Sorry I haven't been around lately.  I've been doing a few hours at work to help as they are short staffed and I have been so tired and worn out I've not had the energy to go on the computer.  I just wondered if you all could do me a big favour ( this is to all of Emmie's friends) as you know she has not been able to go on Minti as she has not got internet access, however when she texted me last night she was feeling really down because of this so I just wondered if anyone had her mobile number to text her or ring her just to remind her we are all still thinking of her,  oh well you know what I mean.  I hate to see her feeling like this, so if anyone can help I'd be grateful.  Love you all Maria xxxxxxxxx

Indigestion still hasn't gone not as bad as it was before but still getting it at night and first thing in the morning.   Central heating playing up again, don't ever buy potterton boilers, I've had nothing but problems since I got mine installed.  Am enjoying my new found freedom (Daniel starting school full time) does anyone know of any jobs that can be done via internet from home, will soon be needing something to keep myself occupied.  Have volunteered to help at school and doing a few extra hours at work but will need to keep myself busy otherwise the madness (depression) will set in.  Hope everyone is ok will be checking up on your blogs soon.  Take care love ya xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi just thought I'd update you.   The blues have gone and I feel much better even though I have a cold and indigestion.  Went to work yesterday because it was Daniels first full time day at school and it was great, and today I've got the whole day to myself  Yipee!  So I thought I'd visit my friends on Minti first and then I'll grab some lunch and catch up on the sleep that I've missed.  Hope you are all having a good day too.  If not hope you have a good weekend.

Love you all Maria xxxxxxxxx

I'm really sorry everyone, having a major downer today.  Does anyone know how I can be more positive? lol.  The anxiety attacks are getting worse especially in the mornings funny this reminds me of the last time I started to build up to my breakdown.  If anyone knows what is wrong with me then please tell me I'd like to know.  So far I'm blaming it on PMT but I've never been this bad.  I just hate feeling like this and having to take tablets to stop me feeling like this,  I just want to get it all out (the anger and the sadness)  I reckon I think about things too much, the pink tabs stop that,  but they stop my brain from working effectively as well,  and then I can't do anything except dribble. lol.   Love you Em, thinking about you too.  Hope I haven't made anyone else depressed after reading this. lol. Think I'll go have a nap might feel better in a mo.  Love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I was feeling low recently but thanks to my online friends I feel so much better, I don't know what I'd do without you.  Reading some of your advice and blogs and just having you there has been great.  

Now I must get on with the housework or I'll be here all day.  Love you all lots and speak to you soon.  Love Maria xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  :)

Hi all

Have been really busy this week so sorry for not keeping in touch.  Have been having really bad anxiety attacks since boys went back to school I reckon this has to do with the incident a while back, to do with friends  and the fact that things between us mums are still not back to normal.  Feel like there is an atmosphere and I'm finding it difficult to move on.  I know this sounds pathetic cause there are people out there with problems 10 times worse than mine and I'll feel like I'm just wasting blog space.  Have taken on more hours at work in the hope that working will make things easier cause I'll be too busy to have time to think about stupid things.  I just wish I could stop churning things over in my head trying to find an answer or solution when there isn't one.  It is part of my madness, not being able to switch off that is why I keep myself so busy I completely exhaust any energy I have to think.  Now I've got that all out hope you are all ok.  Have missed you, friends. 

Hi all

Back to the old routine, school runs etc.  Quite enjoy the kids being at school because I actually miss them when it's time to pick them up.  Enjoying my freedom at the moment trying to get work but no one seems to be getting back to me.  Only thing I hate about the old routine is the playground politics, you know the clicky mum groups. Well I suppose I'm just jealous cause I'm not part of them.  How is everyone else coping?

Just thought I'd mention boys were ok with each other today at least they are more forgiving than their parents.

Why do I always apologise for things that aren't even my fault.  Just realised they haven't bothered to apologise to my son for hurting his feelings, have they.  Sorry but if they are going to get stupid about the truth then tough.  I don't need them and nor does Alex.  I'm sorry but I just can't go around doing things and not expecting anything back.  It's like going to work and not expecting to get paid.  We all do things for a reason otherwise they would be no point in doing anything at all. 

Tried to make amends for the fact that my son Alex told his friends yesterday that he did not want to talk to them cause they didn't invite him to their parties (the mess).  Then felt today like nothing I tried to do could make things right.  Any suggestions anyone? Should I stop interfering and let things lie, or do I invite them to tea in the hope they will be friends again?  I have just had enough of birthday parties and crap, too many people get hurt when they are not invited.  I just don't get the etiquette rules of friendship (where kids are concerned) am I supposed to invite them over but not expect them to do the same back? Or maybe I shouldn't invite them over and just let them be friends at school?  I just want my son to have friends and not be alone, so I think I'm helping by inviting them to parties and to tea.  Am I doing the wrong thing?

As you already know, got myself into a state a few blogs ago about friends etc.  Anyway today the first day of Alex's secondary school, one of my friends knew something was wrong with me so she asked me what was wrong so I told her.  And anyway it turned out I was adding 2+2 and making 6.  Oh well glad I got it all out in the open so it wasn't festering away.  Just a word of advice to anybody out there in case it happens to them when you jump to assumptions about things please don't tell your kids they just make matters worse lol.  Anyway feeling much better now, even though I feel like an idiot its better than thinking everyone hates me. 

Hi Emmie sorry I haven't contacted you sooner spent most of the evening clearing up the mess.  Thanks for listening to all my ranting. Love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Feeling really anxious today, it doesn't help what happened yesterday.  Sleeping on it hasn't helped much I still feel angry.  I feel like asking all the people who I consider to be my friends (shool mums) whether they really are my friend or not cause I'd rather not be wasting my time on them if they're not.  Omg seriously need my chill pills better go take them and see if it makes me feel better.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has commented on my blog you've made me feel so much better, I don't know what I'd do without you.

Hugs Maria xxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)

Just made a phone call to a few friends (who I thought were friends)  and just realised what a two faced world we live in.  This is one of my major gripes about so called friends, you do everything possible for them and then find out they don't particularly give a toss about you.  Maybe I should explain what the hell it is I am ranting about, well my eldest son Alex has a group of friends who he considers to be special so we invite only them to his birthday parties.  But today I found out he wasn't considered special enough to be invited to two friends birthday parties and for some reason it has really pissed me off.  I know I shouldn't care but for some stupid reason I do.  I sometimes wish I would stop caring maybe then coping with other people unkind and heartless behaviour would be a lot easier.

Not too bad a day.  Did the boring old shopping and then played around on the internet for most of the day, should have got a lot more done, but just wasn't in the mood.  It's all happening next week so I'll apologise now if I am away from Minti for too long.  Especially for Emmie because I know you are always there but don't forget even though I'm not on MSN you still have my home number and I'll get round to texting you soon so you will have my mobile number too.

Love you all have a nice week  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx