On a night when the young are whooping it up and having fun ...you stop and realize how fragile it all is. A young girl has died this afternoon and my heart goes out to her family. I so feel for the Mother who has lost this daughter,I can't imagine no more warm embraces. For the Father that won't walk with her to give her away at her wedding,for the siblings that have lost a sister. No more sharing silly secrets. She was to have general surgery and be home,what in God's name went wrong? I don't know the family or the child but I know how my daughter feels tonight...I got to hug her. She teaches the grade 10 and it's her duty tomorrow to tell the class why the seat is empty. Her first duty in telling of a death. She is an emotional wreck and I told her you can show emotion,why would you not?  I have shed tears all night because I feel the pain. She was just into her teens and life was just to start unfolding. How cruel,how harsh,how unfair. The family must be in shock. I can't imagine their pain. I so feel for them.

I'm sitting here thinking silly thoughts,how unusual! The truck's outside the window here with it's load of split wood and I'm thinking I'm glad it came from deadfall as I wouldn't like to get heat from trees taken alive. I think we need to have connection to things in that manner to appreciate our surroundings. To walk through the woods and wonder at the height of and the lodging these wonderful trees give is a treat,a gift. To breath deep of the air cleaned by the trees and to be in the woods as the sun rises is a wonder. You can feel it,if you are deep in the woods you can feel the change in the air as the sun hits the trees. Have you ever done that? Just sit and rest looking up as the sun hits the tips of the trees and travels down? You see the contours and the rough bark gets highlighted,the shadows cross and recross as the sun lights the branches on the way down. You may see a glisten in the fresh sunlight,sap that has been freed by a birds beak. You may see pollen released as the sun heats the cones and it floats down in colours. Some is yellow,bright and pure,some is golden,mature and fertile,some is rust and lingers on the needles and floats softly landing on the bed of moss. This one spruce was little,a sappling when the natives were travelling through this north country. Travelling through without the paving and cement that man forced through the north. Maybe this sappling was bent by a moccasin stepping gentle with canoe over head to reach the lake. Maybe this tree when in mid life hung food while they camped over night. Seeking to save it from night preditors. This one tree may have witnessed the first cuttings and because of it's true straight nature was spared because its beauty was to be left to admire. The life of this one tree is to be honoured because it is,it is there against all odds,it gives so very much and it enriches the earth without asking anything. So I think these thoughts and wonder what this day will bring as we all go forth into it. We need to honour each day as it is the one and only in our travels through our lives. True Blessings to all.

Hummm,doing a night blog,this is new for me!!! I picked up this record and listened to it during the time of being totally abandoned for the four days. <------ Shameless ploy for sympathy,heeee,heee! Did it work??? Ahhh,thought not,you're all too clever to fall for that! LOL!!! But...worth the try!!! Anyhooo,done with goofing around...for now. I listened to Neil Diamond in a original sound track from Jonathan Livingston Seagull. The music and orchestra totally blew me away,I was just thrilled with the piece. What I picked up as an interest I think now is a treasure...well worth the 99 cents,I'm a big spender! If I had more I'd spend bigger but you still couldn't surpass this at any price. I thought the sentiment and power of the music to be very emotional.

I never read Jonathan Livingston Seagull but thought my daughter could fill me in. After listening to the story through the music I was intrigued. I clearly remember her two brothers teasing the daylights out of her for reading it. But she was working on something and could not remember how the story went.

It starts with the most richly joyous music. The first voice sings "Be". I loved the line...We dance to a whispering voice    overheard by the soul    undertook by heart   and you may know it     if you may know it. So powerful and so moving. I couldn't take the needle off the record,I intended to just see what the record was but I was hooked,totally hooked.  The next music feels to be adventurous and thrilling , reaches this high and then takes you down.  Then "Dear Father" is sung and seems to be so very sad. Defeated,it sounds like a defeat of spirit but the song just says    we dream   we need. "Skybird" seems to be a movement through life,the taking flight ,expressing joy,delight in the moment and life's end. The music is so totally expressive and takes you through the story but I'm not sure if I got it right because the end felt like Jonathan doesn't make it??? How could that be,that's not a happy ending and even though I don't know Jonathan and I'm wondering is he a seagull,I want him to make it...but I don't think he does. The music transports you and makes you think of flight and wings,of trials and falls and effort and life.

So now I need to find out what this is about for if reading the words is half and powerful as the music,it should be worth it!

Well,I did something smart for once and didn't go up to the cottage. Hubby left last wednesday and even the dog got to go. I was looking forward to our week cutting wood and doing the fall clean up but thought health wise it would be better to stay. If other people went up I didn't want to pass germs on. So, quiet house...oh very quiet house!!!

Last night it was windy and rained which fallowed a whole day of on and off showers and wind. This morning as the sun rises the little bright yellow leave of the locus trees are stuck to everything! A plague of oval poxes covers all the cars and pavement. The elements are feeling and turning to fall,very cold nights and the days are still lovely when the sun's out full like this. HAlf the trees are bare and the other half in high colour. I think they'd probably be bare up north. Hope everyone enjoys this beautiful day! Take care

Minti is the place

Ladies are the ace

that live life with grace.

Need I go on? How could I go wrong?

Our Janice never sings a sad song,

She knows what it takes to stay so strong!

cazza running days so very long!!

How many friends can have Minti on?

Our emmie is one that is so fond

 always having that computer on.

Spying Lui and cute Jaydee upon

the lines and chatting just has to start!

Deb is so clever,always a lark

How is the advice always on mark???

Kathryn is gardening before the dark,

Jessie know's how to light up that spark!

Nell is on life journey just begun,

Crystal is wishes, that she has spun.

Izzy has diapers that she has hung,

Ladies so lovely,every one.

Dramamom cuddles her little son,

Sandra,so quiet, love her a ton!

So many,so special under the sun,

Naming the names I've just begun,

Never ,ever could name everyone.

Sad attempt I know ,but everyone adds their own flavour or as one wise woman once stated it,our spice rack,Lui is so clever!!! LOL!! I have been given wonderful support. I have learned brave from so many that have gone through so much but still live and give and love. Bravest are the women that have had little support in their lives and yet are such giving and loving Mothers. I give you total respect for doing the hardest job in the world so very well. There is a special bunch here and I treasure you so very much. I respect the Ladies here and I have a bond that is so very special with some and I look forward to learning more from everyone and knowing more people here. The world is so very exciting and wonders abound. But the true wonders are wonderful people.

 

This has been an interesting write for me. The emotions are all still there,very real and very strong. This has been hard, to open them up and lay them there. I always talk about intent,my intent was to write honestly and let it just come so it would be honest. I thought I was doing this so people could see that you can face and get through horrid times and move on to better times. But I see that this was for me too. If you face the ghost ,he can't scare you. If you look at the wound in clear daylight you see what it needs to heal. I didn't even know that the wound was this deep. It still hurts so.

My son was going down hill. He had had several operations all taking away a part of his body. His care was so negectful in the hospital that it had me worried. He was put in palative care. We had made the journey of them denying care,to out patient care where he sat in a chair and had his chemo and came home. One day he talked himself up to go. It was not easy to go get hooked up for tourture and it did ravage his body. We waited over half the day,waited with him getting more and more tense. Mid afternoon they came and told us to go home..that was it. Go home,no reason ,no we're sorry,nothing. So his chemo didn't happen, so what of the schedual  that's so important he be on?  It was their tone..one of total lack of interest. This was so hard on him. To sit all day in a room packed with others hooked up, so ill and reacting so violently to the drugs, but his illness was on public view as they allowed visitors to walk in and out. Inhuman. Totally inhuman. He had the highest doses ever given due to the stages and amount of cancer through him. To throw up in front of others was braking his spirit and this boy had a lot of spirit. He was so allergic to the drugs,something they hadn't dealt with before. He got so ill that it was decided that he be hospitalized for the rounds of chemo. Palative care is a word that to me meant the end. We will warehouse you until you die. Plative care. What care? They wanted to push him off to a nursing home.

Enough. Enough,enough,enough. This boy deserves to live,this boy deserves a chance, he at least deserves some dignity.

We talked with his girlfriend,we launched a ...get him out of this hospital.... get him somewhere were they care if he lives. That week we moved my son to a hospital in Toronto. He underwent weeks of chemo and they took care to control the allergic reactions. He couldn't eat and we'd try to bring in anything we thought he'd eat. Turned out greasy old McDonald fries was something he could take a little of. He wanted to stay in the hospital close to home as he knew the costs were mounting and we found it hard to handle everything. Financial worries shouldn't even enter into this but they did. The reality was that they did.

