Well this is my first day as a member of Minti, and I thought I might as well go all-out and be completely frank with you all about my personal "journey" over the past few months. Hopefully my story might encourage and offer hope to some of you.

I've been a Christian for some time now, and when I say Christian I don't mean like a "Ned Flanders" do-gooder-completely-unrealistic-person-with-no-clue-how-to-live-in-the-real-world-type-of-Christian... No, I mean just someone who believes what the Bible claims about Jesus, and who attempts to live a life following in Jesus' footsteps.

Over recent months, however, as the road of my life has taken some unexpected turns, I've had to revisit my own concept of what it is to live as a Christian- what it means, really. 

Shortly after the birth of my second child, my son Abraham, last February, my GP sent me off to see a counsellor. He had gotten me to fill out a survey, the results of which revealing that I was apparently severely stressed and severely depressed. He said he didn't particularly want to label it "post-natal" in nature, because he believed it's probably a condition I've battled with for many years. Recent troubled times had just brought it more to the forefront, and I was on the verge of a breakdown. 

It's been almost a year now, and I won't bore you with all the nitty-gritty details, but I just want to share a bit of the struggle I had coming to terms with the idea of being a Christian and yet being without hope, and the keys or tools I have learned to employ that have helped "lift me up out of the pit", like the Psalmist says in Psalm 40. 

In a nutshell, I had to concede that being a Christian doesn't exempt a person from going through life's twists and turns, but what it can do is give you hope in the middle of the dark times. Faith in God can give you a lifeline to hang onto when there is no hope left anywhere else.

What I have learned is not unlike the popular concept of "the power of positive thinking", but I like to go a step further than simply thinking happy thoughts. Sometimes, when you are deep in the depths, you just can't conjure up a single happy thought. You can't rescue yourself. But what I now try to do, when I feel myself going under, is focus my mind on Jesus, on who I know Him to be. His character is always good, always trustworthy, always loving, always merciful, always kind. When I remind myself of this, it's like my feet find a firm place to stand, and the descent into darkness and hopelessness comes to an abrupt stop.

I know there will be those reading this who will be rolling their eyes about now, thinking to themselves that I'm just another brainwashed zombie Christian who can't think for themselves. But that's just it- I can't, and I am. I, for one, needed my brain to be washed. I am not capable of thinking truth when my emotions see nothing but despair. 

This "way out" came to me in a very personal way, like a revelation. I've been told heaps of times in my life to just fix my eyes on Jesus. But being told something sometimes just isn't enough. Many of us have to learn through personal experience. My experience goes like this:

I was getting close to the "edge" one day, and I knew I had to do something or I would scream. I went outside to the spot where I like to sit when I need some time alone. I took my journal, and began to write. I've heard it said that writing out your thoughts and feelings can have a cathartic effect, like a purging of the "bad energy" inside. So that's what I did. I wrote furiously for a few pages, complaining about every little thing that was getting up my nose. But the more I wrote, the more miserable I felt. It wasn't working. The "bad energy" was just consuming me. So right then and there, I decided to go down a different path. I stopped complaining in my journal, and instead wrote every good thing I could think of that I knew to be true about God, about what He means to me, and also about what I mean to Him. 

At first it didn't come easy. I had to really think, to get my mind off that negative track. But pretty soon the ink was flowing freely and I wrote several more pages of good stuff before I finally stopped. When I stopped and took stock of how I was feeling at the end of it all, I was amazed to realise that the negative, heavy feeling had gone, and I felt a deep sense of peace. It didn't make any sense at all, and yet there it was. 

The bible talks about a "peace that passes all understanding", and I think I've finally stumbled onto it. It comes from changing your thinking, bringing your mind into alignment with what the Bible says is true. This peace can be had by anyone that understands how much and how deeply God cares for them. 

I want to write more but I have to get about doing some other things. I hope this has been encouraging! It's been truly cathartic for me. This is the first time I've been able to sit and really process all of this and express it so clearly. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.