!!!

Was thinking of you and your DIL today its all so sad .

Great idea to plan your funeral though and make sure you get the send off you would have liked, i'm definitely all for it being a celebration of life rather than sadness and tears

xxx

You always know what to say and when to say it.. You have been an inspiration to a lot of minti members and I am sure to a lot of outsiders as well...  

Just a thought for your funeral.. You should do what my grandma did (although I don't think she expected to be around as long as she has been) she had her wake and attended about 4 years ago, and she is still alive and kicking.

And from a child's point of view, as I have discussed this with my parents although they are only in their early 50's I have asked them to have what they want prepared.  I know it sounds like a big ask, but you just never know what is going to happen.  My mother always tells me that she is leaving her house in a casket dad will make out of old fence posts,  but the reason I brought it up a couple of years ago was because there were people dying in my family and I could not be there.  It made me think that what should happen if my parents go? I am not there to help my sister deal with what needs to be dealt with and she will be on her own until I get there, and that is a lot of stress to go though alone.  My father has always said that if he goes I don't have to come back for his funeral but then he says he would love my sister and I to sing him into the grave.  (sorry if that sounds weired, but my family is rather unusual and we usual play these things as a joke with 30% truths to them) laughing always makes the thought a little easier to bare when you know these things really need to be discussed in the future.

Anyway I guess what I am saying is that no matter what age we are and even if we have a long time before we put our feet in the ground, it is best to plan. I have seen people suffer more because they had to deal with all the plans alone because of unexpected deaths and because of that have been unable to morn properly.   While it is not the wonderful subject to talk about it is one that is important..

For me it is very important because I am so far away from home and my parents play with tools and do weird stuff all the time, It worries me that something will happen and I can't get there straight away.  And my sister will have to deal with every thing until I get there. Its a horrible thought but it is one that pops into my head every time I hear of death.

Sorry to ramble but thanks for letting me do so...