My son came home and I found myself trying so hard to take care of him. Our dog never left his side. That dear animal was keeping guard the best he could. Watching all the nurses,watching all the meds,watching all needles. He stood over this boy he loved and never was far,always circling back to his spot beside him.

My son worked at a factory and tried to keep up his university until he couldn't . He never complained, he never yelled or screamed or did anything other than remain calm and quiet. I was raging inside,at every down turn at every loss cause there really wasn't any good news for three years. He tried to live his life and continue when he was strong enough but as the chemo continued he lost his hair and his strength but he never stopped. So after all the drugs and after the move to this hospital they were going to try stem cell regeneration on him. I froze and I could feel from him that he doubted this was the best road for him. He started researching. The plan was to havest his blood and seperate it taking out the cancer cells and return the blood to storage. He was to be treated with mega doses of chemicals killing off all his own blood making capablities. Then from a bone marrow transplant havested from him they would keep him in germ free enviorment for three weeks and slowly reintroduce his own cleaned marrow and blood to him. I was in a state of panic. Sheer horrified panic. Had to keep it to myself but I could think of nothing other than this and everytime i did the panic set in. The months passed and they harvested his blood and everything was set. The day before this was to start my son went down several floors in the hospital and walked into a surgeons office. The Doctor was on his way out,on holidays. My son explained his case and asked this Doctor what he thought. He sat down and talked to my boy...the reasearch was about to pay off!

Because my son was over the age of majority I had no rights to information. This was hard as my son didn't want to talk about anything to do with his health. Boy it was hard not knowing what was going on! It was also very hard when he was living at university,I so wanted him home,under my wing. But that's not what he wanted and he needed to be independent. He was home a lot in home care and I felt calmer knowing that I kept up on everything and I doubted that he did. So we went into this operation the two of them devised without understanding it all.

The surgeon had done one operation similar to this one. The day that the stem cell treatment was to start my son went in for his operation. I had gone with him to talk to the anesthetist. The Doc looked and relooked at his charts. This can't be right??? He looked at my son. A slow grin came over his face and he said to the doc ...well no one ever accused me of doing things the easy way. The doc listed off the cancers that had invaded my boys body and looked at him in amazement. Yup,he grinned again, that's me! They launched into scienfic names and chatted and the doc talked to and treated my son as an equal. It was interesting to see the ease between them,I didn't understand what they talked about,just caught the odd word that I'd heard before.  They went into his office and I waited outside thinking of what the past three years had been. They emerged laughing and still talking and he took my hand and told me ...quite the boy you have there. I nodded the tears spilling down. I think we need him on our team,think about joining us. My son laughed deeply and said he'd think about it. He wished us the best for the morning.

 We arrived at the hospital early in the summer morning and there started the longest day of my life and of the family's. In this operation they would basically open my son up,spilt his chest and disassemble him. His lungs were deflated and lifted out,the same with all other organs. The masses were removed from his lungs,his heart,arota,kidneys,liver, all through him. These huge masses that didn't respond to chemo or will power that were sucking the life out of him were cut out. They misjudged and had to attack more aggresively than planned so the pain control was useless for him. The 9 hour mark passed. Surgery was taking longer than they had figured. At 10 hours one of the surgeons came and talked to us. I remember teams of surgeons,and still alive. At 11 hours I was tense, not breathing wondering at 12 the same.  I got up and walked out of the room. It had been 13 hours and I felt numb. I hadn't left the room but I walked to the evelator.  The doors opened and there was my son. His eyes were opened and that was the most beautiful sight. He was cut from his neck to below his belly and tubes and equipment was all over him. His eyes were registering the horrific pain he was in but his eyes were open. He was in intensive care for one week,touch and go. The operation had had to go further than what they figured so he didn't have pain medication as the stint was set to low in his back. It must have been horrid,so horrible. The first day out of intensive care we made the trip in to see him in his new room....damn!!!! There he was sitting on the end of the bed, with his backpack ready,dressed...telling us he was coming home. Talk about panic. We arranged for his girlfriend to bring him home that evening as her Mom is a nurse. So there he was,tubes stints drainage and I'm to take care for him. Panic!  I did,don't know how but I did.

