I ask for forgiveness,those who know me know what's ahead...I went to the cottage and you know how I get when I'm up there... so you are warned!!! LOL!!!

My eldest son,the new Daddy ,stopped by and had a plan!  O.K.!!  What was it?  He and his Dad disappeared and left DIL and new little Grandson here!  Weeee!   Thought I...I am set!  I can steal Grandson and have a wonderful time...which I did and was indeed having a wonderful time!   Back come the men folk and lo and behold they had wrangled a new upright freezer into the van and son had ever so graciously filled the van with gas,not a cheap undertaking!   I was to get ready as we were leaving for the cottage!!!  Well being the extra fancy person I am I grabbed a plastic bag,was packed in two seconds and had food in a cooler in five,out the door in 10 minutes!  READY!!! LET'S GO!!!

The trip up was funny,dog was upset as he couldn't see us over the freezer and whined until I threatened him. I swear he understood that finding a new home for himself would be really hard as he is a quirky beast!  It was heaven to pass the familiar landmarks and make our way up to the cottage. I haven't been up for so long and my soul needs the renewal.  The land is struggling to break into spring.  The heavy snows have compressed the grasses at the road side and the new growth is just starting.  The trees are just beginning to bud so the veiw is not lush as one remembers but rather looks like winter without the snow.  The trip is almost two hours and I took in all the fields and changes all the way up.  The drive into the cottage was untouched and was littered with leaves and thrown branches showing the effects of high winds.  The water much higher but then we thought it would be.  We settled in to unpack and feeding ourselves as it was later ,we were starving and it was so great to be there.  Son had bought huge beautiful steaks and the meal was great!  We got the new freezer in and down into the cellar and decided to call it a night around midnight.

We slept out to allow dog to stay with us and not to interupt what they needed to do with the Baby.  I love sleeping outside!  We were cold at first but warm up once you tuck in,the tempature was just below freezing.  I was rather glad we were using the van as dog, late into the night, started a low growl.  The growl was much louder from outside of the van,right by my window!  I bolted to see what it was and grapped my flashlight and got out.  No eyes gleaming at me,nothing I could see.  I knew it wasn't a bear because you feel their growl,it reverberates.  This I know from zoos,I'm very respectful of bears!   Ah...darn! But something was around.

The morning had not broken and I was out!  Down to the water which is so beautiful.  This time of year the water is warmer than the air in the mornings and you are greeted by low cloulds,all mist from the water.  I scouted about the van and picked up prints off a ways in the sand.  I went down  and followed some paths and found small droppings. What leaves these?  I thought I knew but I'd have to see.  I returned to the water side and Hubby brought out a coffee! Hummm hot deeply rich warmth and the aroma and the veiw of the lake!  What could be better??  The merganzers were diving,we watched them fly in.  The heron flew over and did his slow graceful land near the shore. The silence was totally broken by a pair of Canadian geese that were in courtship dance on the water,breaking in and out of the fog as they acknowledged each other in their strange dance.  Just heaven,heaven to be there and to be taking it all in.  They swam around and around each other honking and barking and all the little head movements!  Very,very noisy as they anounce that  they are a couple and this will be there lake!!  They started at a little knoll that jutted out of the water to scoop and perpare their nest.  So interesting!!  I thought,good time for a walk,before the start of everyone's day scares off the animals so we headed down the cottage road.  We went quietly,Hubby,dog and I and as we neared the highway were Hubby would take dog for miles and I would head back I got the biggest thrill!  There,trotting up a hill was a full grown wolf.  I quietly called dog to me and showed Hubby what had caught my attention. Hubby saw him too but I caught the details.  The large head was all white with discolouring around the eyes and mouth,lean wide chest and down the back was the heavier darker coloured fur,looking bronze against the white sides and flanks. The legs were long,very tall animal and powerful as he lifted them cafefully in his paced trot. The feet huge and wide, thick and deep pads on the feet. The flanks were prue fuffy white and the tail long and hanging with white fur.  I didn't think my heart would keep in my chest I was so thrilled and so excited!!! This powerful beautiful free and wild animal was right there! Escaping my vision now,entering the forest and I felt so blessed to have had that moment to see it!  A wolf,a symbol of our nature,that of it that is left. My mind will hold the picture of that brilliant beast,trotting away to the saftey of the forest.

The rest of the day was spent looking for other critters while working away at trying to clean up from a hard winter. We saw the woodpeckers back, saw a whole flock of turkey vultures and dog scared a big huge tom turkey up just a ways from the cottage!  I think the neatest thing was..well nothing can top the wolf,but I found the first snake out.  A beautiful gater snake. I only saw him from the motion,he is near invisable unless your eye sees him move. Dog ran by and almost over it,I don't allow dog to bother the snakes. This one was bright,you could see by the eyes he had just shead. He was almost 30 inches long and looked to have just eatten or was pregnant!  It moved when dog ran by and decided to head for my foot,that looked like higher ground on the path as it had tried to curl under the wheelbarrow wheel and didn't feel safe.  I called to the guys to come see and they said,no snakes out yet,the ground's still too cold....oh yah??? So here they came to see this grand fellow!  He heard the vibrations and got a little tense but after they were looking at him he he knew no harm was intended.  Son noticed the marks on him,I said scarrring...I wonder what tales he could tell of his survival???  Son is looking forward to me teaching Grandson.. Daughter in law is worried as she is so much not a fan of anything other than dogs. One has to have respect for these wonderful creatures.  The wolf I worry about. This great beast belongs further north and has come this far south to hunt...a very tough winter. His droppings say that he has not and is not getting enough to eat.  I wish we could honour his being in some manner other than to just admire his sheer being,a force of the wild and of a free life.

The sun was bright and I was bracing for the trip...the trip across the 401. Hubby as usual was annoyingly calm. Why did I find a calm reasonable man??? Oh yes..because opposites attract!!! That has got to be it. I flap! As I have stated before because I just continually put it all out there..I am a flapper!!! Is there anyone else who flaps???? Flappers can get themselves worked up over...lets see, things not being right..as by our definition! Worrying about things to come..because that helps...NOT!!! But you do it anyway! LOL!!! When you don't have those last minutes things done and you are running about like a crazy person(no need to draw conclusions here!) to get them done and other people in the house are calm...not seeing the urgency of it all..this goes back to the annoying calmness. I know I get worked up,I know it doesn't makes sense and I know it wears you out but...flappers flap. For the first time in history my Hubby said something that although it rated a glare,yes..that type of glare,the one were you try so very hard to bore holes through your victum....he said,I know ..that's what you do! Finally he gets it!!! I didn't like the statement but finally he is not trying to reason away my flap. I don't think it can be done or I would have listened to myself and done the sensible thing years ago. Praise be it only took 35 years!!! So off we went stocked with beef,fixings for gravy,potatoes and everything for a huge salad. I took a store bought cake! Shock! Can't believe we did that but this one is sooo good,had to take it! We had a plan and it came together! Off across the huge and busy 401 and due to the intensity of my flap I knew we had everything. LOL!!! We were greated by my Daughter in law holding Sean! YES!!! He has changed so much! He is a few days over a month and filling out,lifting his little head and trying so very hard to focus on things,like crazy grinning Grandma's face! Poor kid! What a sight that must be. The delight of seeing the little brow crunch up and the eyes widen trying so hard to see this old lady that seems so intent on catching his attention. The little hands flying and he is just so hugable!!! Hubby put the roast into the oven and readied the potatoes and I put the salad together and then daughter that has just moved showed up. Great! We opened the baby gifts we brought from family members and talked and centered on Sean. Then I thought,this little guy will always have all this love around him. Always have this circle of elders to rely on. Very powerful when you think that this circle,the one we call family has withstood the times,started when man himself was new. We all have such a powerful legacy to pass on.

My day was quite normal,got out ,did some things,cleaned a bit, all the stuff you're suppose to do...well except rake,must get out and tackle that...don't want to whaaaaa!!!  But my night!!! Whoooo Hoooo! That was amazing!  Now before those of you who are so inclined...you know who you are!!! LOL!!! Think that it was anything ..well like that...I got a phone call from JANICE!!!  I was just on cloud nine! I was beyond excited and so,so,so happy!  We chatted!!!  I love her voice,I just perk up when I hear her. She has this multi-layered voice,deep and rich and soft and quiet! I love to hear her. The phone on the past calls have either echoed or been static ridden and have not been clear but last night it sounded like she was with me...right there! And she will be soon!!!  The quality broke down after a bit but I know she is right with me and I her,many times. Crazy!!! I know it seems so crazy but I really feel we know each other. Half way round this big old world is this wonderous Lady that I am going to be lucky enough to meet!!! SOON!!!!   So soon,been counting and imagining it but it is going to be real,soon! I am the most excited person on the face of this earth. We have decided we might need tissues,maybe boxes.... I wonder how many we will need??? Nah,joyful tears can just flow!

Shhhh...I wrote my last blog,and then it happened...I couldn't sign back on.  I know what happened,the little guys heard !!!   They took offence at my jabs and then I couldn't get back on to see what my friends were up to!   No seeing if Cham's house move was on or if Jess left for the tropical holiday.   Didn't have a clue how poor headless Nell was doing but I know she aced that interview.   Knew Janice would be busy visiting but still!!!   I couldn't sign on!  Cathbusymom found out when her twins are coming and Angieh might have cooked something wonderful and I wouldn't know!   Most of all I miss pictures of the sweetest little kiddies!   Love my pictures of Emma and Sophie,Chloe and Kylie and spunky little Jaydee!!!   I love checking in to see the new baby pictures of Daniel and Jake!   My computer world was missing for a couple of days because of the little computer guys.   Winnie could have been out in her yard  and might have reported on the hedgehog.   I thought ..what about allyp way out there in west Canada,has she started school yet?   s Dramamom still  around...what if she left?  What of Lilysmom, Julie and Izzy and Fi...where are they all.   Bad enough Minti is changing and the tower crew locks me out of it all!!  All these exciting changes and I know nothing( there's something new!!).   I bet Alana wrote something interesting and I missed it?  Arna and Maria,oh so many that I care to know that they are doing O.K. and little computer guys are being mean!   I love to read about and see how all the people are..even those that don't blog,you see their comments and think..oh there they are.  I thought that dear Sandra could be cold!  LOL!!!   So , I have pledged to vacumm the air intake port.  I will not talk with tones of disrespect for the tower crew,as sneaky and low down as they can be they do keep the gears turning on those little trend mills so I must pay proper respect.  Or no Minti for me!!!!

