Well I'm having a pretty rough time lately. As I said in my last blog, my Mum found out she had cervical cancer and 2 weeks ago she came down to Sydney to have some scans and test done to see just how bad it was and what they could do. They told us that it would either be a radical hysterectamy or radiotherapy. The night before my Mum went to get the results we had a phone call from my aunty in Coffs to say that my Nan had passed away. It was a complete shock to us all, we were devastated. Then the next day my Mum went to get her results, they were much worse than we all expected even the doctors......It had spread to all her lymph nodes......It's terminal. They willchemo to slow it but it would eventually not be enough. I can tell you that the world just opened up and swallowed me whole right there. I just kept shaking my head and and all my Mum and I could do was just hold on tight to each other. I just can't seem to accept that I'm going to lose my Mum before she grows old and grey. I look at my kids and wonder if she'll see them grow up and get married and have kids. My Mum is everything to me and it kills me to be so far away from her.

Next month we're off to Broken Hill to live as a means to get back home to Coffs Harbour, it's the only way the Police Force to transfers, we have to do a 3+ yr stint in an outback town first then they will let us go where we want.they do offer compasionate transfer but that's only on a short term basis but I have that as a backup if we need it.

I just can't believe all this is happening..............

I can't believe it's been so long since I blogged.....but then I am pretty busy so I guess you'll all have to forgive me .   The girl's are now 16 weeks old and doing amazingly, they are such good babies and are just happy all the time.....I'm so very blessed with my gorgeous angels.

No matter how bad things get I just have to look at their smiling faces and and suddenly everything seems ok. We're going through some pretty tough things at the moment with my Mum who has just been diagnosed with cervical cancer and it's just about breaking my heart.......my Mum is my world, she is my best friend. I was there when the doctor told her and it was like my world suddenly came crashing down. So things are pretty hard at the moment. She's coming down to Sydney tomorrow to see specialists and as she'll be staying with us and we'll be seeing her in hospital I had to tell the boys so that was hard....Zak got pretty upset which was hard for me to watch.

Minti won't let me upload pics normally so I had to share my girls with you in my blog........Kyra is on the left and Ella on the right.

Just a very quick blog to let you all know that beautiful little angels are finally here. On Thursday 9th July 2009 Ella Grace was born at 3:46pm and Kyra Ann was born at 4:01pm. It was a very quick and easy delivery although Kyra (twin b) was breach and came out very purple needing oxygen and even though it was the scariest few seconds of my life she's doing marvelously now. Both my girls just take my breath away and I still can hardly believe I did it. I just sit and stare at them and get lost in them completely. Zak and Luke are completely smitten and love to constantly give them cuddles and kisses. Nick is fantastic with them and I honestly couldn't be any luckier or happier.

I've now tried to blog three times but it just won't let me add photo's so I'm uploading them separately.

Much love to all
Amanda xxxxxx