I've left out a lot like when the first hospital made him put on his own shoes after abdominal surgery before I got there to bring him home and he opened up at home and we had to rush him back,or a lot of the things that was done by the hospital,I touched on some. People going through this need care. Good care in order to survive. The family needs care too. I was told that a lot in my sons condition are left,just left by themselves by families that can't cope. My son survived because he chose to. His spirit found the way and sought the right help for him. We fought for him and he stayed strong. I don't know how he stayed so strong. I hope this ,besides being something I wanted dearly to share, helps some one see that you can get through horrid times and come out better. My son went to the Artic the next year to swim under the ice to collect samples for his work. He got bit by a moray eel of the coast of Australia the next year and has a wonderful scar to tell the tale with!!! His scar is starting to lessen down his chest but it's a scar of honour. I so honour this boy and his spirit and his being and I am forever grateful I got that dance with him at his wedding. He danced with me to What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong, he said...Mom I thought you'd love this best.

 

I would like to apologize for being self indulgent. I mentioned my pneumonia cause I'm feeling so crappy and I worried a lot of people. I so thank you for the well wishes and it means a lot to me but I will be fine. Everyone has their own worries and to add mine to yours is not fair. I have to see if I can clear on my own because of life threatening allergies to antibiotics because I've been here so many times. I feel there is a slight improvement ,still feel like crap,whine!!!

I titled this absence of health because for some reason ,I chose that! My son had an absence of health,as in temporary,as in good health would return. If anyone asked me it was ...my son has a temporary absence of health. I didn't know why that came out but it did. Absence of health. Actually I clung to that,I held onto that. I was his Mother and I was powerless to help him. I was his Mother and I allowed this to happen. I was his Mother and I couldn't take it away,I couldn't make it better,I couldn't do anything..I couldn't lose him.

Funny but you spiral down and it was so dark. About the time I decided that absence of health was what I would use my eldest son stepped forward. He's a strongh minded lad and he did what he does best. He drew the troops together. He summond the game plan and that was that. We were there and positive and attack!!! There it was. Within days we had the news,and had the plan. Now about the medical community... I went to the doctor that we had seen first and informed him that the doctor we saw in Toronto had  no problem with starting treatment. Everything he said I countered with a strong defence. I am not a forceful person but the life of my son was in the balance and I would confront,fight and do anything even though I really had no idea what to do. What I did know was that valueable weeks were slipping into months and we still didn't have treatment started. So a meeting was set between this doctor,myself and my son and his girlfriend. All the horrid facts and numbers and everything was set before my son. It was his life. The doctor had been put clear on what I expected and I remained quiet.

My son had showen remarkable restraint. He never raised his voice. He never asked for anything but I did. I asked that they try. At least try. My son looked up and quietly said,I'd like to try. After all the horrors had been explained and the sheer hopelessness of it had been put out in the open,this beautiful young man was willing to go through it all to stay alive for a little longer. My eyes filled and I was trying so hard to keep my over abundant emotions in check. So it was to happen,it was decided....finally.

I came home and I cursed the powers that be,I cursed the heavens and hell and I cursed myself that I couldn't take this on myself,for him I would have, for anyone I love that much I would have. But for my sweet baby that wouldn't harm anyone I thought this all so very unfair. I cried by myself with my dog leaning on me. He thought I was dying because I thought I would die.

It was a very hard time . It was just us,we had no family other than our five kids. There was certainly no support from the hospital. Their care was so much less than what you would hope for and expect. At times it boardered on criminal!  When my son was in for a round of chemo they allowed his bag to empty,I called the nurse,the I.V. bag was low...yes ..we'll be there. They weren't and I went to get them. They would come but didn't . The I.V. sat empty and they took over 20 minutes to come. By then his stint had closed and they pushed it back and forth in his arm causing such pain. They tried to start it so they wouldn't be called for allowing it to stop. My sweet daughter that loves her brother so much looked into his eyes and read the pain he was in and fainted. She hit her head on the register in the room and I couldn't wake her. The help I got???? You have to take her to emerg. ,we won't handle that here. They wouldn't help my son at all. He wanted to get washed and was too weak to do it himself,he needed his bloodied shirt changed and they wouldn't do that, he went a week in the same shirt when he was feeling so aweful and throwing up all the time. I watched my beautiful son go through hell. He didn't react properly to any of the meds and had allergic reactions to them all. He swelled so that this lean strong boy looked so terrible,he couldn't keep down anything and was so ill. And we didn't know what to do or how to do anything for him. It was terrifying . And yet through all the total hell he went through he never complained. He never raised his voice,he never really asked for anything and most surprisingly he never once said ..why me?

 

Maybe because I'm very sick right now I really want to write about the thing that has affected me the most in my whole life. My **** lungs are full and breathing is so hard and I've been here many times before. Basically it sucks.

Six years ago my life,my world fell apart and there was nothing I could do. I was helpless and ineffectual and lost,so lost. We all were in shock as my beautiful son relayed to us what had been found. This boy was,as a child, a bundle of mischief,always into everything but he'd look at me with those big brown eyes and my heart melted. Didn't matter what,didn't matter why,I fell in love to the bottom of my soul when he looked at me after he was born. I'm so very blessed to have had that four other times in my life,a rare and true gift to be bestowed on you. He was active and busy and above all the sweetest, gentlest soul. He was my nature boy,always with some critter or other...often in the house!! He loved his fish tanks and forgave me when I brought in those puffer fish that I thought were so interesting. They grew quickly and ate the other fish, who knew??? He loved the fish that set up home in a coconut in the tank and actually took care of the babies they had. All very interesting. Well this boy took on chores and worked hard and he was always so interested in gardening and science and everything else. He had a gentle teaching way about him and shared what he knew with anyone interested. He looked just like his Dad in so many ways but I could see my Dad in him too. He excelled in anything he did,school, his running and was just a sweet boy in all ways.

He drew us together and said that the back ache he had experienced was more than that. He had just bought his very first new car and while going straight through a green light and new driver in a large old cadillac and turned into him. T-boned the car and distroyed it. We were so thankful the car had airbags and my son was O.K.. But he wasn't. The pain continued and I urged him to go to the doctors. That was when he told us that he wasn't healthy. My boy that loved the outdoors,never took drugs or drink and that didn't smoke was not healthy. He had metastasized masses throughout his body. He had cancer.

Our world spun. The thought of not having this young man in our lives was so painful. The pain was beyond what you could possibly know. I had gone through the pain of losing both my parents and friends and other family members but this was so different. This cut your heart up and out and didn't let it beat. You couldn't breath,you couldn't think. He then made it so much worse,he told us the truth. In a calm clear but quiet voice he said we have to wait for the tests to come back. So he had been dealing with this on his own. My heart broke more. We floated through the wait. Floating underground in some dark place,waiting,not living ,not wanting to live. The news came back and snapped us into the cold harsh reality of the light. He had not one but four cancers,all different. He had gotten to stage four in each. His young healthy body had given no signs until the end,near the end of his young life. We were told it was hopeless,he had a five percent chance of surviving.

Cancer hits everywhere,everyone and you're hard pressed these days to find anyone not touched by it. But I felt I had failed my son. He had had checkups but who looks for this in a young boy? How long had it been there to get to the stage and size it was? He had baseball sized tumors everywhere inside him. He was such a lean tall boy how could they not have been caugh? How did he deal with all the pain? How would we deal with it?

First we had to deal with our feelings and then deal with the medical profession that did not want to try. This boy who went out of his way to help and aid anyone was not going to be given a chance? No they said,too far gone,no chance,no reason to believe there would be any outcome other than what the facts stated. My son was going to die.

No,no,no. I wanted to scream,I wanted to die,I wanted to kill,I spun,I raged. All inside,all these thoughts deep inside. I felt the cold harsh reality. I didn't know what to do. I looked at all I had been through in this life and all the times I could have and was suppose to die and the powers that be wanted to take my son? NO!!! I went to the next appointment with my son and his girlfriend and I sat there. I hated this man in his little white coat. I have never harmed anyone in my life but this guy...I could have taken him apart with my bare hands...and enjoyed doing it. Did he know who this patient was? Did he know his soul? Did he think that he was to be excused from this life so easily??? After remaining calm and quiet I talked to this man. After he said ...well,looks like your Mom wants treatment to start right away! I didn't like his tone,he mocked me. That's when I stood  up and looked him in the eye and said ...Yes....what do you suggest? I think at that point the little guy feared for his life. He turned to my son and launched into the effects,the chances,the horror of it all. He kept his back turned to me until he had said it all. My son was quiet,his wonderful gentle girlfriend in shock. I said.....So??? When and how fast can we start?

It wasn't that easy. I had to find help. I looked I tried everything,I finally found help in a wonderful woman that a girl that knew my youngest son had as a caring Mom. She stepped in and found a doctor in Toronto that would see my son,Hope!!! Our hope was dashed when after our appointment  the doctor himself had to leave his pratice because he had cancer. This lovely caring man that was willing to help my son could not help us. He had the fight of his life ahead of him. He lost that fight and the world lost a truely caring man that had healed so many but not himself. So very sad.

This is an emotional journey for me as I haven't relived or revisited it at all. I might write more but my son is here! Give all your loved ones a huge hug.

So...a cute little pixie we all know and love thought it was time I blogged. If you only knew !!! I have nothing to say! I know !!! How totally odd,hee,heee! So let's see.Early this morning I got up to the neatest storm. High winds blowing the bright yellow,red and orange leaves off the trees and swirling them in mid air. The flashes of lightning lite everything for a moment and it was a odd and beautiful sight. It's calmed down now and I'm sitting here so sick. Everything goes right to my lungs,so high temp.,trouble inhaling...poooo. I've had pneumonia so many times and came close to dieing from it three years ago,touch and go for two weeks in the hospital,in and out of consciousness. So trying to take it easy but did too much yesterday. Me sick!!!

The one event that was so neat was last weekend. My dearest DIL,a truely wonderful spirit,invited me to go to her first preaching job at her old church,the one she attended as a child. The place means a lot to her. It is a beautiful building,before the turn of the century,just what you'd expect in an old church. The massive organ that fills the front of the church,the leaded windows with rich interesting scenes on them allowing the coloured sunlight to flow over the massive wooden pews,all very inviting. I'm not what you would call a church person but this church I do have a tie to. My son and daughter in law were married there. I have a strong connection to the formal hyms of the church as they draw me to my Grandmother who loved her church. So this church is not in my hometown but in a former home town so the only vechicle running is the huge and some what ornery one ton van. The thing is huge...likes it when it's driven by my Hubby but I really think the thing dislikes me...probably over heard me bad mouth it. That could be it as Hubby talks lovingly to the over powered gas sucking thing. It has massive one ton air shocks that Hubby loves..and super trailer hitch brakes and all them there extra do daps. The thing rides like a attraction ride if the shocks are high,even poor dog can't take it. I discovered why when we went to the town over to see a movie and I sat in back!!! Good god Ye all! Hang on for dear life! Rides perfect if there's a ton of equipment in it...but this day it's empty. Good! Off I go by myself cause I want to be there. After 40 minutes I scurry up and find my place and it was lovely. My DIL speaks from the heart and truely believes in the path she is on. She feels the call to be a minister so I support her. After the service the buzz is the people shaking hands and talking and slowly leaving the church for the rest of their Sunday to start. I spotted my Dil during the service becoming emotional so I gave her that look! She knows it from me...haaa,haaa, the "You don't say?????? Look! I could tell she read it like that. But know I see her moving among the people in total comfort enjoying the contact. The talk is about themselves,the families,the events, the surmon. She moves towards me and is caught up again! Over all she is so relaxed and is grace itself. Then,when she finally got to me I was so pleased to see her and ...of course..get my hug! I invited them to come to the house before they headed back to their home but they had forgetten a trip they had to make so they would come down to our place next visit in. So off I trotted to haul myself up into the van. Big van was nice to me...after all I'd just been to church!

So the surprise was later in the evening when DIL and son dropped in when I knew they didn't have the time. She gave me a bundle of flowers??? I couldn't believe my eyes when I unwrapped the most beautiful roses in all the hues of pink! Dark ones,intensly pink ones,soft gentle pinks and one almost blue and one almost purple. Just an amazing group of flowers. I was so taken a back cause the note said thank you so much for all your support. Support is something I would never think to be thanked for. It rather surprised me because it just something you do...cause you love and care for that person. Because their success and happiness is important and because you want to do it and be there. Every time I go by my roses I smile. Every time I think of my roses I smile. They are starting to drop petals now . It will be hard to let them go. But the words I'll carry close to my heart forever. She said to me when I thanked her for the surprise and too generous gift...."My heart just leaped for joy when I saw you there. " Now those are words that will be in my heart forever. Don't I have the world's best daughter in law???