What!!! The old familiar is gone!  How upsetting.  I now feel there is more stuff I know totally nothing about.  Geeesss.  Well I am not one to dive in...as I have fessed up to before, I fear these computer things and now I am a stranger in a strange land. Gone my safe little journey. Now it's filled with new wild things that little brain is in wonder about!  I thought I had done something terribly wrong when I went to e-mail Jess through Minti!  I hate to be the one to cause my computer pain but it went dark and poppped up a box. As we have dial up (curse,curse the slowness of dial up!!!) it took a long time for the magic box to fill in...all the time I was sitting in horror wondering what I had none to computer guys in the tower on the floor that they were upset about. I thought of offering them food and remembered Kathryn's wonderful joke,but I am out of small bytes!! LOL!!! Still a good one Kathryn!  So as the young Ladies all about Minti are probably thrilled ,being so computer savvy and all,take a moment to see me run outside to the things I understand. It's chilly here this morning with the sun out bright and the birds are all singing in the backyard!!! ahhhhh,love this time of year!

Well I didn't think I would write a blog today...but geee,I have time. I send a huge thanks to Mother Nature. She saw fit in her wisdom to delay the moving of daughter. See what paying your rightful dues to our Sweet Mother gets you?? I needed a day off as I am pooped,so,so tired and I got one!!! Haaa,ha!! Insider priviledge I think!!! We got freezing rain,rain and now snow so we moved the move till tomorrow,still have to do it but a day off is a day off!!! Weeeee!

The funeral is over. We went in and payed our respect to this woman who through the picture boards at the funeral travelled and lived a very full life. She was a stunningly beautiful petite woman. Her older age still showed this beauty. We were warmly greeted by the family and close friends and I was able to sooth her dearest friend who is suffering the loss so much. I was able to help which surprised me and gave me peace. I was able to find just the right words for several people and that made the trip worth while. I hate platitudes. If you did not know the person or if you can't feel for the family then don't say anything more than you are sorry. I know how you feel is not good unless you have been married to the love of your life for 50 years and are now alone.  You are not alone as we know how you feel. Well so what!  Yes he does go back to their shared home alone and you understanding that does nothing to put sound into the emptiness. I so feel for this man who has been so strong through his life and is now so weak as part of him is gone. It breaks my heart to see how people saying the wrong thing hurts more. Words have such strength. They can put you down as if you have been hit,they can lift you up as if your worries are lifted. But to not know what to say means less said probably the better.  The daughter suffered as people tried to say she was out of her pain. Yes,maybe, but a mother still gone. No matter how prepared you are the end is still the end and facing that is one of the hardest things in this life. I found offering tea to those digging themselves in to causing more heartbreak was useful. I remember these things from the funerals in my family and the funerals I have attended. If you had the chance now to plan your own funeral what would it be???  I think I shall plan mine. Not out of a morbid sense but why not have the funeral you want!!  I have always been against thinking of funerals but I see their need.  I want food! haaa,haaa,of course,but we get together over food why not leave over food??? I ban black,no black,I want colour and lots of it. The flowers...well I so love flowers so eveyone has to have some,but not to be left behind. I want everyone to write a small memory and they are to be read. I want there to be laughter and geee,if the goings on in this family have not been interesting and some of them hysterical then the wrong family is at my funeral!!!  I think we all need to think of this,really,What is your funeral going to be like? Oh...also,no tinkling piano,I want hard blues and rock and roll!! I really want you to leave my funeral full and happy!

Well, two days of rain. Grey drizzle working away at the snow banks,endlessly eroding and turning the great white ridges into hard dirty grey ice forms. The past two days have been that ..grey days,rainy and chilly watching the rivers in the gutters carrying away the salt and sand and the last reminders of a long but wonderful winter. The hill to the park has been turned from white into a brown and slightly green hilly climb were I see bunny hop back and forth eatting the new sprouts. He thinks he is alone scanning the sky for that local hawk but I see him in the early morning light and wonder if it excites him to have fresh greens to chase here and there. He works a familar pattern that starts from his exit from the hedge and zig zags up the hill. Almost as if he is play tag with the morning light,dashing through the mist on the ground,stopping at the edge of the retreating snow. Ever watchful up on his hind lags,ever on look out for that which would interupt his morning meal. The low mist covers him further up the field and you see the effects of the morning light on the last snow. Steam like streams carry up in the cool morning air,swirling as bunny retreats down the ravine. Only the twist in the vapour sees him go. I see him too,I see him leave and also the snow,melting to run down the hill. The prue sweet last waters of the beautiful clean snow joins the torrents in the gutters racing for the rivers.  The once cold crisp snow gives way to invite the sun to warm the ground for soon there will be new delights to spy on in the early morning lights.