Well I survived I think, the dragon wasn't in and I thought that it would have helped but it didn't I was sooo stressed I just felt like crying and I kept looking at all the people who I considered to be my friends and wondered if I could really trust any of them, OMG, I sound like a paranoid freak. All I know is that I can't carry on like this but I just feel so trapped I just want to pull all my hair out, don't think the bald look is in this year, lol.

Finally the stress has gone, he's home and looks like he had fun.  What was I worrying about, LOL. It's moments like this I realise how much I love him and it's great to realise he may be sensible after all, lol. Oh well I think I need an early night tonight all this stress has left me feeling exhausted.  Only one more day to go and I'll be stressed again at work and facing my boss, not sure how my head will deal with it.

Today is the day that Alex goes to Bluewater with his friends, trying very hard to stay calm, it was strange though because when I spoke to him last night he was just as worried about the trip as me, lol.  I told him how much I had been looking forward to spending the day together with him and the stuff I had planned for just the two of us and he said he'd rather have spent the day with me, that was so sweet and it did make me feel better.  Anyway still going ahead with original plan and I hope everything goes ok for him, just can't wait for the day to be over now 

I am going to sound like the over protective mother now my eldest Alex who is 12 wants to go to Bluewater shopping centre with his friends  by bus.  Now all his friends are about the same age and I don't really know any of them or their parents.  It is quite far even by bus and I am worried sick about letting him go this is my first time and I would have preferred it if they had decided to go out closer to home.  What would you do or what have you done in a situation like this? 

Looks like my depression might be back, the last time it got severe, I kept having headaches and I've noticed recently that the headaches have returned.  Reckon it has a lot to do with what happened on Saturday and it just feels like everything else has been going wrong this week but then that just could be my state of mind turning every possible event into a negative one.  I was trying so hard to keep looking ahead and being positive that since Saturday I've not been able to do that.  Just goes to show that it doesn't take much to knock me back, lol.  Anyway on a good note have decided to try and get counselling to see if it helps as the medication isn't doing it's job. Take care all xxxxxxxxxxxx

As some of you have probably already worked out I work on a Saturday., well today was probably my worst day at work ever.  My boss decided to have a go at me for wanting to be paid overtime (something I thought I was entitled to if I had worked over my contracted hours) but no, not according to her, if she didn't pay anyone else overtime why should I expect any.  Good point, but I was kind of wondering if there was a law that protected the rights of the employee or do we just get trampled on????  The bigger the organisation the less you matter, I am starting to feel like a piece of crap, no matter how hard I work it doesn't make any difference there is no thanks, least of all any reward for doing well.  Another thing that made me laugh was the stupid attempts she made at threatening me like if I didn't do as I was told she could excercise her power and position to sort me out, but not that she wanted to because she would rather I be submissive and be trampled on like the rest of the staff.  Well I am ashamed to say I did exactly that I gave up the fight because I would never win, told you I was a coward always have been and always will be. 

Wow the sunshine definately works on me, I've been out gardening and washing the car, just love that sun, not hot enough to be lying around out in the garden but can't wait till I can do that too. Can't believe it's Friday already, reckon next week will probably go just as quick. Hubby will be on holiday with me next week at least I will have someone who shares my enthusiasm for doing things.  Not looking forward to having to think about cooking and feeding everyone and just can't afford to be eating out all week either.  Would love to have a never ending supply of money so I didn't have to worry about penny pinching all the time.  Oh well I'm sure we can have lots of cheap or free fun. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!! 

I decided to cut the grass today as it has been the most beautiful warm spring day yet.  Then I decided to take the boys to a local fun fair for a treat and was I in for a surprise. My youngest didn't want to go on the smaller rides (especially for toddlers) no he wanted to go on the adult rides and my eldest who is 12 did not want to go on any of the rides, what a waste of money, if I had known I wouldn't have bothered taking them.  It must be me I must have the only children in the world who know how to be totally weird. I never got taken out when I was a child my parents always kept me indoors my own children don't know how lucky they are, but that is probably where the problem lies in the fact that they have had too much of a good thing they just don't know how to appreciate it anymore.  What do you think????

Don't know about you but does it feel like winter is getting later and later soon we'll be having snow in August, lol.   Not that bothered about the snow if it settles at least the boys can have their fun building their snowman and I can't clean the windows like I planned, lol.  Back to having problems with my teenage son at the moment, my husband says its normal for teenagers to be selfish and self absorbed, but does that mean I should just allow it to happen!!!  Don't get me wrong my eldest isn't bad but he just lacks empathy and understanding and needs to be shouted at before he does as he's told.   I am finding the whole experience quite draining because I feel like I can't make him understand where I'm coming from.  Anyway enough of my whineing I hope you all enjoy your school holidays.   

Really enjoyed the school disco yesterday evening and so did Daniel was really surprised at him, he's a lot tougher than he looks.  Think I was a bigger kid than all the little ones put together.  Had a great time dancing/playing with the little ones they really know how to have fun most of the parents were sitting down, I did sit down for a little while but just couldn't keep still.   Looking forward to my full day at school tomorrow must try and play it cool...........really want to do so much more at the school but just to scared to ask.  The school is so lucky to have such a great headmistress she is so good with people and there are so many parents willing to help out.  Well better get on and do the washing up can't avoid it any longer.

Take care all xxxxx