Wow,this was an interesting e-mail to get from Angela! I've been thinking of something terribly clever or profound but guess what....got nothing!LOL!!!! So seems to me..the way to start is answer the questions.

Hi!!! I'm Marg. I live in Canada and basically love my country and am intrigued with every other country. I have five children and like anyone who has lost unborn or born children feel the need to add  that there were three others that didn't have a chance at this marvellous life. My five are all older children that found it neccessary to leave home to live their own lives.

Minti found me! LOL!!! I was layed up and stared at the computer and decided that I should trek were I had not treked before as I couldn't trek any where.

Personality! I love the personality of Minti. It has bad days,act-up days,good days and very good days...alot like a toddler! But then it is growing and learning.

Being a parent??? Special,wonderous,ever changing,a challenge that meets you every day. Taking on the responsiblity of being there,being your best and giving your all.

I feel parenting challenges change as your child changes. First it was fear that I'd do something to impeed my childs life,calmed down and got to it!! Socializing ,teaching learning skills,stressing the importance of trying,failure and moving on with your life.Teaching modesty,acceptance,planning and giving back. Dating and again social skills,driving...that one may kill you. Teaching Mom to let go. It's a never ending learning process.

My biggest fear in parenting is that parents don't see their child.

The best advice I ever got was, " Relax!"

Angela said I didn't have to answer all the questions, but Babies first words I like to change to ,when did you fall in love with your Baby? Developmental milestones are so important and so varied but that moment when you look into your Baby's eyes and it's just a free fall tumble into the deepest and most profound love you have ever felt or could explain to anyone other than an other parent. 

My favourite song!! I love my music but that's an easy one Janice Joplin "Little Girl Blue".This speaks to me for some reason and I also love her "As Good as You've Been to This World".

The funniest thing...geeeess to narrow that one down,gotta go with the Northern Red Bellied Snake I found in the laundry when Hubby was on an important business call,or when we were entertaining and the lost lizard hunt,or the time my eldest got sick of his brothers chasing each other and filmed it to the theme of StarWars!!!

One word to sum up Minti....hummmmmm.....Mintilious! Heeee,heee!

And the best thing about Minti is the beyond wonderful people that you get to meet. The real humans that form this community and it is that,a community. You pop into Minti to check on your friends like a neighbour would,you care deeply that their pain is short,their troubles lessen by knowing that someone cares. Life and raising children is not easy. If you care about doing your job well it's tough.Having some one there that understands is important. My life has been full of those things,pain, loss,challenges but it's how you pull yourself up and through that is the end marker. The way you choose to see this world and be seen by this wonderous thing that is your life. The true marker is have you done something that makes the Powers that be smile? Haaa,haaa,I got a forum to be yappy! Thank you I truely feel honoured because of those that are here.

Thanksgiving all ready! Wow,I LOVE Thanksgiving! I love the colours of the trees,the beautiful days,the cool nights,I love the crisp smell of fall. I love the first frost and the leaves sailing down and covering the ground in beautiful colours. I have so very much to be thankful for. I'm glad I'm still here after the Christmas thing,I'm glad my kiddies are all well,I'm glad my husband still brings me my morning coffee and tolerates my oddities(nick-nacks and fabric,heeee,heee) . I'm thankful for people that against all odds try to make a difference. I'm glad those who have been through so much still reach out to try to help. I'm glad that the food banks have people that donate and know it's important. I'm so thankful for the people in my life. The ones that challenge you,the ones you love,the ones that need protecting,the ones you think about. People are the most important thing in my life and I love so many for so many reasons and I thank each and everyone that adds or takes away from my being. You have to acknowledge what has been taken. You must equally give thanks for what has been given. Life is a path that you direct and must enjoy the footstep that lead you along the way,it might be uphill and tough as hell,it might be free and wonderful for a stretch. Whatever it is, it is your life, the heritage that you leave, the road that you choose. Thank you to the Powers that be that have allowed the road I have had and have taught me well to appreciate every bloody moment of it! Life is Great!

