This post is from from my other blog here
4 years ago, I had my third baby. I had wanted to 'accidently' have him ( I didn't know he would be a boy ) at home in the shower. I didn't. I went to hospital and breathed him out hoping I wouldn't tear. I had been kicked out of the birthing centre for borderline low iron levels and was considered high risk. This meant I was monitored/ watched and I did my best to tune out the world. I still tore as he came into the world but my recovery was better despite having a drip and catheter inserted post partum. It was then that I decided I didn't need the interference and my next child would be born at home ( and he was).
My daughter's birth would have been all that much better if I was left alone to birth her. I still feel traumatised at how I felt being watched during my first son's labour. I found it very difficult to overcome and this being the year of birth trauma awareness it is something I want to work through.
I feel I have been on a journey and so I do not regret what I have experienced as difficult as it has been. I think it has given me passion to listen and trust my instinct. There is nothing more important.
So today my boy is 4.
A wonderful boy he is. He still likes to climb and play, have cuddles and chat. His vocabulary has improved and he has such a way with words. Unfortunately his health isn't the best though he takes it in his stride. Asthma sucks.
So today I wish my son a very happy and healthy birthday with many more to come.
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