I made it down to my computer and was "talking" to my dear Kathryn about trees and such and geese and Thanksgiving! Hee,heee,yappy aren't I??? Today is a bad day,beyond the pills ,beyond moving. I know I can kick my will into gear and get past this but Kathryn struck up some memories so I thought I'd share!

My Grandmother was a small but intense woman,she had to be as I looked on her as a true pioneer woman. Fiesty and talented and I admired her so. She earned the money for the family after my Grandfather was in an explosion. A train boiler blew up that he was working on causing severe burning head to foot and costing Grandpa his hearing. They had just moved into town as they lost their farm. Grandpa had broken his arm and back in the day if you didn't work that was how it went. This was the early 1910's and no social aid then! Then the depression and they held onto their home by Grandma's sewing talents. She made beautiful hooked rugs out of scrap fabric,she made dollies and runners and the most wonderful quilts you'd ever seen. Her work was famous in the area and sold as fast as she could work on them. By this time Grandpa had a team of huge horses and hired out working with them. He was a huge man for the time,well over 6 feet  6 inches and broad,a heavily built man,all muscle. I remember his huge hands and his soft gentle blue eyes. By the time my Dad was a young boy the garden was over an acre and he would help. Dad later confussed to hating gardening as he always was out working in it when his chums were playing. I can see that. But from this garden Grandma made pickles and goodies of all types that lined the pantry walls. Her cooking was beyond good! She made the best fudge ever and Holloweens were special cause she made enough to hand out to the lines of kids from all over...there for her fudge! I remember that too! Center in Grandma's kitchen was the big black shinny cookstove powered by wood or coal. Grandma hung tight to her ways and there was the biggest fuss ever when my Dad brought the water into the house and demanded that a phone and toilet be installed ...this was when I was a young child!!! So after weeks and weeks of debate Grandma allowed Dad to bring a cold water pump,like a small hand well pump to the kitchen sink,a toilet was plumbed into the basement  and Grandma had indoor water...even though according to her it was just a luxury she could do without. Into her 80's she used the woodstove and the electric stove Dad had bought her made a lovely plant stand under the kitchen window. Ha,ha,I couldn't see why the huge fuss,she wanted that way,she was happy that way...although Dad had to stop by several times a day and bring up coal. But that was fun too,The old worn bucket,the black dust,the slide were it was delivered into the cellar. I remember when the last load came,no one used coal and that was the last. Grandma was so sad. I understood,gone was what she knew,what she hung onto,her way of being. I was heartbroken for her. But she hung on,useing hardwood instead. That cookstove brought forth food you would not believe,bread pudding that was the best,goose done to mouth watering prefection,and everything that small little powerhouse did was wonderful. She made her own soaps out of the beef and fats she collected all year and in the spring in the middle of the huge garden there would be Grandma rendering down her soap over an open fire. Pioner woman,self supplying,if she couldn't make it some how than you didn't need it! She let no thing go to waste and I mean nothing! She was a remarkable woman that overcame what would have killed most. She knew work and embraced it. She was my hero and around Thanksgiving I remember her so. Thank you Grandma for showing me what can be done.

What a beautiful start to the month. Bright ,warm, sunny. What more could you ask for? I guess rain would be good. We went out to pick up our fresh produce and the place north of here was totally packed. Cars lined up on both sides of the road! We have gone here for ages and brought our stuff as we believe supporting the local farmers to be very important. But now they added some "attractions" and the place is a booming business. And the new prices reflect that! But the last fresh corn of the year is worth it and picking your potaoes up soon after they have been dug give you a potato that is a treat. The commercial harvesters they use on the corn though squish and bruises the cobs,the old hand picking gave you nicer results but then to handle the volume they now have I guess it's got to give somewhere. The drive north of the city was beautiful,the trees are in full falls colours,bright yellows,brilliant reds,deep oranges,just wildly beautiful. The fresh turned fields show how very dry it has been. The areas that I know for years have been wet spots are totally dry. The rivers barely have any water. Scary to me. They are saying it's the driest fall in over 50 years. We better hope hard for lots of snow,the kind that blocked you in your house,the kind of snow we got decades ago or the spring will be tough. The sad thing was Mr. Tom...the newest attraction. I felt for this massive turkey as I knew he wouldn't get much older. There he was in his cage eating the abundence of feed. He was white and brown and very large! Probably thinking...boy I've never had it this good...all at a price my dear bird.